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Class _&L23A. 
Book_JLilA3__ 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



"YOUR LOVING 
NELL" 



MRS. NELLIE GORE 



^^^-v^W 77c£&~ 



NOTES FROM VIENNA AND 
PARIS MUSIC STUDIOS 



GATHERED BY "DEAREST" 
FROM LETTERS HOME 

Of the Late 

MRS. NELLY GORE 



FUNK &? WAGNALLS COMPANY 

NEW YORK AND LONDON 
1904 



SEP 28 1904 
O 0oowiirht entry 

CLASS £t XXo. No. 

?76>6,t* 



■■■-— 



COPY S 



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£ 



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Copyright, 1904, by 
FUNK & WAGNAI,I,S COMPANY 

[PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA] 

Published, September, 1904 



To the Memory 

OF 

NELLY GORE 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

Introduction. By Mabel Wagnalls xi 

Part One 

Letters from Vienna . . . 17 

Part Two 

Letters from Paris . . . 119 

Appendix 

Piano Exercises . . . .211 

Exercises Given by Frau Bree . 213 

Lessons Given by Leschetiszki . 217 

Technical Exercises . . . 229 



ILLUSTRATIONS 



FACING PAGE 



Mrs. Nellie Gore . Frontispiece 

Professor Leschetiszki .... 44 
Professor Moszkowski . . . .164 

Grave of Mrs. Nellie Gore . . 207 



INTRODUCTION 



INTRODUCTION 

With an " open grave/' by strange coincidence 
casually mentioned in the first letter of this col- 
lection, and a closed grave pictured at the end, 
the imaginative reader can almost see the hand 
of Fate propelling the pen of the writer. Every 
word seems to converge toward the tragedy which 
occurred only two days after the last " Good-by, 
dear," was written to her aunt by cc Your loving 
Nell," and which was announced in our daily 
papers by the following head-lines : 

AMERICAN LADY SHOT IN PARIS 
IN THE APARTMENT OF A RUSSIAN BARYTONE 

This seemed to suggest a scandal ; but those 
who followed the particulars of " Mrs. Gore's 
death," which remained prominent in the papers 
for more than a week, were gradually convinced 
that their first surmise was erroneous. 

It developed that the " barytone " had been 
ill for several days, and the lady had presuma- 
bly called out of sympathy. 

"An accidental discharge of a revolver," which 
had been lying on the table at his bedside, was the 

xi 



xii INTRODUCTION 

verdict finally accepted by the court, after suicide 
had been proved impossible. 

The Americans in Paris unanimously protested 
against any aspersions on Mrs. Gore's name, 
and attested their regard for her by attending her 
funeral en masse — a demonstration of unusual 
import. Aside from this, it was almost, if not 
quite, convincing to read a eulogy, in the strongest 
terms, of her character and disposition indited by 
her divorced husband. 

But there was one final fact which, to those 
who knew, left no shadow of doubt as to Mrs. 
Gore's purity of life and purpose : 

She was studying the piano with Moskowski. 

To say that she was a musician would convey 
little impression, or that she studied singing, or 
even piano, would not denote much, for there are 
many phases and degrees of art ; but to be work- 
ing with Moskowski meant everything. 

The woman who has advanced herself enough 
as a pianist to be accepted for tuition by a teacher 
of such rank has no time or strength for anything 
ignoble. Only an abiding ambition and deter- 
mined effort along one path could have brought 
her to such a point in her art. 

Read these letters, which were penned with no 
thought of publication, and you will know how 



INTRODUCTION xiii 

earnestly she worked, and how deeply she had 
learned that, as she herself expresses it, "to be a 
great pianist means absolute self-mastery." Her 
account of the discouragement and loneliness, 
which often followed after weeks of nerve- 
straining work, depicts the experience of count- 
less students in the capitals of Europe to-day. 
Her life in Vienna, under Leschetiszki's regime, 
and her struggles to master his method, are told 
with minute and peculiar power. 

To the casual reader it might seem that her 
ambition and efforts were, after all, in vain ; but on 
further thought we realize that it was her cease- 
less work and "self-mastery" which, all-uncon- 
scious to herself, had made the impression on those 
who met her which so redounded to her credit 
when her memory was assailed. 

With circumstances all against her — no parents 
to uphold her, alone in Paris, divorced, and, last 
but not least, of exceeding beauty, dying in a 
tragic way, the mystery of which will never be fully 
solved — she was yet saved from condemnation by 
the earnest purpose which had dominated her life 
and made itself felt wherever she went. A grow- 
ing pathos pervades her final letters, in spite their 
constant theme of "work, work, work." 

Startling as a prophecy is the unaccountable de- 



xiv INTRODUCTION 

pression she describes in her very last letter — 
her despairing thoughts of death. 

"It is the first time I was ever so troubled," 
she adds. "All our efforts and endless striving 
seem so petty and vain." 

Poor Nelly Gore ! 

Blighted ambition is ever a source of pathetic 
interest. This accounts for the many visitors to 
the massive mausoleum of Marie BashkirtsefF, and 
with equal sentiment they may some day go to the 
grave of Nelly Gore. 

Mabel Wagnalls 



PART ONE 

LETTERS FROM VIENNA 



"Your Loving Nell" 



S. S. "VlGILANCIA," 

September 12, 1900. 
Dearest: — 

I wish, first of all, to write you of my trip 
to Vera Cruz. Oh, how I longed for you to 
enjoy it with me ! And in this way, perhaps you 
can — a little. 

There are two lines connecting Vera Cruz with 
Mexico City, and along each, I was told, the sce- 
nery is equally grand. As I could not well travel 
on both, I chose the later built. 

I left Mexico City at 6 a.m., and, until after 
reaching Puebla at twelve o'clock, there was little 
that was new to see — a few mountains and jagged 
rocks, but mostly level, hot fields of the pulque 
plant. It is wonderful how much of it is grown, 
and shocking, too, the amount drunk. They say 
the soil is too alkali to grow anything else, and it 
must be true, for everywhere around there there 
is the same dearth of vegetation. Of course, near 
the city there are some beautiful spots, but the 
country at large seems that way, 

17 



18 YOUR LOVING NELL 

You would laugh to see the little pears and 
peaches Mexico affords — not larger than walnuts. 

After leaving Puebla, whose elevation is about 
the same as that of Mexico City, we begin to de- 
scend, and the scenery becomes grand in the ex- 
treme. Such wonderful mountains and such 
frightful precipices ! They have been very bold 
in building the road — such sharp curves and 
such ascents and descents that it frightens one. 
There are two places on the road where we cross 
three times — a double loop. The mountains are 
covered with fine, tall pines and lovely little ferns 
(which I longed to gather), and all kinds of palm 
and other trees. 

At seven in the evening we reached Jalapa 
(pronounced Halapa), a beautiful spot, the air 
balmy and heavy with the perfume of flowers 
that we saw all about us. We had descended 
four thousand feet. Jalapa is said to be the most 
healthful place in North America. No one ever 
grows old or dies there. However, they have a 
fine cemetery, which we visited with much interest. 
They build their cemeteries just like ours ; only a 
grave, I noticed, which they had dug was plastered 
and whitewashed inside. 

Just this side of Jalapa there is the most won- 
derful vegetation I ever read or dreamed of. It 



YOUR LOVING NELL 19 

must be like that which they tell us existed in the 
first stages of the world. I can not describe it, it 
is so profuse and luxuriant. There is not a spot 
not covered thickly with rich green vines and 
plants and ferns, and, over all, millions of perfect 
palm varieties, banana-trees, and the most beauti- 
ful fern-tree, which they say grows only in that 
little spot and in New Zealand. It has a slender 
trunk, perhaps three inches around, and shoots up 
straight and bare and brown for twenty or twenty- 
five feet, where fine green fern leaves spring out 
in all directions, each leaf being about five feet 
long. They are exquisite. 

The trees are all covered with morning-glory 
vines and wistaria in full bloom, and the track is 
cut through all this growth (doesn't it seem a pity 
for man to hack at nature's glory in such a way?), 
and, in places, the vines have caught the trees on 
the other side of the track and form an archway 
for us to pass under. 

After that everything seemed tame — from 
comparison, no doubt. 

Vera Cruz is nothing but a miserable seaport 
town. We had time before sailing, and so visited 
the penitentiary, situated on a small island half a 
mile out in the gulf, and a most frightful place. 
Most of the cells are dark and, built underwater, 



20 YOUR LOVING NELL 

are damp and vile, they say, tho we were not al- 
lowed to enter them. 



New York, September 22, 1900. 

The last few days at sea were very rough. 
Even I, who am a good sailor, was (as Dearest 
always says when suffering from mal de mer) 
"unhappy," and could not add to my steamer 
letter. 

I shall remain here a few days to attend to 
matters of business, as you know, but expect to 
be ready to leave somewhere about the first. 

Two dear letters from you were here to give 
me greeting. 

What should I do without your letters ! 
Always your 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 21 

September 30. 

I have engaged passage on the S. S. Friesland, 
which leaves for Antwerp on the 3d. 

Have sent you two letters since that of the 
I2th-22d, tho they were awfully little ones. I 
was so very busy; but Dearest always understands. 
She knows the very heart of me. All the en- 
vironment from which fate has flung me, alone, 
into a world I know not is familiar to her as to 
me. I go to a land of strangers and yet to the 
home of art! Dearest, it is Destiny! 

O art, my art! God be thanked that that is 
left me from the ruin and the wreck of much ! — 
that, and your true, true love. 

You are not to be anxious, dear. Providence 
is watching out for me. All my life, you know, 
I have dreamed of just the opportunities that are 
now to be mine. I shall make the most of them, 
you may be sure, if only once again I can get 
back the strength that seems washed away in the 
awful storm of tears. Now, Dearest, it is not 
wise for either of us to shadow our letters with 
anything. 

Let us take hold of Hope, and work, work, 
work to certain ends — you there, and I across the 
sea. I did not choose this way to success in art, 
but this way I go, and, somehow, it must be best. 



22 YOUR LOVING NELL 

"What we choose may not be good. But 
that we choose it, proves it good for us." 
Mrs. Browning is inspiring! 

Dearest, you are not to grieve. Think always, 
"At morning when aweary, or at midnight when 
afraid," that, wherever she is, your "little girl" is 
thinking of and loving you. 

Keep heart, sweetheart. I send this kind 
command to you — with kisses blown your way — 
out of the fulness of my love for you, and I do 
it for my sake no less than for your own. We 
shall not be divided. Beyond the touch of hands? 
Yes. But that is not much, comparatively. 
How often you used to quote your kind friend 
in New York — a clergyman as well as editor, if I 
remember rightly — who once said to you of sep- 
arations: "They are much to most. But we 
may be worlds removed from those who sit oppo- 
site us at table day after day, year after year, till 
the limit of earthly life is reached, and we pass to 
the world that sets this right." 

Dearest, often I think of what he said, and 
wonder if his beautiful life had not its hidden 
tragedy ! 

You and I can never be divided. 

Always your Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 23 

S. S. "Friesland," October 5. 

Yesterday, at the table, the ship's doctor told 

me that theVe was a gentleman, Mr. F , on 

board who wished to be presented to me. Last 
evening he introduced us. 

He knows some of my friends in Mexico, and 
I do not feel quite so alone, you see. 

I have also become acquainted with Mr. 

K , a gentleman who is a botanist employed 

by the United States government. He has been 
all over the world, and speaks seven languages. 
He goes from Antwerp to Nuremberg, which is 
almost to Vienna, and has kindly offered to take 
charge of me. 

I am greatly relieved. I hoped that Provi- 
dence would provide a guide for me. 

There are some musical people on board, and 
we play cards — tho you know I am not over- 
fond of that form of diversion. Mr. F is 

teaching me chess. He has been very ill, he 
tells me, and his hair is white, tho he is a young 
man. He speaks five languages, one as well as 
the other. He seems to be a gentleman, is cer- 
tainly highly educated, and his manner is always 
kindly courteous. 

There are two sweet-faced old ladies on board 



24 YOUR LOVING NELL 

of whom I am really fond. Some time I will tell 
you of them. 

Friday. — We are now in the Channel, between 
England and France. I can not realize it! We 
reach Antwerp to-morrow afternoon. I shall 

stay until Monday. Mr. F and Mr. K , 

the botanist, are friends, and we have all planned 
to go to church on Sunday morning, and to the 
opera in the evening. 

I am eager to reach Vienna, and to get at my 
piano work. All, except music, however de- 
lightful in the passing, seems apart from my real 
life, and to be remembered only as incidents or 
as phases of life, and not life itself. 

I wonder if I shall feel lonely in Vienna? Am 
very thankful Miss W is there to meet me. 

Saturday. — All is bustle and confusion, pre- 
paratory to the landing. The voyage has been 
a not unpleasant one, and more and more I feel 
that Providence is taking care of me. I am 
stronger for the sea winds, and everybody is 
kind to me. They say I am getting a bit of 
color in my cheeks. That will please my dear- 
est, I know. 

I shall have a letter from you when I reach 
Vienna. Lovingly, 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 25 

Ackergasse 3, Vienna, October 19. 
Dearest — Dearest : — 

I have your letters of the 26th and 28th ult., 
and I love them so ! 

Well, I have much to write you. I tele- 
graphed from Antwerp to my friend, Miss 

W , here, asking if she knew of a pension 

suitable for me. She answered that she would 
meet me Thursday evening. I was so relieved. 
Providence is, indeed, taking care of me ! 

I arrived night before last. Miss W met 

me, and brought me to this lodging-house. Some 

friends of Miss W live here — a Dr. and 

Mrs. H , from Chicago, I think. They are 

pleasant and kind. They have dinners and sup- 
pers served in their room for themselves and four 
young American doctors. They have invited 
me also, for which I am very grateful, as it will 
keep me from being lonely. The whole party 
goes out to some opera, concert, or something 
several times a week ; so I can go, too. 

I have so much to tell you ! 

We reached Antwerp a week ago to-day. Mr. 

F 's father and mother met and wept over 

him. Of course, he went with them, and Mr. 
K , the botanist, took me in charge. He 



26 YOUR LOVING NELL 

took all my baggage through the custom-house 
with his, and without opening, as he has a pass 
from the United States government. 

We got in at 9 p.m. and went to a hotel, where 
I had a hot bath, and then to bed. 

The next morning, at ten o'clock, Mr. F 

called for me. He brought the most lovely bunch 
of white chrysanthemums— flowers as big as plates, 
with stems a yard long. Antwerp is famous for 
its chocolate candies. He also brought a box of 
those. 

And the Cathedral ! Oh, what a marvel it 
is ! Such space ! Such wonderful domes and 
arches ! Such stained-glass windows ! And two 
wonderful paintings by Rubens, and one by Van 
Dyck ! And the organ ! I never heard such 
tones. They say it is one of the finest in 
Europe. 

Later we all lunched together. Mr. F 

had said that his mother wished to have the honor 
of entertaining us at dinner that night. Of course, 
we both accepted, and after they left me at my 
hotel I took my beauty nap, wishing to be well 
rested for the evening. 

I must here tell you something of Mr. K . 

He is thirty-two years old, and comes of an old 
and brainy family. His father and four uncles 



YOUR LOVING NELL 27 

are presidents of different colleges. He speaks 
seven languages, has studied six years abroad, and, 
of course, is a man of the world, tho he is, first of 
all, a student, and as innocent as a child. He has 
known little of the society of women, tho he is 
perfectly at ease with them, being too earnest and 
sincere to be otherwise. He is tall and well 
formed, with a fine, intellectual face. His life- 
work, he tells me, is botany. He has been sent 
abroad to try to get hold of a special variety of 
hops that grows in Germany, but which we have 
not in the United States. He says he can but 
feel a certain satisfaction in seeing things he has 
brought from distant lands growing all over the 
United States. He has been in every country on 
earth. He brought, from Egypt, seedless grapes 
for raisins, an alfalfa that will grow in alkali soil, 
dates, different trees, and a new kind of celery. 
He went wild in Nuremberg over some horse- 
radish with tremendous roots. 

At 6.30 Mr. F sent his carriage for us. 

We drove to the house, and entered by a marble 
staircase. A maid removed my wraps, and we 
were ushered into the drawing-room, where were 
the father of our companion de voyage^ a man with a 
spiritual face and charming manners, and his 
mother — a great lady, evidently. She has a 



28 YOUR LOVING NELL 

young face, surmounted by quantities of gray hair, 
artistically arranged. There were also their 
daughter and her husband, and his brother. It 
was a trying moment for me. They are people 
of elegance and evident wealth, the home being 
luxuriantly furnished and full of works of art. 

Mrs. F at first, I could see, did not half 

like me, but somehow this knowledge seemed 
not to embarrass, but rather to put me at 
ease. 

Mr. F soon offered me his arm, and we 

went to the dining-room. I sat at the father's 
right; his son, Constant, on my right. My host 
and I conversed in English; his son and I in 
Spanish ; he and his brother-in-law in German ; his 

mother and he spoke French, and Mr. K , who 

was simply heroic, talked of every subject in every 
tongue. We got on famously. I found, much 
to my satisfaction, that I understood everything 

said in French. Mrs. F speaks no English, 

but she understands it. I, fortunately, had a 
pretty gown to wear — a blue-and-white foulard — 
and I laid myself out to win — and I did. The 
mother soon looked less suspiciously at me, and, 
I could feel, liked me. 

The dinner was exquisite, and beautifully served! 
The finest linen, glass, and silver. Rare old 



YOUR LOVING NELL 29 

wines in dusty bottles, passed around carefully in 
baskets. 

After-dinner coffee was served in the drawing- 
room. 

Later they asked me to play, and they enjoyed 
it. I saw the father stand at one end of the room 
and watch me. His son told me the next day 
that his father had called him to his side, and had 
said : " What a beautiful woman ! I am a mar- 
ried man, but if I were not — ! " 

Well, I am glad I pleased them all. They sent 
us back to our hotel in their coupe, and so ended 
a delightfully informal evening. 

Next summer I am to visit there again, by in- 
vitation of my hostess. I am glad to have been 
received so kindly. 

On Monday afternoon Mr. K and I left 

Antwerp for Brussels, where we took a Pullman, 
or, rather, a sleeping-car, and reached Nuremberg 
at eight the next morning. Such quaint and won- 
derful architecture ! Such peaked roofs of red 
tiles ! I bought a postal card for you, which will 
give you an idea of it. 

Nuremberg is an imperial, fortified city ; popu- 
lation, about one hundred thousand. In every- 
thing all over the city " he who runs may read " 
delightful stories of the rich old burgher classes 



3 o YOUR LOVING NELL 

who belonged to the middle ages. Its city hall 
ranks among the noblest in Germany, and in it 
one sees some of the paintings of Albert Diirer — 
the prince of artists, as his countrymen called him. 
Poor fellow ! You recall how I wept over your 
reading of his " strange sickness " contracted in 
Antwerp, and of his eight long years of suffering 
before he passed away ? Somehow I never could 
cry over my own reading of history, but you 
could break me all up in just about five minutes. 
And then when I read the same eventful lesson 
over and over by myself, for the life of me I 
couldn't find a thing to cry over ! 

We visited most of the famous places in Nu- 
remberg, including the old Cathedral, old Roman 
Tower, full of relics, and the Museum. Mr. 

K and I got on famously together. Before I 

left — -just to show you how kind and thoughtful he 
is — he brought me a bottle of quinine (" in case 
you should take cold," he said), a new lead-pencil, 
all sharpened, and a dictionary of German and 
English. I have this moment received a note 
from him, which I inclose. 

I really feel Providence is watching over me. 
Ever since leaving Mexico, no woman could have 
been more tenderly and considerately cared for 
than I have been. Going up in the Vigilancia, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 31 

Mr. M was so good to me ! Mr. C met 

me with a carriage, and took me to my old place. 

From New York here, Mr. F and Mr. 

K ; and now, here, Miss W met me, and 

made all arrangements for my living here, where 
already I am welcomed as one of the crowd of Dr. 

and Mrs. H and the doctors. I shall work 

very hard. Is not this a long letter? I hope all 
is well with you. 

Love from 

Nell. 



32 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Wien, October 22. 

Yesterday afternoon Miss W invited Mrs. 

H and me to have tea with her. We had a 

pleasant time, but I felt anxious to get back, feel- 
ing sure your letter was awaiting me. I flew up 
the stairs, and asked my Frau "Ein Brief ?" She 
was as happy as I when she answered, " Yes." 
For I had asked the same question about every 
hour for the last two days. I could not read your 
dear words fast enough, and now I shall count 
the days and hours until the next. 

Did I tell you how disappointing Miss W 's 

experience has been ? She has been here over a 
year, and she studied for two years in Chicago 
with one of Leschetiszki's pupils, and, notwith- 
standing all this, she is still unable to secure 
lessons from Leschetiszki. It is a poor outlook 
for me ; but I shall remain, anyway, a few months, 
and see what I may be able to accomplish. I 
think I shall remain here in this house. I have 
been negotiating to-day for two rooms in the 
front. This room is fearfully dark, and so cold ; it 
is now twelve o'clock, and, tho my desk is by a 
window, I am writing by lamplight. It is dark 
here nearly all the time ; the sun seldom shines. 
I feel the cold greatly, tho the cold weather is 



YOUR LOVING NELL 33 

not here yet, they say. I have always a fire in 
my tall old German stove. They are about a 
century behind the times on this side the water 
in all the comforts of life. There are no bath- 
rooms in the houses. Other essentials are hidden 
away in dirty, dark little corners of the house, and 
are vastly inconvenient. There are no elevators; 
it seems to me I do nothing but climb stairs. 
There is not a rocking-chair in all Germany, they 
say. Even poor old Mexico is away ahead of 
Austria in many things. I also miss the warmth 
and sunshine of Mexico. If I go to the front, 
perhaps the rooms will be more comfortable. 

My own landlady furnishes me with coffee and 
rolls in the morning, and my dinner and supper 
are taken down-stairs, in Mrs. H — — 's room, 
with herself, her husband, and the young Amer- 
ican doctors ; they are all kind to me. I am, in- 
deed, fortunate in finding them. It would be 
awful here alone, hearing this strange tongue on 
every side. 

My poor old landlady's sole aim in life seems 
to be to keep the fire going in my tall stove and 
to supply me with hot water. I wonder if she 
knows that she is living in the midst of so much 
that is great and beautiful? 

So far I have been around very little. I have 



34 YOUR LOVING NELL 

been ill since arriving; besides, it has been 
raining. 

Mrs. H took me to several churches this 

morning. St. Stephen's is marvelously beautiful 
and majestic from the outside, but inside it was 
so dark we could see nothing. My thoughts flew 
back to a week ago to-day, when I stood in the 
lovely Cathedral in Antwerp and heard the sweet 
tones of the organ. Oh, dearest, that music en- 
tered my soul! My eyes filled with tears from 
deep and sacred thoughts. 

The first day after I arrived here was a triste 
one. I felt I could not remain. I longed to take 
the first train away, or to "flee as a bird " back 
to my native land. Oh, those were bitter hours ! 
But I shall try to be brave, and to work, work, 
work ! 

Tell Nonksie all my letters are for him, too. 
Lovingly, 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 35 

Wien, November 1. 

I have your letter of October 1. We are, in- 
deed, far apart. It would be nearer from San 
Francisco to come around the other way, I think. 

The reason my letters are sent in the care of 
the British Consul is that, having married a 
British subject, my passport had to be issued by 
the British Consul in Mexico. The American 
Ambassador, tho a friend of mine, could not even 
give me a letter of introduction to the American 
Minister here. He said it was not in accordance 
with diplomatic etiquette. I must get it from the 
English Minister. Anyway, a British subject is 
sure to be looked after abroad, if anything occurs 
to make protection necessary. You will recall 
how, some years ago, a tribe in South Africa did 
violence to some missionaries. They were badly 
treated, and to the English government were re- 
ported killed. The government ordered troops 
sent to Africa at once, conquered the offending 
tribe, and took their country. So much for being 
subjects of a government that defends its own, or 
avenges their murderous taking off, as the case 
may be. 

Our own government — for I am a true Amer- 
ican — has been thought remiss in such emer- 



36 YOUR LOVING NELL 

gencies. Still, we must not forget that, at the 
time to which I have referred, a score of years 
ago, we had yet an army to create and a navy to 
build. These marvels have been since accom- 
plished, and no doubt to-day Uncle Sam would 
put his weather eye on his own if necessity for 
prompt action should arrive. 

I am about to move into the front of the house. 
The landlady said that if I would take the rooms 
she would freshly paper the walls. For the tiny 
bedroom I chose a pale blue, and for the little 
sitting-room a rose color. The colors do not 
look very well, but they are as good as one can 
expect here. She is now scrubbing the floors, 
and is going to move the furniture of this room 
in there. 

I am anxious to get to work, and shall get a 
piano the first of the week. I think I shall be 

more successful than Miss W . She takes 

of one of Leschetiszki's preparatory teachers, and 
so attends his classes, and hears his pupils and his 
remarks upon their playing. 

I intend to work like a Trojan. Perhaps, not 
to fail, either, as did the Trojans ; at any rate, I 
shall not be conquered by any ordinary circum- 
stances. I am arranging to have German lessons 
— it is awful, not speaking a word ! Mrs. H 



YOUR LOVING NELL 37 

is very good to me. We go around everywhere 
together, and she speaks quite well. Living is 
dearer here than I had thought. My room and 
board will cost about $50. My piano will be 
about $5. The piano lessons, in the neighbor- 
hood of $20; German, #10; harmony lessons, 
about $10. Then laundry, car fare, concerts, 
and clothing myself will make me count every 
penny. From to-day I am going to keep an ac- 
count, money runs away so. I arrived with less 
than I had expected to. They do not allow you 
any baggage over here on the trains. It cost $20 
to get my trunks from Antwerp here. 

I will close now, as they have just called me to 
dinner, and I want to give the letter to one of the 
doctors to post. I do not want to go out in the 
rain. Will write again in a few days, and send 
you some photos. 

Lovingly, 

Nell. 



38 YOUR LOVING NELL 

November 7. 
I am now in my two new rooms. Miss W- 



came and spent the day, and helped me to settle. 
I brought a lot of things with me — photos, which 
we tacked on the wall, some old Spanish fans, a 
good many books on a little bookcase. On my 
dressing-table is a drawn-work cover and all my 
silver toilet articles. The piano is draped with a 
rich old shawl — rose and black satin. There is a 
big couch, with some pillows. Over the door we 
hung a Mexican serape ; it makes a good por- 
tiere. Then there is a tea-table, with all my cups 
and saucers, tea-cosy, etc., and a cracker-jar. On 
a polished table is a tall lamp and all my choice 
bric-a-brac. It is a standing joke here : all the 
things I brought in my trunks ; but I think I was 
very wise ; my room certainly looks cosy and quite 
" Americanisti." 

I am starting my practise to-day, and find my 
hands in much better condition than I could ex- 
pect. 

I shall so miss dear Mrs. H . The 

H es leave Wien in two weeks. He (Dr. 

H ) has been taking "courses" here at the 

hospital. There is nowhere else in the world 
where doctors have such opportunities of seeing 



YOUR LOVING NELL 39 

for themselves. It is a charity hospital, and they 
average 7,000 patients all the time. They are 
treated like animals — all in the interest of Science. 
The students are allowed to handle, and even to 
operate, on any one. That is why hundreds of 
American doctors are here. 

The other day my landlady sent in a bill about 
a yard long — room so much, twenty little sticks 
of wood for lighting my fire, thirty lumps of sugar, 
and fifty-three "Semels" — these are little rolls 
she serves with my coffee. I eat them every 
morning, and have nothing else but one cup of 
coffee. They call me "Sunshine Semel. ,, They 
say I am always good-natured — I suppose I am. 
I have been through too much ever to be annoyed 
by little things. Then, too, 

" For me Fate gave, whate'er she else denied 
A nature sloping to the southern side." 



4 o YOUR LOVING NELL 

November 15. 

I have a cold. Every one predicted it when I 
first came here. They say it is always so with a 
new arrival. It is the first I have had in a long 
time. The climate here is awful ! Rain, rain 
every day, and mud ! — I never saw anything like 
it — like brown buckwheat batter, about an inch 
deep all over the walks ; one has always to wear 
rubbers. Since being here — four weeks — I have 
seen sunshine twice, and then only for a few hours. 

I must bear in mind Miss W 's advice to her 

friend, Mrs. H : "Cheer up, Maria, the worst 

is still to come/' I like Miss W , but she 

has worked so hard that she is in an extremely 
nervous state. Oh, how I shall miss Mrs. 
H ! I am to begin German lessons to-mor- 
row and take them twice a week. It seems a hope- 
less task, but I must learn to speak a little anyway. 
I begin piano lessons next week, and also lessons 
in harmony. I am also to have a young violinist 
come to play with me twice a week, as I need prac- 
tise in sight-reading. 

Mrs. H and I go often to the opera. I 

like the hours here. Performances begin at seven 
and are over by ten. The waits between acts are 
short, excepting the middle one, which is long 



YOUR LOVING NELL 41 

enough to allow every one to get up and walk 
around the spacious corridors, and a beautiful 
salon, where the ladies show off their fine gowns 
and the officers ogle every one. I see many beau- 
tiful women, but the boasted Austrian officer is 
not so much ! 

# %: # % % 

Dearest, it is a pity you have not a feather bed, 
so you could learn what true joy is. Just put a 
sheet over your mattress, sew the bed up in an- 
other sheet, and lay it on, and get under it. No 
blankets, no daintily tufted "comforts," no 
anything to tuck in ; the feather bed is so narrow 
that you must lie plumb in the middle, and never 
turn on your side, nor bend your knees, or you 
stick out somewhere in the cold night air. The 
thing has a habit of crawling up and leaving one's 
feet to freeze ; it also likes to lie on the floor. 
I was sure I could never sleep so, but what is one 
to do? One has to have a cover of some kind, 
and there is nothing else. 

I had my picture taken a few days ago. Will 
send you one as soon as I get them. They are 
not bad — nor particularly good, either. 

This is rather a Bohemian household; there is a 
kind of common purse. Some one's check fails to 
appear at the proper time, and it then becomes the 



42 YOUR LOVING NELL 

duty of the person who has money to do the lend- 
ing. He, in turn, of course becomes short, and 
borrows of some one else, who also runs short; and 
so it goes in a circle, until the first man appears 
some day with a radiant face and pays his debts. 
Sometimes the checks all appear at about the same 
time, and then every one is rich, and great is the 
rejoicing. When every one is broke, the motherly 
landlady lends right and left and then they all ad- 
vise her to be careful, or some one will have skipped 
under cover of darkness some awful night, and 
she will be left to bewail her trust in foreign hu- 
manity. 

Just a hundred kisses for my two dears ! 
Lovingly, 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 43 

Wien, November 21. 
I came here to study with Leschetiszki, the 
world's greatest piano teacher — Paderewski's 
teacher, and the teacher of the foremost pianists 
of to-day. You know I studied his method in 
New York. I am to go to one of his preparatory 
teachers, and hope to get with him in at least six 
months. One has really to be an artist before he 
will receive him, and then he is terrible, tho all 
agree as to his greatness. Every two weeks, be- 
ginning in December, he has certain pupils give 
recitals. He criticizes each one after each piece. 
The pupils of the preparatory teachers are allowed 
at the recitals, and benefit by hearing the music, 
and especially by Leschetiszki's remarks — which 
are in German. It is an awful ordeal, playing at 
these evenings. They say the pupils walk the 
floor all the night before. He is apt to be like a 
wild lion. It all seems longer work than I had 
supposed. His pupils never play at the classes 
until they have been with him two or three years, 
but then they are ready for any concert stage. 
All the celebrities come to these recitals, tho only 
they, and pupils, have the entree. There are 
more than one hundred students here with his 
preparatory teacher. I thank God / am here ! 



44 YOUR LOVING NELL 

It is what I have longed for, and, no matter what 
my life is to be, the piano will always be my con- 
soling friend. 

It is now late. 

Accept, dearest, love and all good wishes from 

Nell. 

Oh, I meant to speak of what you say of 
"love, born of magnetism." 

There are different kinds of magnetism. The 
most potent is not from animal spirits, but from a 
calm, strong soul. I hope mine — if I have any 
— is the latter. Certainly all successful people 
have been magnetic. N. 



VG NELL 

red for, and, no matter what 
ill always be my con- 

ite. . 

rest, love and all good wishes from 

Nell. 

to speak of what you say of 

}( magnetism." 

•fferent kinds of magnetism. The 

not from a at from a 

oul. 1 1 have any 

il P eo P le 

agnetic. N. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 45 

Vienna, December 1. 

Well, my dear, I have good news for you! 
I played yesterday for the great and terrible 

Leschetiszki. Miss S , a dear Scotch lassie, 

took me out to call on Madame Leschetiszki, 
to arrange an audience with him for some other 
day. I was as cool as the proverbial cucumber, 
for I had no idea of playing for him then. Other- 
wise I should have worked myself up into several 
thousand different kinds of fits, and have been un- 
able to play at all. 

" The professor is disengaged/' madame said. 
" Would you like to play for him at once ? " 

The thought took my breath away, and I stood 
fully ten seconds before answering — stood like a 
detached infinitesimal fragment of a glacier. Then 
I stood up very straight, put on a brave front, 
and, in as controlled a voice as if playing for 
Leschetiszki were an every-day occurrence, an- 
swered : 

" If the master will be kind enough to hear me 
— yes. 

I was presented to an old man with a full white 
beard and mild brown eyes (that can change at 
times and flame with rage). I sat down at an aw- 
ful piano, and played a Chopin Nocturne, Op. 9, 



46 YOUR LOVING NELL 

No. i. I played one wrong note in the begin- 
ning, and then compelled myself into thoughts of 
the sentiment in the music to be brought out. 
Altogether it went not badly, and, at the end, the 
professor positively said " Gut," which, Scottie 
says, is great praise — coming from Leschetiszki. 
He then made me read some music at sight, which 
I could do, as it was very simple. He then tested 
my ear by striking notes at another piano, then 
made me play scales up and down while he felt 
my arms. He said I contracted the muscles too 
much. Madame Leschetiszki acted as interpreter. 
He asked how long I would stay if he took me. 
I said: "Two years." 

" Shall you then wish to teach or give con- 
certs?" 

I said : " The latter." 

He looked me straight in the eyes — well, it 
seemed to me fully an hour — and then said I 
must begin preparatory lessons at once, take them 
twice a week, and he would receive me as soon as I 
could understand and speak enough German for 
the lessons. 

I feel as if I had conquered the world ! 

I am going to try the Berlitz School of Lan- 
guages here, and take a lesson every day. I shall 
also get some one to give me an hour's conversa- 



YOUR LOVING NELL 47 

tional lesson once a day. It will be expensive, 
but I think I can make ends meet. My whole 
future hangs on learning German. No student 
should come here without some knowledge, at 
least, of that language. It is much the cheaper 
and better way all round to have a fair conversa- 
tional command of German before leaving home. 

Two piano lessons a week will be more than I 
expected. I think I will not bother about har- 
mony, tho I really should. I shall have to begin 
again at the beginning — every one does. But 
having learned so much in New York, under Miss 
Miller, it will go quickly. 

Frau Bree, Leschetiszki's best preparatory 
teacher here, will now, no doubt, receive me. 

Dr. S took me to hear Mozart's " Magic 

Flute." It is a beautiful opera. The concert by 
D' Albert last night was magnificent. Oh, I never 
heard such piano-playing ! He certainly deserves 
his reputation of being the foremost pianist in the 
world. They say he is a natural son of Ruben- 
stein. These pianists are great people ! A few 
years ago D'Albert married Teresa Careno, a 
celebrated pianist also. She told a pupil of hers 
that she was " heavenly happy " with D'Albert, 
and thought at last (it was her third marriage) 



48 YOUR LOVING NELL 

that she had found a truly congenial companion 
with whom to spend the rest of her days. But one 
morning, after a year and a half of bliss, he said, 
leaning over the breakfast-table : " Teresa, I am 
awfully tired of you." So they got a divorce, and 
thus ended that chapter. D'Albert is nowmarried 
to some one else. 

Last night I went with Mr. K- , who has 

been in Vienna for a week, and Dr. S to a 

concert given by Kubelik, a Hungarian boy vio- 
linist. He is to be another Paganini, they say. 
I heard him in his first concert here, a couple of 
weeks ago, but he played much better last night. 
He no doubt was nervous the first time, and he 
could well be. The Vienese audience is the most 
critical in the world, and its verdict makes or mars 
an artist's reputation. 

At the end of the evening the people went wild. 
I have read of such enthusiasm, but I never saw 
it before. They shrieked and roared, and crowded 
on the stage and in front of the house, and simply 
would not go. It was a great ovation, and more 
wonderful when one remembers that Kubelik is a 
Hungarian and that the Austrians hate the Hun- 
garians. 

How I am enjoying this music ! It is an edu- 
cation in itself. I have done very little practis- 



YOUR LOVING NELL 49 

ing, but my playing certainly is improving. It is 
the atmosphere, I suppose. 

To-night we go to hear " The Prophet," by 
Meyerbeer. 

We are having a big snow-storm, but we are 

going to the opera all the same. Mr. K is a 

most delightful man to be with. He has visited 
every corner of the world, and is full of interesting 
talk of people and places. But, more than all, he 
is a gentleman. 

Nell. 



50 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Vienna, December 8. 
Dearest : — 

You will be happiest of all in knowing that my 
health is better than it has been for years. Of 
course, without health I could not hope to succeed. 

I thank you for your kind letter and for your 
thoughtful advice. All the points you touch upon 
have received my serious attention from the first, 
and now that you also think of them proves that 
we can look at things in much the same light. 

I am thinking of you so much ! And, dearest, 
I find that you were oftener right than I in con- 
versations on things and people. I have come 
round to your way of thinking in more ways than 
one, and I should have been sorry if you and I 
had not looked in the same light upon matters re- 
ferred to, because, in the end, I must do what 
seems to me right and wise. People who live a 
normal, ordinary life can not judge one justly 
whose life is full of strange happenings ; and, as a 
rule, the one to judge the most severely would, if 
placed in the same circumstances, go all to pieces, 
and either make a fool of himself or worse. It is 
my intention to settle down to hard work for two 
years, and at the end of that time to do what seems 
best. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 51 

I wish I could send you some papers or some- 
thing, but I myself feel as if I were on a desert 
island. I have not seen a newspaper since arriv- 
ing. Am going to subscribe for the Paris Herald^ 
so as to know something of what goes on in the 
world. The Overland Magazine has not yet come. 
I shall love it because it is from you. 

& & & & & 

Miss W and I are going to the opera this 

evening, if she is able to secure seats. All seats 
are reserved until noon of the day of the perform- 
ance for the regular subscribers. 

Miss W is an American. I met her first 

in Chicago. 

No, it is not usually dark here at midday. It 
was foggy when I wrote. It gets dark at 4.30 
p.m. So far it is not very cold, and not much 
snow. But rain ? Well, some ! 

Yes, every one tries to cheat me ! Miss S , 

the dear little Scotch lassie, fought a battle with 
my landlady for me. Scottie speaks perfect Ger- 
man. The old woman overcharged me for coal, 
petroleum, coffee, butter, bread, etc. Now she is 
reformed. You see, I am answering some of your 
questions. 

Oh ! It cost me from New York to Antwerp 
$75, and from Antwerp to Vienna about $40, ex- 



52 YOUR LOVING NELL 

elusive of freight for trunks. It is ten hours by 
train from Nuremberg to Vienna. 

I now take my dinners at a pension not far 

away from where Miss S dines. There are 

about twenty at table — doctors and students. Only 
German is spoken. They are all pleasant. I climb 
three flights of stairs, but my breakfast is served 
in my room, and I make a cup of tea for supper 
on an alcohol lamp. 

On Friday Miss S took me to Frau Bree, 

a preparatory teacher here, and the one to whom 
Leschetiszki had recommended me. After hear- 
ing me play, she accepted me as a pupil. It is a 
compliment, as she only takes a few especially tal- 
ented. I have my first lesson next Friday at 
"cinq heures et demie." She speaks only French 
and German. I shall be so glad to get to work ! 

Mr. K is gone. He is a great soul. We 

are good friends. He is gone back to Bohemia 
to get ten thousand more hop cuttings. He goes 
next to Egypt. He took me about a good deal 
to art galleries, operas, concerts, etc. 
Fondly, your 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 53 

January 21. 

How good it is to be seriously at work again ! 
I never lose sight of my one great ambition — to 
be a good, better, BEST pianist. Among the 
best, I mean. 

I am getting on well with my German, but to 
me the language sounds less musical when spoken, 
even by those "to the manner born," than does 
the Spanish or the French. I like Spanish, and 
speak it very well ; but to be one of the best of 
French scholars is also one of my ambitions. I 
wonder if you recall compelling me to go without 
certain articles of food at our petit dejeuners a deux 
if I failed to ask for them in French ? It was 
fine discipline, as was much else along different 
lines that I thought severe in those days. But 
long ago I learned to appreciate and to thank you 
for it all. And I know now, beyond the shadow 
of a doubt, that Dearest always knew best. When 
one is very young one is also very wise, in one's 
own esteem, and disillusionizing processes are 
sometimes severe. But from such, I think, come 
truest, or, rather, worthiest ambitions. What I now 
wish most of all — the piano part of my ambition 
— is likely to be accomplished, since it is a passion 
with me and I have golden opportunities. There 



54 YOUR LOVING NELL 

is nothing I would not give up for it. With all 
my enthusiasm I try also to be, what is necessary 
at present, very dry and practical. Hour after 
hour, day after , day, I do nothing but technique. 
I am forbidden to play any of my old things, but 
once in a while I disobey and do try them, just to 
see how all the technical work effects them. The 
improvement is already very noticeable — no false 
notes. My touch is more delicate and my cres- 
cendos much broader. That is, you know, one 
great difference between an amateur and an artist 
— in the light and shade, I mean. It is like this : 

AMATEUR 

Pianissimo Fortissimo 

ARTIST 

Pianissimo Fortissimo 

A poor pianist can play neither loud nor soft. 
It is all done with the wrist. In pianissimo the 
wrist is slightly elevated, so that the hand touches 
like a feather on the keys, while for loud playing 
the wrist is depressed. 

I have learned much in the last month about 
how to practise. All my life when I have been 
at the piano my mind has often wandered in a sort 
of reverie. No teacher ever told me that I must 



YOUR LOVING NELL 55 

not do it. Frau Bree, my teacher here, says two- 
thirds of the technique is in the head, that only 
one-third is physical. I did not believe her at 
first, for, I argued, it was the same brain control- 
ling both right and left hand, and the right was 
much the better. But I set my brain to work on 
the left hand, and really it is wonderful how it has 
improved. They expect the two hands to be equal 
over here. All the different Czerny studies, only 
written for the right hand, they require with the 
left hand also, an octave lower. A left-hand trill 
must be as perfect as a right-hand trill. My left 
hand is not far behind now. I try so hard to con- 
centrate my thought. I am making it a practise 
to leave the piano for a couple of minutes the in- 
stant my mind wanders. Frau Bree says that is 
the only way to overcome it. She says that, as a 
rule, it takes her pupils a year to learn how to 
practise. She also says that most people — even 
those of her pupils who think they do good work 
— spend four hours a day at the piano, having 
wasted three. I realize so deeply the importance 
of what she says that I think I shall soon over- 
come the difficulty. 

The days seem to fly away. They only seem 
about five minutes long. I, of course, study my 
German every day. I must y since it is the ladder 



56 YOUR LOVING NELL 

up which I climb to Leschetiszki ! What an awful 
language it is ! Every object having a gender (as 
the Spanish and French), and every gender hav- 
ing four cases and four different sets of articles. 
Ugh ! it's like taking a bad medicine that one 
may gain health. There is a set of four for the 
masculine, four for the feminine, and four for the 
plural. But I am forgetting that you know all 
this. It all seems queer and inconsistent to me 
(as no doubt it does to all beginners), but some- 
way I rather enjoy pegging away at it. This is a 
letter very full of cc I," but you like to know all. 
By the way, how egotistical we Anglo-Saxons are, 
always writing " I " and " God " with capital let- 
ters. All other nations are more modest. In 
Spanish, "yo"; in French, "je"; in German, 
"ich"; and they write " you" with a capital letter, 
" Ihr," which is quite polite. 

Always, with a world of love, 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 57 

Vienna, February 1. 

I am surely getting on very well. Am just in 
from my lesson. My teacher encouraged me by 
saying I have made great progress for so brief a 
time of study, and I can see it myself. I feel sure 
of becoming an artist. Everything is in my favor, 
excepting my age. When I look about here and 
see a dozen wonderful pianists anywhere from 
twelve to twenty, it is a little discouraging. There 
is a Russian girl here only twelve years old, and 
already she is an artist. Just think, if I could 
have had these opportunities twenty years ago ! 
But I have fine hands and arms (I can say this to 
Dearest), a brain that sometimes I can feel stirring 
around inside of my head, plenty of musical feel- 
ing, and a devotion to hard work. So if I do my 
best now, it is all I can do. I am unable to an- 
nihilate the years between me and early youth. 

Frau Bree gives me plenty of work to do, and 
that is what I most desire. This last week I had 
a Czerny study and a waltz, by Schutt, to learn. 
By learn I mean every note transferred, as it were, 
from the printed page to my brain. They require 
you to practise, and play at the lessons everything 
without the music. That I can easily do, thanks 
to dear old Professor Hartmann, who, tho always 



58 YOUR LOVING NELL 

kind to me, was invariably strict — so much so that 
I, for one, received his suggestions as commands, 
and at my lessons played, almost always, without 
my music. And always since, in all my practis- 
ing, I have memorized everything I played. That 
habit is a great saving of time over here. 

As I said, Frau Bree gives me a lot of work to 
do, which suits me well, since I am here to work. 

First you are supposed to sit down quietly and 
read the music mentally, then go to the piano 
and play it. They test you to see if you have 
really learned it that way, or if it is only " finger- 
memory," by stopping you in the middle of a 
phrase and requiring you to name all the notes in 
the coming bars. As you can see, the brain has 
to be used. I am improving in concentration. 
I know my lesson to-day. For this next week I 
have another Czerny study and a beautiful Etude 
by Schutt — besides, of course, the regular tech- 
nique work. 

I received such a dear letter to-day from my 

friend, Mrs. W , of Mexico. I enclose it. 

She is a charming woman, comes of a wealthy 
and aristocratic English family, and her daughter, 
of whom she speaks, was a great society woman — 

presented to the Queen, etc. Dr. W is a 

thorough gentleman, but he is now old for his 



YOUR LOVING NELL 59 

medical profession and his fortune is not large. 
He was always wrapped up in art, and when he 
had patients he would never send in a bill. In 
England and Europe they are very shy about 
that sort of thing. For instance, I have to put 
my money for my lesson in an envelope and hide 
it somewhere under some music on the piano. 



60 YOUR LOVING NELL 

February 3. 
Dearest: — 

I am more than ever convinced that Lesche- 
tiszki's method is the shortest and surest way to 
the art of piano-playing. I have written out some 
exercises for you — the ones they give in the first 
lesson.* It is well-nigh impossible to explain by 
letter how to do them. But if you work faith- 
fully, each day a little, on holding down four 
notes and striking one finger repeatedly, some- 
times slow and then fast, you will begin to gain. 
The great tendency is to stiffen the wrists, and 
this is the most important thing in all piano-play- 
ing not to do. While working on these exercises, 
at intervals raise and depress your wrist, just to 
see if it is loose. Get some one to sit by you and 
touch your wrist when you are not expecting it, 
to see if it goes down. It should be perfectly 
flexible, and go down under the slightest touch. 
The fingers must be well curved and as firm as 
steel, while the arms and wrists must be like india- 
rubber. I can not express this too forcibly ! As 
soon as the muscles in the arms or wrists tighten 
up, it acts just like a brake on a wheel. It is 
true there are times when the wrist must be firm, 

* See Appendix. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 61 

but only for an instant, to make certain effects on 
" nuances/' After you can raise each finger high 
and with freedom (holding the others down), and 
strike with a round, full tone any two notes de- 
sired, there are many exercises for the perfection 
of the scale, the great difficulty in which is get- 
ting, or having, the thumb under the hand. 

Here is another exercise to be practised every 
morning of your life ! Hold down 2d, 3d, 4th 
fingers as before, only instead of putting the thumb 
down where it naturally goes, put it under the 
hand, holding down the note next above the 4th 
finger. Especially limbering is a trill between 
the 4th and thumb. Do not practise it too much 
at first ; it will lame your hand. Work as much 
with the left hand as with the right. To be a good 
pianist one's hands must be equal. T am not a 
good pianist yet, but my hands are about equal 
now. After this take three notes, not holding 
down any. Take 

BCD 

3 1 2 

Play the notes back and forth, at first very slowly, 
keeping all the fingers near the keys. The hand 
must move back and forth, or, rather, the arm, 
tho the motion is very slight. This, as you see, 
is a part of the scale. Afterward take it 4 1 2. 



62 YOUR LOVING NELL 

In order to test yourself occasionally, take it 
B C D in the natural order of the fingers. It 
must be just as smooth with the 4th finger over 
as with 123. Later, gradually increase the speed. 
After a while you will find it going like lightning 
and with perfect ease, and your scale will be just 
that much improved. After that play the first 
notes : 



c 


D 


E 


F 


C 


I 


2 


3 


4 


1, or 


I 


2 


3 


1 


2 



Occasionally play with the regular fingering. It 
will come, little by little. These are the exercises 
which have done me so much good. There are 
more in the scales and arpeggios which, if you find 
these of any help, I will explain to you. But 
these are plenty for the present. 

Be careful, or you will lame yourself — only a few 
minutes at a time. There is much I can tell you 
about things in general — the pedal, how to play 
a melody, etc. In everything you play, hunt 
for the melody. In chords, as a rule, it is in the 
top note. The little finger must be trained to 
take it, and make it sing above all the other notes. 

Many things are impossible to explain in writ- 
ing, but perhaps you may gain some ideas from 
these hints. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 63 

It all means hard work ; the uprooting of vain, 
anxious thought ; calmness ; concentration ; living 
in the spirit ; loving the silence, which is 

" More musical than any song/' 

and the recognition, in all that is, of the 

'* Divinity that shapes our ends, 
Rough-hew them how we will. ' ' 

Oh, dearest, it means so much — so much ! 

Pour le present, au revoir ! 

Nell. 



64 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Vienn a, February 12. 
My Dearest : — 

Tho my last lesson was not altogether as good 
as I had expected it to be, I certainly am making 
progress. I had worked hard on a difficult new 
study ; had it all memorized, and played it almost 
up to time — in fact, was quite proud of myself. 
But Frau Bree wished many little things different, 
and said I must work slower. It only goes to 
show my real need of a good teacher. I do not 
mean there were any wrong notes or anything 
careless about it, but she showed me different ways 
of using my hands to bring out different effects. 
I am very happy to have, at last, some one to teach 
me the right way. 

Oh, dearest, music is so much to me ! All my 
life it has been that, of course, and I am not able 
to express in words just the feeling of my heart, 
even to you. But day by day and more and 
more I seem to be borne, on the wonderful wings 
of melody, farther and farther away from the old 
unrest and into an atmosphere perfect and divine. 
My soul — myself — seems to have arisen, like a 
flower from among ruins, into a dawn behind 
which the sun is. I am a new being, in a new 
world — music, a fountain — nay, an unfailing well 



YOUR LOVING NELL 65 

from which I draw the waters of healing and de- 
light. Oh, it is all so new, so sweet, so dear! 

I begin to understand, as never before, some 
things you tried to teach me. For instance, do 
you remember how, one morning, when I was 
practising my vocal lesson, you flew down the 
stairs and up beside me, crying, "Nelly, Nelly, 
wait a minute ! " I was frightened, for you had 
come like a spirit, and your face was white, and 
your eyes were wide, wild things that hurt me — 
hurt me. I think I shivered a little, for you put 
your arms around me and said, very softly : 

"Do you see the picture in the song, my dear? 
Do you feel its pathos and its power ?" 

It was that old, old song : 

" Break, break, break, 
On thy cold gray stones, O Sea ! ' ' 

And I answered that I had not given a thought 
to the words, but only to the melody. And that 
if there were indeed a picture in the song, I cer- 
tainly had not found it. I was sorry, but it was 
true. 

" Listen," you said. " You must see, and you 
must feel the work you do, or you are going to 
fail in your chosen career and be commonplace, 



66 YOUR LOVING NELL 

like most. Listen — with soul, not sense — while 
I read to you the song ; while I show you, if I 
can, the picture that it brings to me, and the sor- 
row of the singer." 

What followed I can not write. I remember 
that, looking at your lips that held no color, and 
your eyes, from which great tragedies came beating 
their hitherto blind meanings into my quickening 
mind, I saw nothing but a great waste of water, 
rushing in anger to hurl itself against unyielding 
rocks ; its white spray, dashed aloft, flinging itself 
impotently heavenward — heard nothing but a cry 
that must have pierced the very heart of Paradise : 

" Oh, for the touch of a vanished hand, 
And the sound of a voice that is still." 

And in that never-to-be-forgotten hour, dearest, 
dearest, I found my soul — or my soul found me ! 
Something, some One (?) seemed revealing to my 
new-born self a little of the meaning of the mes- 
sage, the purpose in the pain. And, oh, and 

<< Oh, and deeper through the calm 
Rolled the ceaseless ocean psalm ; 
Oh, and brighter in the sunshine 
All the meadows stretched away ; 



YOUR LOVING NELL 67 

" And a little lark sang clear 
From the willow branches near, 
And the glory and the gladness 
Closed about me where I lay. 

" And I said : * Ay, verily 
Waiteth yet the Master Key, 
All these mysteries that shall open, 
Tho to surer hand than mine ; 

" All these doubts of our discerning, 
To the peace of knowledge turning, 
All our darkness, that is human, 
To the light, which is divine. ' ' ' 

"With my heart on my lips" I kissed you — 
and — I kiss. 

Your 

Nell. 



68 YOUR LOVING NELL 



Vienna, February 20. 
My Dearest :— 

I have your two dear letters of the 29th and 
1st. Thanks, so many, for them, and also for 
the papers. I enjoy them and they rest me. 

I am inclined to be indignant over " I wonder 
if you find time for practise ? " Well, I should 
think I do ! That is what I am here for. And 
I appreciate the fact that my opportunities are 
passing, never to return. True, I left off work 
during the holidays ; but, aside from that, I have 
never missed a day of at least four or five hours' 
practise. That is something I allow nothing to 
interfere with. I keep my mind on my work, 
too. And every night I seriously ask myself, 
" Have I accomplished as much as was possible to- 
day ? " And if I feel I might have done a little 
better it distresses me, and I try harder the next 
day. 

My work shows, too. From week to week I 
can see improvement. I enclose an interesting 
letter from a lady whom I met going down from 
New York to Mexico last June. She has the 
most wonderful memory of any one I ever knew, 
except dear Nonksie. We all used to sit out on 



YOUR LOVING NELL 69 

the deck while she would repeat, hours at a time, 
poetry and stories from every well-known writer. 
And by a strange coincidence, when I returned in 
September, who should get on the steamer at Vera 

Cruz but Mrs. F , all in white duck, just as 

she had been when she got off there four months 
before. She was greatly surprised to see me. 
Her fad is beautiful books, and she and some of 
her friends away off there in the wilderness spend 
their evenings in printing, by hand, on parchment, 
some of their pet volumes. You may have read 
of the Roycrofters in New York. They make 
beautiful books printed on the heaviest linen 
paper, and they bind them in chamois, or heavy 
satin, or tortoise shell. Each capital is illumi- 
nated by hand. They are works of art. Mrs. 

F was talking to me about these books, and 

when I sailed from New York for Antwerp she 
came down to see me off, and left with me a 
package, saying : " It is something for you to read 
going over." Later I found it was one of those 
beautiful books, and you can imagine my delight. 
It is Charles Lamb's Essays, bound in a lovely 
shade of green chamois. Was she not kind to 
me ? Everybody is. 



70 YOUR LOVING NELL 

A letter just now from Mr. M . The 

poor old Vigilancia is on the reefs just off the 
Cuban coast. The captain was stricken with 
paralysis, and the first officer took charge, land- 
ing her in short order on the rocks, where she 

will be forever. It was at 2 a.m. Mr. M 

writes : " She took the rocks like a horse leaping 
a hurdle. The women were much braver than 
the men." (Quite entre nous, dearest, we think 
that, in emergencies, they usually are.) Oh, it 
must have been awful ! Then a terrible storm 
arose, and they all thought the end had come. 

Poor Mr. M ! I hope he is off before 

now. 

Yes, dearest, you are right ; and I, too, say that 
real love — the love that lives — is friendship, re- 
spect, and everything that is exalted and exalting. 
Speaking of men, I never see any here except at 
the boarding-house, and they are all doctors. I 
can not endure doctors, they are so horribly 
material in all their views. Who knows but I 
shall forget how to conduct myself in the presence 
of God's greatest masterpiece ? 

Who was it said, " Man is the work of an un- 
trained Hand ; woman the last production of the 

Master " ? 

* * * * * 



YOUR LOVING NELL 71 

22d. — It is just eight o'clock, and I am but a 
short time back from my lesson. Frau Bree is 
an angel. I never dreamed of what piano teach- 
ing could be until now. I adore her — in fact, we 
all do. I suppose I shall be going to the " terri- 
ble Lesche " pretty soon. 

I had an interesting lesson to-day. Have been 
studying a little waltz by Schutt, a Wien com- 
poser. Frau Bree told me to play it more coquet- 
tishly. I replied it was not my nature. So, you 
see, that is a faculty I must cultivate. 

Dearest, I am so homesick for you to-night ! 
All the way home from my lesson I longed for 
you. I rushed into my room and made a bright 
fire, lit the two lamps (I always light two if I am 
blue, and one otherwise), and set my little tea- 
kettle to singing cheerily, and, notwithstanding all 
that, I still feel like a big baby wanting to be 
comforted. 



No, I have not seen anything of the carnival 
here, and have not been to any ball. But I did 

go to a wedding. Miss H was married in 

the Polish church, away at the other side of the 
town. I was invited for two o'clock; but the 
horses in the carriage I took happened to be very 



72 YOUR LOVING NELL 

fast, so I arrived about twenty minutes before the 
time. I dismissed the coach, thinking to go in- 
side the church ; but it was all shut up, and I 
waited in the snow until, just at two, the wedding 
party drove up. We all entered by a little door 
at the rear of the church. There were Mr. and 

Mrs. H , two friends of the groom, Count 

Baoroszki, the King's chamberlain, and his 
brother, the American Ambassador and his wife, 
and myself. The church was not heated. The 
bride was all in white satin, and the mother was 
beautifully gowned, ditto the Ambassador's wife. 
So we all laid aside our wraps — out of the loving 
kindness of our hearts — in order to give each other 
and the shivering men a treat in gazing upon our 
finery. Never shall I forget the glacial, arctic 
atmosphere of that church ! The seemingly end- 
less ceremony was at last ended, and another man 
and another woman had clasped hands to go forth 
in the world together and face — what ? God only 
knows. I came home and wept, and could do no 
more work. I think weddings are the most 
pathetic scenes one can witness. One can feel 
peaceful at a funeral, knowing the poor wretch is 
out of it all. But a wedding ! Perhaps you will 
think it a pity I have not three lamps burning in 
my room ! My dear, I want you to take me in 



YOUR LOVING NELL 73 

your arms, I am so lonely. Perhaps I am tired. 
I will go to bed, and in the morning work, work, 
work ! I have a German lesson at twelve, and 
have not studied it yet. 

Good-night. Pleasant dreams. 
Lovingly, 

Nelly. 



74 YOUR LOVING NELL 

March i. 

This is Friday, my lesson day, and I have just 
finished one hour's practise. I will write you a 
few words, and then do another hour and a half 
before dinner. I feel that I have not accom- 
plished as much this last week as I should, tho I 
have tried hard to do my best. Somehow my 
poor old brains seemed to be in a kind of a fog. 
I have, however, memorized a Czerny study and 
a Scherzo, by Mendelssohn, and made some im- 
provement in a technical way, but I expect and 
require of myself over here about ten times as 
much as I used as a girl. 

Yes, I mean my mind wanders as in a dream 
when I practise, but more especially when I play 
things. I go off into a kind of a state. Music 
effects me as, I suppose, an opium pipe does the 
smoker. I always seem to play better the more 
I lose myself. But, over here, music means 
something very different. It is an actual science 
instead of a poetical revery. They say this : that 
if one is in an inspired mood, one would play a 
given phrase in such and such a way that would 
touch the heart of any listener. They have dis- 
covered the laws governing the true art of expres- 
sion, and they teach you to play that same phrase 



YOUR LOVING NELL 75 

in a feeling way — not from the heart, but from 
the head. In that way, as they say, one always 
plays well ; one's mood makes no difference. 

Oh, I am not alone in not being able to con- 
centrate my mind. Every pupil has the same 
trouble. Frau Bree told me that, out of one 
hundred pupils, there were one hundred who did 
not practise properly, and that when one had 
learned to do so, one was already an artist. She 
told me of the awful struggle she had in learning 
how to keep her mind from wandering. It was 
one summer when she was off in the quiet coun- 
try that at last she was victorious. At first she 
would perhaps be only able to sit five minutes at 
the piano, playing scales, when some outside 
thought would pop into her head. She would 
then leave the piano, and go back after a while 
and try again. Finally she got so she could work 
an hour at a time. They expect you to be dead 
to the world and all going on about you while 
you are practising. 

To test one of his pupils who was playing at 
the class one night, Lesche came up and dropped 
a big book on the floor behind her. It startled 
her, and she gave a jump ; Leschetiszki was furi- 
ous. He said if her mind had been on her play- 
ing she would not have heard the book. 



76 YOUR LOVING NELL 

I did not mean it was "egotism" which made 
us write the name "God" with a capital letter, but 
egotism writing "I" with a capital — placing our- 
selves, as it were, on the same level. 

Thank Uncle for his bit of a letter. I could 
read it quite well. There is no reason why the 
left hand should not write as well as the right — 
"practise makes perfect." It is the same way in 
my piano work. My left hand used to be a per- 
fect stick, but now it is almost as good as the right. 

Good-night, dear. With best love to you each, 
Always affectionately, 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 77 

Wien, March 11. 

I am hard at work. I can see good results. 

"Scotland" (Miss S ) and I had a discus- 
sion the other day about modesty. She "did like 
to see a person modest about what he could do." 
I said / liked to see a person have a correct esti- 
mate of his own attainments. If one really did 
something well he must be conscious of it. And 
it seemed to me mere affectation and idiocy for 
such a one to deny his ability. We were dis- 
cussing particularly Lesche's best pupil, B 

J , whom Scottie admires because " she seems 

so modest." What I claimed most vehemently 
— and I think I almost convinced "Scotland" — 

is, that if B J is really as modest as she 

seems, she must think she does not play at all. 
And so, when Scottie compliments her next time 

upon her playing, if J is conscientious she 

will reply: "You are either a hypocrite or a fool." 
That is the way "modest" people must talk un- 
less they are hypocrites. 

I heard one of the best pupils at Miss W 's 

the other day. She has very slender hands and 
arms, and yet I never heard any man with more 
strength. She said a doctor explained it to her 
this way : " There is a man with long legs who 



78 YOUR LOVING NELL 

wants to jump a ditch. He tries, and falls in. 
A man with short legs tries, and he is successful. 
The reason is not in the legs, but in the brains. 
The short-legged man used a nervous force which 
carried him over." 

That illustrates exactly the Leschetiszki school 
of technique — they teach every pupil to develop 
that nervous force. That is why they go so far. 
There is something really strange in that quality 
of force which Leschetiszki brings out in every 
pupil. It is not to be found in any other pianist's. 
That is why a Leschetiszki pupil can never be 
mistaken. I do not mean they bang. On the 
contrary, the heaviest chords are struck with the 
hands resting on the keys. I am getting it. My 
playing has changed altogether in these last three 
months, and I have the faculty of picking things 
up quickly. My teacher has never to tell me a 
thing twice. But I am an idiot in some ways. 
I can not read at all well — I even read print 
slowly. My eyes and my brain do not seem to 
pull together, except they pull your way, and then, 
as now, they carry my heart along. 
With kisses, your 

Nell, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 79 



March 26. 
A week ago I thought spring was here, but 
yesterday when I awoke I saw the roof opposite 
was white with snow. To-day it snows and blows, 
and is disagreeable to even consider. So I am 
going to inflict a long letter upon you, dearest, 
and tell you a lot of things. Yes, indeed, I am 
thankful to be here, and yet I get awfully dis- 
couraged sometimes. But all the students over 
here have blue days. So much is expected of 
one. The only thing that I have learned per- 
fectly is that I shall have to live " more lives yet" 
before I compass "the ends I aim at." 

7P 7V" TV TV TV 

But I must tell you something of the method 
here. In the first place, Leschetiszki has a corps 
of assistants, and all the students are under these 
" preparatory teachers." They teach one Lesche's 
own peculiar technique, and also Czerny studies 
and pieces. When one knows a set of pieces 
thoroughly, and could play them while asleep 
or standing on his head, or from the end to 
the beginning, he may go and play them before 
the great master, who will ask : " Why don't you 
scrub floors for a living ? " Really he is awful! 



80 YOUR LOVING NELL 

— at least, so all who have been to him say. Of 
course, he was exceedingly kind to me when I 
played for him ; but they say he always is so be- 
fore you become his pupil, because he does not 
expect you to know anything until then. 

My friend, Miss V (the only person I 

knew coming here), has been here two years, and 
she has not had a lesson with him, tho, as she 
says, she has "worked like a dog"; and that 
means something in this country, where one sees, 
all about the streets, dogs hitched to little wagons 
and pulling away like little horses. And they 
always look so willing and enthusiastic, with 
smiles on their faces. 

Even after one has been here several years, 
and is having regular lessons with Lesche' (he 
never gives any one a lesson oftener than once in 
two weeks), one still always keeps on with the 
" preparatory teachers." What wonderful teachers 
they are ! I thought I knew a little something 
of a piano when I came here, but I did not. 

In the first place, there is his technique. He 
has thought out exercises by which one may learn 
to overcome every possible difficulty. But the 
thing they preach most of all is concentration. It 
is something I (and others say the same) never 
thought of. All my life, while I have been prac- 



YOUR LOVING NELL 81 

tising, my mind wandered here and there. That 
is a terrible fault, and hard to overcome. Ten 
minutes' work with the mind fixed on some par- 
ticular aim is better than an hour of mere mechan- 
ical work. This is what they require : One is 
given a new piece. One goes over it, with the 
teacher, marking the fingering and the pedaling. 
When commencing work on it, one carefully looks 
at the notes of the right hand for, usually, four 
measures. The page is then closed, and one plays 
it over once, with all the shading, and then one, 
still without looking, says the notes aloud, as if 
reading them, then plays it again. Then one 
opens the music, going through the same per- 
formance with the left hand, using the pedal ex- 
actly as marked by the teacher. One learns the 
whole piece, measure by measure, in that way, with 
all the expression and pedaling, with but one hand 
at a time. They wish you to do more thinking 
than playing. One must go through things again 
and again, note by note. My great time for 
mind-training is in the morning before I am up. 
Leschetiszki tests his pupils on that. He will 
suddenly ask in the lesson for, say, the twentieth 
measure of something — anything. One must 
then quickly think up to the twentieth and play 
it. If one fails, he gets furious, and says : " So 



82 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Americanish ! " (unutterable scorn). He always 
speaks German, and that is another difficulty. 

One learns everything in this way of which I 
speak— Czerny studies, and all. One never uses 
the music with the lessons, even with the prepara- 
tory teachers. When playing, the mind must al- 
ways be on the measure ahead. One sees it, or 
should, mentally, as on the printed page. My 
poor old brain ! It tries hard, and I will do it 
the justice to say it is a little better under control 
than at first. 

I have had about six Czerny studies and two 
things by a Viennese composer, a friend of Lesche's 
(Schutt), a Waltz and Etude Mignonne ; an 
Impromptu, by Schubert; a Scherzo, by Men- 
delssohn, and a Chopin Nocturne, Op. 62, No. 2. 

My teacher says I am well up now in my Ger- 
man, and may go for a lesson soon with Leschet- 
iszki. But I am frightened ! I am afraid, if he 
growled at me, I might not be able to tell him 
the forty-ninth measure ! The pupils meet at his 
house every two weeks, and his best pupils (those 
having been here from five to ten years) play. It 
is very enjoyable as well as instructive. Of course, 
all musical people are interested in each other, and 
there seems to be a finer spirit of comradeship 
here, and less of that meanest of all feelings — 



YOUR LOVING NELL 83 

jealousy — than in our musical circles at home. 
Every one seems trying so hard for success, and 
each sympathizes with the other when the blue 
days come — as come they will to all. 

There are about one hundred and fifty students 
here. The preparatory teachers charge $2.50 a 
lesson, and Leschetiszki, $8.00. 
With love, 

Nelly. 



84 YOUR LOVING NELL 



April i . 

We are just back from Schonbrun, a suburb of 
Wien, where the King has his summer palace. 
There are beautiful woods and walks all about, 
and while as yet the trees are not in leaf, the first 
little tender green plants are carpeting the ground. 
The sun — it seems to me the first real sun this 
winter — was warm, the birds were busy building 
their nests, and calling to each other from branch 
to branch. We found two little wild flowers. 
My poor feet begin to feel quite abused with so 
much tramping about, but the fresh air does me 
good. 

We have been several times to the opera, and 
to a concert, and to the theater to see " Faust." 
Of course, I could not understand all the beauti- 
ful words which are so celebrated, but I had read 
it in English. It was marvelously staged. The 
cast was of celebrated actors, and the entire eve- 
ning something to be remembered all one's life. 
The play was very long — from 7 until 11.30. As 
a rule, the performances — opera, concerts, etc. — 
are over here before ten o'clock. That is to allow 
you to get into your house without paying ; for if 
one is out after ten o'clock the doors are closed, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 85 

and one has to ring and pay the porter twenty 
hellers (about five cents) for getting in. 

I wonder where your missing papers went? I 
sometimes fancy things hide themselves just to lie 
in some quiet corner and watch us rush about and 
hunt them. 

I am well. The fresh air I had in going about 
did me good. I shall be able to work all the 
harder. 

Always your 

Nell. 

P. S. — I enclose some exercises.* Don't work 
too long at one sitting. N. 

7T W W 7T 7T 

*See Appendix. 



86 YOUR LOVING NELL 

April 9. 
My Own Dear: — 

It was sweet of you to write me such a kind, 
encouraging letter — so filled, too, with sensible 
advice. I really do not know how I could get 
along even ten days without a letter from you. 
And I wished to answer this one the very hour it 
came ; but some ship acquaintances were here in 
town, and all my spare time was taken up in going 
about with them. Now they are gone, and I am 
going to write you a long, long letter, and tell you 
everything. Now, listen. 

I copy some good words of counsel received 
this morning from Mr. Elmhurst: "I am sur- 
prised to hear you have not taken a lesson from 
Leschetiszki as yet. Perhaps he wishes to save 
himself all trouble and teach only finished artists. 
That you feel discouraged at times I do not doubt, 
and, knowing your ambitious and exacting nature, 
I fully comprehend. 'Art is long and life is 
brief,' said the ancients, who knew a thing or two, 
and, what is more, knew how to say it. But your 
discouragements are only signs of your advance- 
ment: they mean that you have come to more 
difficult passages ; and you must know that in a 
fortified citadel the strongest and most difficult 



YOUR LOVING NELL 87 

intrenchments are nearest the ramparts, and that 
once the attacking party has taken those, the gates 
of the invested city are in full view. So, then, 
you are getting nearer the goal, and every time 
you get over a discouragement it means you have 
franchised an intrenchment and are on the high 
road to victory. 

"So, 'Concentration' is the watchword of the 
conquering legion, eh ? Yes, that is a very good 
word. But I will give you another which will act 
as a magic 'open sesame' when you get past the 
technical barrier, and will throw open to you the 
gates of the fortress. That word is ' Soul ! ' ' Soul ! ' 
'Soul!' 

" Believe me, all the years of hard work, all the 
mastery of technique, all the lessons of Leschet- 
iszki, will stand for naught unless you put your 
whole soul into your playing. Technique is only 
a means to an end. The end is 'feeling,' and 
feeling can not be taught; it springs from the 
soul. Technique will enable you to express your 
feeling with correctness ; but unless you have some 
feeling to express, technique will be to you — well, 
like the perforated rolls that are used in playing 
the pianola, where the most difficult passages are 
interpreted with mathematical accuracy. 

" So, then, do not sacrifice everything to tech- 



88 YOUR LOVING NELL 

nique — a mistake which is general among virtuosi. 
Technique is mechanism ; art is not. But, of 
course, you know all this. If I said it, it is only 
a reminder. I can not forget that the first time I 
heard you play you sent a thrill over me which 
was simply a transmission of your feeling from 
your nature to mine through the sound waves. I 
felt your soul mingling with mine ; and when a 
player can do that with his audience, then he is a 
true artist. ,> 

Is not he a dear ? 

Your 

Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 89 

Wien, Austria, April 19, 1901. 

My Dearest : — 

This is Friday night, 8.30. I am writing be- 
side a roaring fire. It has been very cold here 
the last week — really most unpleasant weather. 
All winter I have not known the difference — 
whether my room was facing north or south, as 
there was no sun anywhere. But now it makes 
me envious to see the sun streaming in the win- 
dows across the street and my room so dark and 
damp. I have thought seriously of moving, but 

Miss S says that by May I will be glad 

I have a north room. But when I go away for 
the summer vacation, the last of June, I shall give 
up my room and not return here. I have thought 
of moving all winter, for, after I was settled here, 
I found the location anything but inspiring. 
Around the corner is the old people's poorhouse. 
As I go to dinner I see dozens of the poor old 
creatures out sunning themselves. Farther up is 
the hospital, where they murder people in the 
interest of Science. They average fifteen funerals 
a day, and they have them all at once — at one 
o'clock, just as I go to dinner. There are always 
groups of mourners standing about, and the air is 



9 o YOUR LOVING NELL 

heavy with incense which they burn. Altogether 
it is not a cheerful neighborhood. 

So far, all the flowers I have seen here have 
been in florist's windows, and the prices are awful. 

Yes, I have three German lessons a week, and 
I always take two lessons each time out of the 
grammar and write out the exercises, and know 
the lessons, too. But I seldom hear it spoken. 
My piano teacher spoke only German to me 
during my last lesson, and I understood nearly 
all. I am working away as best I can, but some- 
times I feel awfully discouraged. I talk with 
other pupils, and I find they all have come to be 
very humble-minded, and convinced that they are 
perfect idiots. Now, for instance, in my last 
lesson I had a Nocturne by Chopin (I am daft 
over Chopin anyway; every note appeals to me; 
every note has a real meaning to me), and I have 
seen in the past that my playing of Chopin not 
only gave myself pleasure, but pleased, and even 
moved, other people. I have always felt that 
after the excellent training I had with Mr. Hart- 
mann and my own work (in which I can truly say 
I have always been conscientious and tried my 
best), and hearing artists in New York last year 
whose playing sounded like what I aimed at, that 
I could not be far wrong. Well, I had worked 



YOUR LOVING NELL 91 

so hard over the Nocturne ! I had memorized it 
all, just as they require, being able to say the 
notes aloud away from the music. I could play 
each hand alone or both together. I studied the 
pedal, and used it just as she had marked it. Of 
every little phrase I studied the shading, and 
toward the end of the week I could have wept at 
the feeling I put into the thing. I went to my 
lesson with quite a humble feeling of pride, think- 
ing, " Perhaps to-day she will be pleased with 
me." Well, I assure you there was not a measure 
I was allowed to play through without a sugges- 
tion. The chief difficulty is what she calls 
" Hand-gellent " — I do not know how they spell 
it, but it means hand and arm movement. They 
produce nearly all their effects over here with 
little turns and twists of the hands, fingers, wrists, 
or arms. 

Frau Bree says my arms are so stiff. I was 

talking with Miss McB , a girl who has been 

here five years, and she worked two years before 
getting into this flexibility.. 

Finally, Frau Bree ended my lesson by telling 
me that the Nocturne was too difficult for me ! 
She just about broke my heart, and yet I realize 
that she is right; for I am certainly not equal to 
doing it as she requires. The fact is, I must be 



92 YOUR LOVING NELL 

an artist before playing that Nocturne. She gave 
me a Chopin waltz to do this week. I memorize 
a page each day. When I go to bed I say the 
notes from the beginning. I am trying, in a dis- 
heartened way, but I shall not be so foolish as 
again to suppose I shall have a good lesson. 

But I try to cheer myself by playing over some 
of my old pieces, and they certainly are quite 
different — a much fuller undertone, and altogether 
freer and easier. 

Oh, dearest, it is a long, hard road ! One who 
has not studied — and even one who has, like my- 
self — can have no realization of the distance be- 
tween the artist and even a good amateur. I had 
not, but I have now. 

Dearest, just now I want just you. I want to 
put my face down in your lap, just as I used in 
the still twilight — oh, ages ago, it seems! — and 
hear, as then, your low voice saying, softly, " My 
little girl, my little girl ! " 

I feel sure I shall dream to-night the best of the 
old life over. And always — sleeping or waking — 
I shall be your own 

" Little Nell." 



YOUR LOVING NELL 93 

April 28. 
Yesterday brought yours of the 9th. Of course, 
I know you appreciated my telling you every- 
thing. I so often think of you, and want to tell 
you a million little things just then and there. 
But — I do not know how it is — the time runs 
away, and tho I seem always to be in a rush I ac- 
complish little of all I plan to do. 

Yes, in October I shall not have to practise 
such rigid economy, for I am then to have one- 
third of the Mexican income. I get on beauti- 
fully here, however, and have even saved a little 
toward my summer vacation trip. I want to go 
to The Hague, and have a bit of tramping over 
the Swiss mountains. The Hague is on the sea, 
you know, and the bathing is fine. Orchestral 
concerts are given by the famous Berlin Orchestra, 
the finest in the world. 

Mr. F 's sister and her husband live there. 

He is a lawyer, but does not practise, devoting his 
time mainly to painting and music. Constant says 
he plays the violin really well. Twice a week 
they have musical evenings at his home. I will 
go to a pension near there, where the expense will 
be about the same as here. I enclose a letter 



94 YOUR LOVING NELL 

from Constant, in which he speaks of it. I think it 
will be very pleasant for me to pass a month that 
way. Then, as I said, I want to go through 
Switzerland. That can be done very cheaply. 

Miss S went last year. They sell a ticket 

for $5, on which one can travel all one wants to, 
for a month, through Switzerland. I like it here 
so much for that reason. At least among the 
students it does not matter if one is rich or poor ; 
we all chum together — in fact, no one thinks of 
" cutting a dash," as with us. I was much more 
lonely in New York and Chicago than I am here. 
Our people are certainly selfish and brusque in 
manner. In New York, especially, every one 
seems cold and utterly selfish. They have no 
time to be polite. 

Friday night I gave a little party — just the 
students from the pension — nine of us. We were 
all jolly, and played guessing games, and two of 
the doctors did sleight-of-hand tricks, which were 
really very clever. I served sandwiches, tea, and 
cakes. Yesterday we began playing tennis. I do 
not know the game, but they are all kind enough 
to be willing to teach me. We are to play twice 
a week. 

I am going, this morning, to hear Verdi's Mass, 
conducted by Mascagni. Mascagni is also going 



YOUR LOVING NELL 95 

to conduct his own opera, " Cavelleria Rusticana," 

some night this week at the opera. Miss S 

and I are going. We go everywhere together. 
She is a dear girl, and I am very fond of her. I 
must now stop writing and get dressed, so as to 
meet her on the corner in half an hour. I will 
write on the 1st, as usual. 

Lovingly, 

Nell. 



96 YOUR LOVING NELL 

May 2. 
My Dearest: — 

I tried to write you yesterday, but in the morn- 
ing I had to go away to the other end of the city 
for my piano lesson, and then in the afternoon, 
after dinner, I came home, rested a little, practised 
an hour, dressed for the opera, and had just an 
hour in which to write to you before expecting 
the girl, with whom I was going, to call for me. 
As I was just commencing to write there came a 
knock at the door, and there she was ! I was so 
disappointed. It was not five o'clock. She was 
to come at six. The opera begins at seven here, 
you know. It was Mascagni's opera, " Cavalleria 
Rusticana," that we heard last night, under his 
own leadership of the orchestra. I have often 
heard it in Mexico, but last night it was a differ- 
ent opera altogether — fuller of rhythm and poetry. 

Mascagni received quite an ovation. Miss S 

and I have made up our minds to go twice a week 
to the opera. We get seats in the third gallery 
for about seventy cents, and we see and hear very 
well there. It is foolish to be in the midst of 
such opportunities and not take advantage of 
them. How often, when I see and hear beauti- 
ful things, do I long — oh, with such longing that 



YOUR LOVING NELL 97 

I really ache! — to have you with me. But I 
shall see and hearer two y and when I come we 
will live it all over again together. I think I have 
not spoken of it very much, but I do appreciate 
these long, weary years you are passing through, 
and I think you have been extremely sweet and 
brave through all, and so has dear, dear Nonksie. 
Perhaps he will recover, after all, and I shall see 
him once again. How good he always was to me ! 
And I want you to hope and believe that brighter 
days will come, and that only a little later on we 
are all going to be happy together. But for a 
while I must stay here at my piano work. I am 
learning, certainly, but I fear I shall not, in this 
life, reach the summit for which I strive. One 
who has not been through it can have no idea 
what it means to be an artist. I have been quite 
discouraged lately, and one in such a state of mind 
can not do good work. Yesterday I told my 
teacher how I felt. She was very kind, and said 
every one passed through these stages. She said 
to play the piano well was a very, very difficult 
art, and that any teacher who is easily satisfied 
with a pupil's work is a poor teacher. I often 
think of the old saying about " fools rushing in 
where angels fear to tread." I certainly was a 
"fool," but I doubt if I am an "angel " now, even 



98 YOUR LOVING NELL 

if I do fear to attempt anything. Positively I can 
not find any piece of music simple enough to play. 
I suppose it is as my teacher says, that, when one 
is able to play even a simple thing well, one is 
then prepared to go ahead with anything and 
everything. Now, in a Chopin Waltz I am learn- 
ing, I assure you she has some especial direction 
to give about the playing of almost every note. I 
play it slowly , slowly, one hand at a time, trying 
to remember every detail. For instance, I have 
to think like this (practising always without 
music) : at the beginning of bar, the hand in 
arched position, take pedal with first note, raise 
it the instant the third note is struck ; depress 
wrist with fifth and sixth notes ; raise wrist on 
certain other notes ; the thumb goes under the 
hand on certain notes ; throw the hand up in other 
places, always watching out that the pedal is raised 
and depressed as she has marked it. I have cer- 
tainly learned a great deal, tho, for now in going 
over my old pieces I can by myself improve them 
measure by measure, applying all these things. 

Miss S was four years in Berlin and Leipsic, 

and she says the teachers there know nothing 
about a piano compared with here. For instance, 
I suppose she thought she was quite a fine pian- 
ist when she came here, because I know when 



YOUR LOVING NELL 99 

she, upon arrival, went to play to Leschetiszki 
she played a big Concerto by Chopin (it is for 
piano and orchestra, and Lesche played the or- 
chestral part on a second piano). Now she has 
been here almost two years, and she says she 
would as soon think of jumping over the moon 
as of attempting that Concerto ! So fade our dear 
illusions ! You know, tho Paderewski was a con- 
cert pianist when he came here, that he studied 
here for four years ! 

I shall not worry myself about it. I shall try 
my best, and at least I shall be better than I was. 

I enclose some photos. 

Always your 

Nell. 



LofC. 



ioo YOUR LOVING NELL 

May 5. 
There is the most awful old grind-organ play- 
ing out in the street. I am on the point of going 
mad ! Really they ought not to be allowed at 
large! I will bury myself in thoughts of you, 
Dearest, which will deafen me to all unpleasant- 
ness. I was so happy, yesterday, to hear from 
you, and eagerly devoured every word, as always. 
Dearest, we will hold each other close all our lives 
to prevent dark shadows creeping in. After all, 
as you say, "What is life without love?'' One 
strives to attain a certain perfection in any branch ; 
one grows aweary; one's ideal is ever far away, 
like the bag of gold hidden behind the rainbow; 
faint-hearted, exhausted, despairing, one sinks by 
the wayside; and then one thinks, "What is it 
all for?" The brain of clay realizes its finite, or, 
rather, infinitesimal, limit or capacity ; but, thank 
God, one then thinks of the soul, which is not 
finite but divine, and as great as heaven itself! 
The one great prerogative of the soul is to love> 
and only in loving is it worthy its divine origin. 
In loving, one shakes off these earthly shackles; 
one rises to a purer, sweeter atmosphere, where 
all is harmony, beauty, and content, and an in- 
finite range of vision. Dear, I am beginning to 
feel that God, in pity, is to heal my bruised and 



YOUR LOVING NELL 101 

wounded spirit. Then, indeed, shall I once more 
live again. 

Do you know, dear, perhaps I will not return 
here in the fall ? I have been making inquiries, 
and they say one of Leschetiszki's best preparatory 
teachers lives in Paris — a Mr. Swain. Many say 
he is far better than Frau Bree, for the reason 
that he " illustrates'' — that is, plays the things he 
teaches. That is something that I miss very 
much with Frau Bree. She never plays a note, 
and you know how it is — one may talk all day, 
and yet not convey the idea as in five minutes' 
practical illustration. I will think seriously before 
deciding. In Paris I could devote myself to 
French and acquire it somewhat. I enjoy the 
French magazine very much. It seems easy read- 
ing someway, and I find many things to interest 
me in its varied topics. 

I am sure you are right in what you say about 
tennis. I certainly feel very much used up after 
playing. 

Miss S and I went to hear "Martha" last 

night. It was not very good. I really must 
practise another hour to-night. Frau Bree gave 
me a long lesson last week. Sleep well ! 

Your loving Nelly. 



102 YOUR LOVING NELL 

May 12. 

Pardon my writing with a pencil. I am not 
feeling well. I do not know what the reason is, 
but for some time I have not been well — perhaps 
because of a cold, or too much stair-climbing, or 
too much sitting at the piano. For several weeks 
now I have been all broken up. It makes me 
furious ! I feel that I can not endure it if I am 
not to be well. Ah, but surely I shall be strong 
as a veritable daughter of Hercules in the sum- 
mer, and able to tramp all over the mountains of 
Switzerland ! 

Yesterday brought your dear letter of the 18 th 
ult. Your words always make me happy. It is 
as if a bit of yourself came floating into the room. 
Oh, yes, you are going to receive the song some 
time! It is almost copied now. If I have not 
before sent it to you, it is because I know it to be 
so utterly poor and valueless. It seems a pity to 
spoil good paper with it. And, too, I am afraid 
you mighty in a moment of madness, show it to 
some one. 

Miss S and I have been out in the coun- 
try this afternoon. Oh, it was all so sweet out 
there, and restful ! I think, however, that to en- 
joy it to the same extent and degree that I do, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 103 

one must needs have lived in Mexico, as I for so 
many years. I brought back seven shades of 
green leaves. How Nature comforts her children ! 
Each tender little leaf, timidly unfolding itself, 
seems to convey a Divine message. It is God's 
own voice, announcing newly to the world not 
only His omnipotence and omnipresence, but His 
great and unchangeable love ! Surely the days 
of miracles are not passed. The garden to the 
left of Waringer Strasse is now a marvel of tints 
and fragrance. Lilacs, white and lavender, per- 
fume the neighborhood, and all overhead is a sea 
of foamy green. I am longing for the country 
and for you ! Sometimes I become depressed 
just from loneliness, which unfits me for anything. 
It is a kind of mania possessing one. It would 
be all right if one always had the talent to justify 
one's abject devotion to one aim, but so often we 
see good honest efforts applied in the wrong 
direction. Ah, well, " Nothing succeeds like suc- 
cess!" And most of all is that true with our- 
selves. If we accomplish what we set about we 
feel a new power arising and greatening within 
us; but if we fail, or if success be delayed, it takes a 
heart of iron and a giant spirit to march bravely on. 
All my life I have dreamed of Vienna as of a 
place of enchantment which I had only to reach 



104 YOUR LOVING NELL 

to be transformed into a marvel. And it is true, 
but not in the way 1 dreamed ! I do find myself 
" a marvel " — of stupidity. Every day as I look 
in the glass I fully expect to see ass's ears grow- 
ing out of my head. I used to love the piano, 
and my playing was a source of pleasure to my- 
self and to my friends (unless they told big 
stories), but now it is only painful. I no longer 
find pleasure in it. I hate the piano — in fact, I 
scarcely know one when I see one. The sight of 
one benumbs my brain (or the place where my 
brain should be), and yet I can not give it up. I 
suffer — as a woman loving a drunken husband — 
disappointment and bitterness, but still I would 
not give it up for all the world. It is pitiful ! 
# # # * # 

I enclosed the slip about hypnotism only be- 
cause it seemed so wonderful that they could use 
it as an anesthetic in that way. I am interested 
in hypnotism ; I think it may solve the problem 
of human unhappiness. Really, all we have to do 
to be happy is to believe we are so. "As he 
thinketh in his heart, so is he," saith the Bible — 
speaking of man generically. I send you some 
of my pretty leaves. My kisses are among them. 
Your 

Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 105 

May 16. 

We (Miss S and I) have been out in the 

country again. It is now 8.30, and she and Mrs. 
R {nee H , the girl who took the Ger- 
man degree of " Dr. of Philology," and who re- 
cently married a Pole) are just gone. 

This week I am working on an awful study by 
Leschetiszki, "Jeu des Oudes " (Play of the 
Waves). It is the most awful thing (to memo- 
rize) I ever came across. They say he wrote it to 
make it difficult. Each measure goes in about 
two different keys. It is six pages long, and I am 
supposed to know it perfectly by my next lesson 
— Wednesday. I only began it Thursday. Yes- 
terday afternoon I was just about crazy over it. 
I would sit and look at the music and say the 
notes aloud, but it would not make any impression 
on my brain. Finally I just sat down at the 
piano, and played it over and over again, looking 
at the music — a thing we are especially forbidden 
to do, because then we learn by "finger memory " 
and not from the brain. I finally got almost wild 

over the thing, and in came Miss S , saying, 

" Well, my dear, I just ran down to you, for I am 
about off my head." I told her I was simply 
desperate. We talked it all over and comforted 



106 YOUR LOVING NELL 

each other, and then she gave me an examination 
on the first two pages, which I had tried to study 
well. She would say, " Tell me the notes in the 
last half of the fourth bar, and the third beat 
of three bars ; after that," etc., etc. As you may 
imagine, it is very difficult, and I had just about 
made up my mind not to try any more. My 
brain does not work right. I have never learned 

to think or to apply myself. Miss S is a 

little brick. She has been here longer than I 
and is more advanced, and she insists on dragging 
me after her. She does more for me than any 
teacher does. She can tell me from experience 
the importance of mastering this, and I begin to 
be convinced that it is vital. For instance, pupils 
who have been here — three years, say — and who 
have trained their brains, can memorize a long 
and difficult piece in one day. To me it seems 
incredible and impossible. But I have known of 
many doing it. Even in one day they would 
know it so well that if they would start playing it, 
and if at, say, the tenth bar you would take their 
hands off the piano and go on, counting the bars, 
and then suddenly tell them to come in with the 
music at the place you had reached, they would 
do it with perfect security. It is little short of 
marvelous. Lesche requires his pupils to have 



YOUR LOVING NELL 107 

the notes (and, of course, a clear and fluent tech- 
nique) so clear in the mind that if he makes some 
suggestion as to interpretation, necessitating an 
entirely different rendering, one can do it with 
perfect ease. The fingers are merely the mem- 
bers of one's orchestra, and the leader is the brain. 
To-day I have been practising much better, and 
I see just a little glimmering of light. All this 
talk about Lesche — technique ! It is a practical 
study to overcome physical difficulties, but that is 
scarcely even the beginning of it. Four-fifths of 
their technique comes from the brain. I can well 
understand, as Frau Bree says : " You are study- 
ing the piano, but this training will apply itself in 
every direction/' I am afraid I have given you a 
big dose of piano talk, but it occupies my mind. 

I have the brooch. It is beautiful! 

A world of love to you each. 

Nell. 



io8 YOUR LOVING NELL 



May 23. 

How foolish of me to write my moods out for 
your bewilderment, my dearest. I know it will 
give you pain, and if I only had the letters back 
I would fill them full of joy, of joy, of JOY — for 
your dear sake, my darling ! 

Yes, I know ; but not even the jeopardizing of 
all my property interests could induce me to leave 
here now — at least, so I feel to-day. And yet I, 
of course, can not get on without my income. It 
is now or never with my music, and I feel that 
even a brief interruption might be fatal. To tell 
the truth, I have been very discouraged of late, 
and only in the last two weeks have I begun to 
see a way through. You can imagine what it 
means for a mature person like myself to drop 
suddenly all her particularly pet little ways and 
change everything — never to be able to play a 
single note in anything in what would be to me 
a free and natural way. In my lessons there was 
seldom a note that escaped criticism. I had the 
satisfaction, in my lesson yesterday, to be told that 
I had practised 100 per cent, better this last week 
than ever before. I thought also, before I went 
to my lesson, that I had; but I have so often 



YOUR LOVING NELL 109 

been disappointed in trying to please Frau Bree 
that I did not expect any praise. It did me a 
world of good, however. And often I think — 
more and more approvingly — of what you used 
to say : " What we all need, what all the world 
needs, is encouragement — encouragement to do our 
best; and even in the midst of failure, still, and 
and all the more, encouragement ! " I think 
you used to add that, after all, failure was but a 
stepping-stone to success, as out of evil God 
brings good. If that be so (and, as I used to 
say, " What Dearest says is so — is so, if it isn't 
so") I surely shall some time succeed marvelously, 
for the stepping-stones of failure are many along 
my way. 



One thing so difficult over here is the pedaling. 
I was never taught pedaling, but always used it at 
random, as I thought it should be. I find Les- 
chetiszki's way and mine are never the same, and 
I am free to acknowledge that his is much better, 
but it is difficult. I noticed, when I first came 
here, in the playing of his pupils, such full, rich, 
velvety, organlike notes, and I find it is all in 
the pedaling. I begin to see into this, and I be- 



no YOUR LOVING NELL 

gin to memorize as they require, always seeing 
the notes in the mind's eye, and never playing 
any faster than the brain dictates — not letting the 
fingers run on. You would not believe it, but a 
thing learned and played from the brain has an 
entirely different sound. My hands and arms, 
too, are limbering, and I am " catching on " to all 
their little twists and quirks. I do not want to 
boast, but I believe if I work hard for the next 
year and a half that I shall play better than I do 
now. 

Last night was the night at Leschetiszki's. 
Rosenthal, the great pianist, was there. Did I 
tell you of the six-year-old prodigy? He plays 
at every class. He is a Pole. One night he 
played "The Mill" and a Chopin Nocturne. 
He played them better than I used. Last night 
he played a Haydn trio — piano, cello, and violin. 
He played the long and difficult piano part with- 
out music. It is simply uncanny! He is a little 
totsie in short gowns, and they have to pile books 
on the piano-stool for him. They have a mechan- 
ical arrangement attached to the pedal for the use 
of his little feet. 

It is 10 p.m., and I am tired. 

Miss S has her first lesson with Leschet- 

iszki to-morrow! She is in a great state. You 



YOUR LOVING NELL in 

would love her! We are always together. She 
has been, in many ways, a world of help to me. 
She takes nutmeg in her tea. It is her own in- 
vention, and something awful^ I think. 
With much love, 

Always affectionately, 

Nell. 



H2 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Wien, June i. 

I received your letter of May 10, just after my 
last was posted, and this morning the one of the 
1 6th arrived. 

Oh, poor little Martha! I am so sorry! But 
I hope he will suffer for his sins. Martha (just 
between ourselves) made a great mistake in not 
attending more to her personal appearance and in 
not keeping up to the times. When I was there 
last I noticed this, but I thought her extreme 
devotion would more than make up for it. And 
so it should if the man were what he ought to be. 
I am sure the wise way is for a woman, first of all, 
to be well " groomed/' then to wear pretty and 
becoming clothes ; be a little selfish in expecting 
more care and attention than she gives ; always be 
kind and affectionate, but always let the man feel 
that there are still some little recesses in her nature 
which he can not reach; always have something 
interesting to talk about ; never worry ; never 
nag! In this way a woman can always keep a 
good man's devotion. An inexperienced young 
girl could never do this. She knows nothing of 
the pitfalls in married life. All she knows to do 
— poor thing ! — is to give herself, body, heart, and 
soul, and live in abject devotion — certainly the 



YOUR LOVING NELL 113 

most foolish and disastrous course imaginable. 
A woman could not follow out my plans unless 
she were well, and unless there were money enough 
to make life easy. But even in unfortunate cir- 
cumstances a woman could do many of these 
things, and all the rest would have to come from 
her own broadness, strength, wisdom, and — most 
of all — goodness and sweetness of character. 

A woman to win a man's everlasting devotion 
and adoration must be a Solomon and a saint — 
full of infinite force and never lessening resources ! 
Some of us are not up to the standard, and that 
is why our marriages are unhappy. It reminds 
me of some great actress's advice to young girls 
wishing to go on the stage : cc Unless you have 
the face of a Madonna, the figure of a Venus, 
the skin of a rhinoceros, the brain of a genius, 
more patience than Job — don't!" 

It is now very hot here, and, tho I am feeling 
quite well again, I do not think this last month 
of piano practise would do me any good ; and so 
I have decided to go to The Hague and rest, and 
take the sea baths as soon as possible. I think 
in about two weeks I shall leave. And I may 
not return here for another year, but settle in 
Paris. I have heard of a celebrated pupil of 
Leschetiszki's, a Mr. Swain, who is, they say, as 



ii 4 YOUR LOVING NELL 

great a teacher as Lesche, and more patient and 
painstaking. He is in Paris. I have letters of 
introduction to pupils who left here to go to him 
by preference. I could perfect my French there 
also. But I have not yet decided. 

Address care of Mrs. F . She will for- 
ward my letters to The Hague address. 

Best love to you each 

From 

Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 115 

June 5. 

I expect to leave here a week from to-morrow. 
My piano goes to-morrow, as the month is then 
up. I am busy remodeling some of my gowns. 
(Am I not fortunate in knowing how to do that ? 
And more and more I thank you, dearest, for in- 
sisting that such knowledge should form a part 
of every girl's education.) And I am having a 
pretty dotted mull made for afternoons at the sea- 
shore. 

Yesterday was the great parade — Corpus Christi 
Day. It was a most gorgeous spectacle! Miss 

S and I were most fortunate in securing seats 

on Drecoll's balcony, and we had a perfect view 
of everything : the choir-boys, the priests, with 
hundreds of banners in marvelous colors ; all the 
members of the royal household ; all the nobles ; 
the city mayor; the generals of the army; the 
cardinal ; the emperor ; Ferdinand, the heir to the 
throne; his handsome but wicked brother, Otto; 
all the fine horses of the royal stables, and some 
of the royal carriages. It was an indescribable 
sight! Some day I will tell you all about it. 
Everybody was in full uniform. 

Tho we had seats, we were obliged to leave here 
at 6 a.m. (the parade was at 9). The crowd was 



n6 YOUR LOVING NELL 

dense. Many people stood all night to get places. 
I tried to take some photographs, but the light 
was too poor. 

Just now a French magazine came. I see it 
continues " The Queen's Necklace." I am in- 
terested in it. 

I have been reading Dreyfus's "Cinq Annees de 
ma Vie." It is the most heartbreaking story ! 
His sufferings haunt me nights ! I make it a 
point to look up all the words I do not know, and 
often I can not see for the tears in my eyes. 
What fine, noble natures are he and his wife ! 
What ideal love between them ! What tender- 
ness, what devotion ! It has convinced me that 
true love can endure — even through years of 
wedded days. 

To-day I read from Raja Yoga this : "He who 
can become mad upon an idea, he alone will see 
light." I wonder if it is true ? If, in other words, 
as has been asserted heretofore, all genius is in- 
sanity ? 

I will write again before leaving. 
Lovingly, 

Nell. 



PART TWO 

LETTERS FROM PARIS 



Brussels, June 20. 
My Dearest : — 

I arrived here yesterday, after the most ideal 
trip by boat down the Rhine. I sent you postals 
from Frankfort, and from every place along the 
Rhine where we made a landing. I also took 
photographs on the way, and, if they turn out well, 
you shall have copies. 

I visited Frankfort, Mainz, Konigswinter, Co- 
logne, Aix-la-Chapelle, and now Brussels. It is 
a trip I shall remember all my life — such wonder- 
ful things I have seen ! 

The scenery and the magnificent ruins along 
the way, the castles, old and modern — oh, it is all 
so wonderful ! 

Mrs. F is here. She called on me yes- 
terday afternoon, and later we went for a drive 
through the lovely woods near here. 

It is now 10.30, and soon a carriage is to come 

to take me to lunch with Mrs. F . In the 

afternoon we go sightseeing, and then she will dine 
here with me. I like her, and she, I am sure, 
feels that I respect myself. She speaks always to 

119 



120 YOUR LOVING NELL 

me in French, and I in English to her, and each 
understands perfectly. 

I shall go to The Hague in a few days. I am 
feeling very well — have walked a great deal, and 
do not tire easily. I will write you long letters 
from The Hague, and tell you all about my trip. 
Brussels is a beautiful city. 

Dearest love to you two dears 
From your own 

" Little Nell." 



YOUR LOVING NELL 121 

Hotel Zeerurst, 

Scheveningen, July 1. 

My Dearest : — 

I arrived here last Tuesday at 1 p.m., having 
had a most interesting and pleasant little trip 
from Brussels. Holland is such a beautiful and 
picturesque country, with its windmills and dikes 
everywhere. You know, nearly the whole coun- 
try is below the level of the sea. They built 
these tremendous dikes everywhere, and the wind- 
mills to pump the water out of the land so in- 
closed. Holland has been stolen from the sea. 
In these days the windmills are used in grinding 
corn, etc. 

Arriving at The Hague, I began hunting for a 
boarding-house (pension), where I could remain 
for a couple of months at not too great an ex- 
pense. I went to dozens of places, and either 
every place was full for the summer or else the 
prices were equal to the best hotels. At 6 p.m., 
worn out, I gave up the search for the day, and 
went to my hotel. The next day I found a place, 
but the only vacant room was on the fourth floor, 
and all meals on the first. I found it too much 
climbing, and began room-hunting out here at 



122 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Scheveningen. This is only a half-hour by horse- 
car from The Hague. It is a seashore resort, one 
of the most fashionable in Europe. The beach is 
beautiful white sand, with many hotels all along 
the promenade. I am at one of them, but am 
not satisfied. The prices are all so much higher 
than I expected. You see, the season here is dur- 
ing July and August, and they have to make ex- 
penses for the whole year during those months. 
I pay six guldens (one gulden is forty cents) a 
day. I ought to live for half that. I care noth- 
ing for any place simply because it is fashionable. 
I am writing to various small seaside places for 
prices, and may leave here in a few days. I am 
glad, tho, to have seen it. 

The peasant women are interesting in their 
quaint gowns, and with the golden (real gold) 
bands they wear about their heads, with white 
bonnets over them. I hope to get some good 
photos, and will send you some. 

Wednesday afternoon and evening I spent with 

Mrs. F *s married daughter, who, with her 

husband and son, lives near the most beautiful 
wood, in which we took a long walk. 

Really I must say The Hague is the most en- 
chantingly beautiful city I was ever in. In the 
first place, it is one great garden — woods, parks, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 123 

and trees everywhere. Then the city is full of 
canals, just like Venice — quaint bridges, boats, old 
towers, and castles all about. I am sending you 
postal cards, which will give you a very good idea 
of it. 

Mrs. V , Mrs. F 's daughter, is very 

pretty. Her husband is devoted to her and to 
their only child, Walter, who is five years old. 
They have a beautiful home, with a pretty gar- 
den. I have quite lost my heart to the entire 
family, they are all so devoted to each other. Mr. 

and Mrs. F have been married over thirty 

years, and they are like young lovers. I saw 
several kisses and sly little love-taps pass between 
them. I think they like me. They have always 
been most kind to me. I was in Antwerp three 
days. Every day I lunched, spent the afternoon, 
dined, and passed the evening with them. Con- 
stant took some photos of me with his father. I 
will send one for you and Nonksie (bless the dear 

heart of him !). Mrs. F is really awfully 

nice, and not a bit horrid, as I fancied she might 
be. I was so happy, and always so hungry. The 
service and customs in general seem quite like 
ours at home. I was anxious to see Constant 
with his mother and sister, to learn if he treated 
them with the same thoughtful courtesy which he 



i2 4 YOUR LOVING NELL 

showed to me. I am glad to say he does — which 
shows that it is real. 

Here, in the evening, Mr. V and I played 

duos — piano and violin. He plays very well. 
Here Dutch is the language spoken. It is not 
at all like German. I do not understand a word. 
Fortunately, nearly every one speaks English. 

Of course, I do not know where I may go, but 
I will not pay more than half what they charge 
here. It does not cost much to travel about. 
The distances are short, and I go second class. 

Miss S is gone home to Scotland, but we still 

hope to go through Switzerland together. I do 
not like being alone here. It seems very lonely. 
I would go to Paris at once (where I know some 
Vienna people and have letters to others), but I 
fear the heat. But I am having a needed rest, 
and feel all right again. 

Every afternoon and evening they have fine 
concerts here by the Berlin Philharmonic Orches- 
tra — one of the finest in the world. I went on 

Friday evening with Mr. and Mrs. V . She 

is coming out to lunch with me to-morrow. 

I do hope all is well with you two dears. Now 
I go to buy you some postal cards. 
Always your devoted 

Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 125 

Brussels, July 16. 
My Dearest: — 

I am at last settled here in Brussels. I wrote 
you several times from Scheveningen. It was 
too expensive there, and, besides, I did not feel 
comfortable there alone. I find that here in Eu- 
rope a woman traveling alone occupies an awk- 
ward position — not at all as in the United States. 
More especially does this apply to a seaside re- 
sort. I thought I should be able to make ac- 
quaintances quickly, but all respectable families 
are afraid of a woman who is alone. Besides, I 
was very lonely. A woman over here has not 

the liberty she has with us. Even Mr. V 

would not allow his wife to come out to Scheven- 
ingen to luncheon with me. They came out to- 
gether several evenings, and took me out to the 
concerts, and invited me to their home ; but Mr. 

V does not like his wife to go about alone, 

claiming that European women are not able to 

take care of themselves. I wrote to Mrs. F , 

telling her how I felt, and she suggested that I 
come to a quiet little hotel in Boisforts (a suburb 
of Brussels), where she used to go sometimes. So 
I came at once, stopping two days at Antwerp. 
They were all, as before, most kind to me, and I 



126 YOUR LOVING NELL 

spent all my time at their house, only sleeping at 

the hotel. Mrs. F , tho physically unable to 

do me so great a kindness, came with me last 
Tuesday to Brussels. We went to Boisforts, but 
found the hotel was full, so I went to a. pension, 
and in a couple of days I found the place where 
I now am. It is beautifully situated, near the 
famous Bois de la Cambre. I am with a widow 
and her three daughters. I have two pleasant 
rooms with a fine view, and I pay just half what 
I did in Scheveningen. Oh, Providence is taking 
care of me! I am so satisfied to be here. It is 
also a fine thing for my French. They speak in 
French, and I have two good hours with them 
every day at dinner and luncheon. Even in these 
few days I speak easier. They know I want to 
learn, and are kind enough to correct anything I 
say wrong. The eldest daughter (about twenty, 
I think) is an artist of great talent. Last night 
she showed me some of her work, and suggested 
that some day we go to the country together, 
where she will paint and I can read. 

Mrs. F is coming to see me to-morrow. 

I have a piano, and am doing some good practis- 
ing. I only just begin to realize how much I 
learned in Vienna ! I am, indeed, thankful for it 
all, and often I long for a glimpse of the kind 



YOUR LOVING NELL 127 

faces I learned to love there. How good they 
all were to me ! I shall remain here until Sep- 
tember, and then, perhaps, go to Paris. 

O dearest, if only you could have enjoyed 
with me the trip down the Rhine, and all the beau- 
tiful, historic places that I visited en route I Espe- 
cially in the Cathedral at Cologne was I filled with 
a longing for you that would not let me rest. It 
is a wonderful structure ! About as large as the 
Cathedral in Antwerp and marvelously impressive. 
How vividly it brought back to me dear Nonk- 
sie's reading — from John Lord, I believe — of this 
same Cathedral, in the evenings long ago. Little 
I thought then that I was to see with my own 
eyes the colossal towers that he read about — " the 
delicate spires, rising to a height of five hundred 
and twenty feet ; the wonders that must 

be studied like the glories of a landscape, with an 
eye to the beautiful and the grand, and practised 
by the contemplation of ideal excellence." And 
all these thousands of wonders consecrated to the 
God of the high and the low, to whom all are re- 
sponsible — the one dear Providence who is watch- 
ing over your little girl wherever she may be, and 
always taking care of her. Tell Nonksie — with 
my dear, dear love, and a thousand kisses right 
from the heart of me — that I thought of him there 



128 YOUR LOVING NELL 

in that holy place, and prayed for his healing and 
his peace. Tell him, also, that I never forget to 
be grateful that, through all those years— seem- 
ingly now so far away ! — he gave lavishly to me 
from the storehouse of his remarkable memory, 
of his wide knowledge of men and events, of all 
the riches of his mind so marvelously trained, so 
keenly analytical in its scope and power. 

Le bon Dieu will not let me disappoint his beau- 
tiful faith in me ! 

Lovingly yours and his 

" Little Nell." 



YOUR LOVING NELL 129 

August 20. 

Tell you of my home-life — of each day's pro- 
gram, dearest? It is all very simple and scarcely 
deserving mention, except because you wish it. 
In the first place, I get up at 7.00 always, when 
the maid knocks on my door, waking me from 
sound slumber, and I spring out of bed to take 
the pitcher of hot water she brings me. 

Then (I will confess) I sometimes go back 
again for five minutes, just to wake up properly. 
But I can not linger long, for at 7.30 she brings 
my coffee and bread, and puts it on the table in 
the front room, and I must be dressed, so as to 
take it before it gets cold. I usually get to the 
piano at 8.30. At 9.30 I begin French by read- 
ing through the morning paper, looking up in 
the dictionary all the words I do not know, and 
writing them for reference. Then I read a book 
of mythology in French, and, after about an hour 
of this, I practise another hour. Then I learn 
about five irregular verbs and write out a French 
exercise. At 12.00 Miss Frere, my teacher, 
comes, and I have to recite my verbs and the 
words I wrote down in my little book, and read 
aloud and speak, etc. 

We are always still hard at work when the 



i 3 o YOUR LOVING NELL 

lunch-bell rings. At luncheon — or, rather, din- 
ner — we speak only French, so that is like another 
lesson, as they always correct any mistake I make. 
When I first came I could understand, but I 
spoke with great difficulty. Now there is the 
greatest difference. Of course, I often make mis- 
takes, but in a few more months I shall speak 
fluently. They say I have no foreign accent. 
That comes from a musical ear. It was the same 
in Spanish. 

At dinner I might almost think I was at home 
with you. Almost the same things we use to 
have, and cooked just the same ! Madame Frere 
is such a sweet woman! I like them all very 
much, and shall be sorry to leave. 

After lunch I take a nap and regown myself. 
Then I drink a cup of tea, and either write some 
letter or practise. At about 5.00 or 6.00 I go 
out to walk in the lovely woods, or go into town 
and wander about looking in the shops, or I leave 
home at 3.00 and go to an art gallery, etc. At 
7.00 o'clock is supper. After supper, at 8.00, 
I come to my room, wheel a big chair under the 
lamp, and read history. Am reading a general 
history and a Dutch history. At 9.30 the maid 
brings hot water, and I bathe and go to bed. 

Sometimes the program is varied, and we go 



YOUR LOVING NELL 131 

for a drive in the woods or into the country, where 
there are lovely spots. Next summer we mean 
to visit the battle-field of Waterloo. Yet, in the 
main, one day is very like another. 

And so you see me, dear, and always I am 
Yours fondly, 

Nelly. 



i 3 2 YOUR LOVING NELL 



August 26. 

My birthday was such a happy day, my dear- 
est! The first thing in the morning came, by 
express, a great boxful of long-stemmed roses — 
perfect beauties ! Later another lovely bouquet 

(from Mrs. F ) and two lovely real Delft 

placques. They are exquisite copies of celebrated 
pictures. Also a dozen fine linen handkerchiefs 
trimmed with real lace, and an " N " embroidered 
in each. 

In the evening Madame Frere and her daughters 
entertained me charmingly. An interesting story 
told by Mrs. Frere I will give to you. Who 
knows what you may make of it ? 

Before commencing the story, Mrs. Frere 
showed me some pieces of lace — " Point de F Ai- 
guille" they call it. I never saw such exquisite 
lace ! The foundation is the finest net, so fine 
that it seems impossible that it could ever have 
been made by any human fingers. Through the 
net are flowers and leaves and a marvelous border. 
It was made by a young girl from a small town 
near Brussels, who makes lace for a living and for 
the support of a drunken father. Mrs. Frere got 
her to come here for a few weeks to make the lace, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 133 

and until then she had never been out of her 
native town — scarcely ever out of her own home. 
They all say she is the most beautiful creature 
they ever saw. She was as innocent and unso- 
phisticated as a young savage who knows only 
nature. She did not know that she was beautiful. 
She hated to go on the street because every one 
turned to stare at her. She would come home 
with her lips quivering and her great eyes half- 
drowned in tears, and ask madame if anything was 
wrong with her dress. She said it seemed to her 
that the men looked at her more than did the 
women. " What could be the matter ? " 

In Brussels every year there is a grand fair — 
" la foire" they call it. It is in a wide street by 
the Gare du Midi, and it is a veritable Bedlam 
that everybody enjoys — and later wonders why. 
Of course, as is common at such places, there are 
lines of little booths where they sell all sorts of 
rubbish. 

Well, this girl went to the fair one fine day, 
her jet-black hair falling in perfect waves below 
her knees, and herself a picture that any lover 
of the beautiful in nature must inevitably rejoice 
in. One of the booth-keepers, seeing her stand 
in rapt admiration before two vases made of com- 
mon glass, through which sparkled tin-foil, came 



i 3 4 YOUR LOVING NELL 

up to her and wickedly offered to trade the vases 
for her hair. The vases were each marked " 50 
centimes " (10 cents). The girl was delighted, 
and came home with short-cropped hair, but 
happy as a child over her treasures. She filled 
them with fresh flowers every morning, and set 
them in the little window where all the days she 
sat patiently making her lace, never thinking of 
the price she had paid, so delighted was she to 
have something beautiful really her very own. 
One day a sudden storm arose, and the window, 
being insecurely fastened, came down, and the 
vases were broken into a thousand pieces. Poor 
Gretchen ! She wept, and refused to be com- 
forted until the man who sold her the vases, hear- 
ing of her misfortune, brought her two others 
really beautiful, and later offered her his heart and 
hand, which she dutifully declined. Her "father 
could not take care of himself," she said, and, 
without her> " he would die. She thanked mon- 
sieur, but she should never marry." 

And " monsieur " went back to his truck-booth 
whistling the Marseillaise, and, apparently, quite 
content. But, after all, he had done the sweet 
little lace-maker the highest honor he could com- 
pass in her behalf, and she seemed to appreciate, 
in a modest way, the distinction she had gained, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 135 

weeping a little in Madame's motherly embrace, 
because " she was so sorry for him ! " 

Dear little Gretchen ! I am glad her smile will 
come again — likewise her hair. 

Good-night, my best beloved. 

Nelly. 



1 36 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Brussels, August 28. 

How happy I was to get your dear letter this 
morning ! It started the day brightly for me, and, 
because of it, I have done betterwork to-day. Oh, 
I am so sorry the summer is passing ! I do not 
like the cold winter. To-day is a foretaste of it. 

Just now I have had my French lesson, and 

have written to Miss T and to Dr. R , 

Paris. I wrote to Vienna to get his address; 
it is different from the one he sent me in The 
Hague. I hope now to have an answer from 
him, and shall be glad if he is in Paris when I ar- 
rive, as I know he will be of help to me in find- 
ing just the right place. 

Do you know, I have been thinking about my 
coming life in that gay city, dear heart, and won- 
dering if you might ever have any anxieties about 
me at any time. I was thinking, too, how loving 
and kind and all that is dear you are, and of how 
truly I love both you and Nonksie, and I want 
you both to trust me implicitly. I shall, no 
doubt, go about some, and meet a good many 
people — notable men and women ; but, in our 
separation, I am sure you will keep a firm faith in 
me and in my perfect safety, and so be peaceful 
and happy in every thought that comes my way. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 137 

No matter where I may be, in absence from you, 
I want you always to be possessed by a feeling of 
joyous security — believing, as I do, that Provi- 
dence is taking care of me. 

This is just a little extra, dear heart. 

#• # #• # # 

I had a very sad letter from Mr. M the 

other day. For the past four or five months his 
health has been failing, and his ship, the Vigilancia^ 
went on the rocks, you know. It was just off the 
coast of Cuba, and he remained on board six 
weeks while wreckers were trying to get the noble 
old ship off. He contracted a fever there, but re- 
covered somewhat, and was offered a position as 
chief engineer on a fine new ship, the Esperanza. 
He wrote me from Vera Cruz, saying that every 
hour he grew worse, and that he is almost totally 
blind. He thinks, and hopes, the suffering will 
soon be over. He is a splendid man, always 
doing some kind act for somebody. It seems 
too hard, and he is only forty years old ! 

How many sad things one finds in life ! After 
all, health is the most important thing, and all 
troubles are as nothing compared to a desperate 
physical condition. 

Good-by, dear heart. 

Fondly, your Nelly. 



138 YOUR LOVING NELL 



Brussels, September 2. 

I could not write you yesterday, tho all day, 
out in the country, I kept the trysting-time with 
you in loving thought and plan. We visited the 
ruins of an old monastery — Le Abbaye de Villars. 
It is about an hour, by train, from Brussels. 
Baedeker speaks of it only a few words. It was 
built in 1200, and practically destroyed at the 
time of the French Revolution. My dear, it is 
marvelous ! The church and monastery cover a 
large space of ground, and even the ruined castles 
on the Rhine are not so imposing. I never saw 
anything so picturesque and fascinating. We are 
going again next Sunday, and I shall take some 
photographs. We bought a French book telling 
all about it, and I shall send it to you with the 
pictures. What made me know of and wish to 
visit the ruins was a book Miss Frere gave me to 
read — " Dom Placide." It is a diary kept by a 
monk who lived and died there, and whose body 
was found a long time afterward when an old wall 
was torn down. 

Such a mistake we made yesterday ! — a mis- 
take that nearly resulted in our not seeing the 
ruins at all. We did not leave town until 1 p.m., 



YOUR LOVING NELL 139 

and, after traveling about an hour, expecting every 
moment to arrive at the station, the train finally 
stopped, and outside, on a big board, we saw : 
" Hotel des Ruins de Villars." We naturally 
thought that was the place to get off, and only 
when the train was moving did we find out our 
mistake. We had left the train — and the train 
had left us — two stations too soon ! We tried to 
hire a carriage, but there was none to be had, and 
no train again for two hours. We were told that 
by fast walking one could cover the distance in 
an hour and a half, and we decided to try it. 
The day was magnificent — a little breeze at our 
backs, a good road, and a little sun floating in 
and out between beautiful white clouds. I started 
with a jacket and feather boa on, but soon gave 
them up to be carried for me, and the last half 
hour I could only go stumbling along. 

We reached the Abbaye at just half-past six, 
and as at seven it is dark now, we saw it only 
hurriedly. 

Returning, we dined at the Hotel des Ruines 
(which had caused us such a long walk), and, tho 
tired, we were quite proud of ourselves, as in the 
train we simply flew along, and it had taken even 
the great engine to do the distance in twenty 
minutes. 



140 YOUR LOVING NELL 

We reached home at 10 p.m., and I found 

awaiting me a letter from Miss M , telling 

me of her brother's death on August 3. It was 
a terrible shock to me, for, tho I knew he was 
very ill, I did not think he would die. I was so 
tired I could not sleep all night, and every instant 
to-day the thought of his death is present in my 
mind. 

When I think that that fine ship, the Vigilancia> 
on which I came up to New York not a year ago, 
has gone to pieces on the rocks, that her captain, 
who for thirty years had followed the seas, is dead, 

and now poor Jack M , I can not realize it! 

It seems to me I could again step aboard, as I did 
at Vera Cruz, and find everything and every one 
"just as of old." It seems impossible that he 
whom I saw so strong a year ago is no longer 
upon the earth ! Where is he ? The whole idea 
of death, with all its awful mystery and irrevo- 
cableness, has been brought vividly before my 
mind. Forgive me, dear, for burdening you with 
such thoughts ! Life is brief. It is but a moment 
at longest. Let us love each other well. The 
sweetness and purity of that love will prepare us 
for that supreme moment which we must all 
know. 

To-day I have had my French lesson, but have 



YOUR LOVING NELL 141 

done nothing else — nor tried to. I feel home- 
sick. I want you! 

Good-night, my dear. To-morrow I shall be 
all right, and will apply myself diligently to my 
work. 

Always lovingly and faithfully 
Your 

" Little Nell." 



i 4 2 YOUR LOVING NELL 

September 9. 

What an awful thing, the shooting of President 
McKinley ! I sincerely hope that when you read 
these lines he may still be alive and on the road 
to health. To-night's paper says the doctors 
think that they can save him. 

I am in the midst of packing, and am to leave 
here the nth, as I wrote you, and for Paris on 
the 14th, being the guest of Mr. and Mrs. 
F en route. 

I am so happy to know that dear Nonksie's 
hand and arm are recovering. I trust he will 
soon be as well as ever ; and you — you must 
take life as easy as you can, and be always hope- 
ful and happy. 

#• * * * * 

I do not know anything about the " Kneip 
cure," excepting that the patients walk about with 
bare feet each morning (the colder the better), 
and put their stockings on without drying their 
feet. I know I had a French teacher in Mexico 
who, having no garden in which to walk, used to 
have his servants throw buckets of icy water on a 
brick floor and then walk barefooted. 

Also, from an " altogether " bath, they get into 
their clothes without drying themselves — some- 
thing like a cold compress, I suppose. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 143 

It is very cold here. I shall be glad to get to 
work again, and now my holiday is practically 
ended. I am sending you, by registered mail, a 
catalog from Wiertz's Museum and a few photos of 
his pictures. One thing I heard that his biogra- 
pher has not included in the book. When he was 
presented by the city with this mammoth studio, 
he complained that it was too small ; but he set 
to work immediately on his picture, " One of the 
Great Ones " (about thirty-five feet high). I 
send a photo of this picture. You will see the 
giant is bent double, the length of his leg and 
doubled body occupying the height of the can- 
vas. Wiertz, in disgust, called in the city au- 
thorities, and said : " You see, I shall have to 
make all my figures doubled over in order to get 
them in ! " 

The city fathers expostulated with him, and 
after that he confined himself to his limits. And 
yet he painted many little pictures, marvels of 
beauty and of delicacy of finish — especially so 
" The Carrot," I think they call it. You will find 
it in the catalog. I do not send any photo of 
his greatest picture, " The Triumph of Christ," 
because none is clear. They give no idea of it, 
but you will find in the catalog a full and excel- 
lent description of it, as well as of many others 



i 4 4 YOUR LOVING NELL 

of his marvelous paintings. This gallery is an 
immense room. In two ends the corners are 
screened off, and one looks at pictures only 
through little peep-holes. The subjects are ter- 
rible, and, seen in that way, they do not look 
like paintings, but reminded me of the " Chamber 
of Horrors," in the Eden Musee. One is a per- 
son bursting his way out of his coffin. Another, 
" Crime and Famine " — a woman with crazy, 
laughing eyes, who has killed her child, one little 
foot and leg of whom protrude from a boiling pot 
near by. She holds the little body in her lap, 
cutting off the other leg. It is wonderfully done, 
and keeps me awake o' nights when I ought to be 
asleep. It is a sermon against the monopoly of 
riches. And yet I never, in all the galleries, have 
seen feminine beauty more exquisitely portrayed 
than here (you will see in the " Two Young 
Girls " what a lovely creature a maid is), and his 
coloring is wonderful. 

I leave here for Paris on the nth, stopping 
three days in Antwerp, the guest of Mr. and Mrs. 
F . 

You may still send my letters here. Mrs. 
Frere will forward them as soon as I can send her 
my address. 

With dearest love, your Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 145 

22, Avenue Montaigne, Paris, 

September 22, 1901. 
My Dearest : — 

It seems a long time since I wrote to you, tho in 
reality I believe it is not. In traveling and seeing 
new faces, a few days seem weeks. I wrote you 
from Antwerp on the 13 th and registered the letter, 
which contained a little birthday remembrance. 

I arrived here — in big, beautiful, wonderful 
Paris — a week ago to-morrow, and have spent the 
entire time trying to find a suitable place to live 
in. I brought addresses from various people and 
got others from good agencies. The first day I 
went to a select but expensive pension, and from 
there began my search. Of course, the first two 
days, being so utterly strange here, I was obliged 
to engage cabs — two francs an hour (forty cents) 
to take me about, and it cost me a great deal, as 
distances are so great. I also used cars and buses, 
and walked. 

The city on the south side of the Seine is filthy, 
but cheaper : narrow, dirty, crowded streets, with 
Heaven only knows what kind of people. The 
so-called " Latin Quarter " is over there. I am 
told many Americans live in the Latin Quarter, 
but the mere mention of that part of the city is an 
offense to a European. 



146 YOUR LOVING NELL 

On the north side I find the prices awful! I 
have worn myself out hunting, and Friday I was 
too ill to leave my room. Yesterday I moved 
here. I am between the river and the Champs- 
Elysees (the newest and best part of the town), 
and have one room on an inner court, for which I 
pay twenty-five francs a week. Near is a pension 
at which I take my dinners. It was my inten- 
tion to get my own luncheons in my room, but 
now the landlady of the pension has come down in 
her prices, and offers me a pleasant room on the 
street, my board, lamp, fire in room, and a French 
lesson daily for ten francs a day. 

I have figured it out in every way, and I could 
not live any cheaper here. Besides, there I shall 
be much more comfortable, and not lonely, as there 
are plenty of nice people in the house, tho most 
of them, I am sorry to say, English-speaking. It 
is wonderful how we overrun the whole country ! 
I am sure if it were not for Americans, nine-tenths 
of the hotels in Europe would have to close. 

The pension will thus cost about $62 a month. 
It seems dear, but I have not found anything 
cheaper, even in the least desirable places ; and 
this is really beautiful. There is an elevator, so I 
shall not have to climb stairs. I shall leave here 
when my week is up. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 147 

As yet I have seen nothing but streets and the 
buildings I have chanced to pass, but I can readily 
believe that Paris deserves her reputation of being 
the most beautiful city in the world. I shall try 
to take some good photos. To-day I went to the 
Louvre. Of course it is wonderful, but I was too 
tired to look about much. I intend to spend my 
recreation hours there, and will tell you of the 
things I see, and send you photos. 

I have not yet seen my piano teacher. After 
moving into the pension^, shall get a piano and prac- 
tise a week before going to him. In the pension I 
can speak French with madame, her daughter, and 
a charming Norwegian girl who is studying to be a 
concert-singer. We shall get on famously together. 
I have several very good letters of introduction 
— one to a Spaniard who publishes a musical 
paper here and at whose house many artists meet, 
one to the Spanish Consul and his wife; and, tho 
the first days in a strange city are always miserable, 
I shall soon be hard at work again, and so forget 
that I have, since coming here, seemed to myself 
like a body walking around without a soul. Did 
you feel it with you> dearest ? 

I shall move, on Saturday, to Rue Boccador, 
No. 4, corner Avenue Montaigne. 

Lovingly, Nell. 



148 YOUR LOVING NELL 

September 26, 1901. 

I am distressed at the delay in the forwarding 
of my mail from Brussels. I wrote Madame 
Frere, asking her to send my letters, and all the 
week I have been expecting them. To-morrow 
I move to the pension, where I am to have a room 
on the fifth floor. There is a funny little elevator 
— just large enough for two — into which one 
enters, closes the door, presses a button indicating 
the floor one wishes to stop at, pulls a rope, and 
up one goes — but oh, so slowly ! When you 
reach your floor you get out, shut the door, pull 
a rope, and the little thing goes down again. The 
funny part is, you can go up, but not down, in it. 

Many things over here amuse, and sometimes 
irritate, me too. For instance, I went, the other 
day, to a Turkish bath-house, bought my ticket 
of a woman at the desk, paying for it two francs 
and a half (fifty cents). I was shown into a little 
room, where I disrobed, put my sheet about me, 
and was ushered into a terrifying-looking place — 
a square room with ceiling about six feet high, 
and all in stone, barred windows letting in a few 
rays of light. I, who have been reading so much 
of late of various prisons and chambers of torture 
about Paris, could not help a feeling of awe creep- 
ing over me, especially as the temperature was 



YOUR LOVING NELL 149 

sufficient (so it seemed) nicely to roast and brown 
a person in about twenty minutes. The attend- 
ants had left me, after showing me into this dread- 
ful place. I stood it until I felt the blood burst- 
ing out of the top of my head, and then, after 
quite a search, I found a tap of cold water, with 
which I cooled and wet my hair. At last I found 
a bell and called the attendant. I told her I 
wanted my bath ! She said if she " scrubbed me 
off with soap and water' ' it would be one franc 
and fifty centimes, and if she washed my hair it 
would be another franc and fifty. I indignantly 
protested, saying I had already paid 2.50 francs 
for a bath, and I had had no bath. She replied 
that the price was 2.50 to come in. Of course, I 
had to pay the other three francs, but I was very 
angry. That is the way over here — pay, pay, 
pay, at every turn. Every one is very kind and 
polite, but you are expected to pay for it all ; and 
if you do not, you are snubbed and scowled at. 

The water of Paris is unsafe to drink. Every 
one drinks wine instead, but I am not accustomed 
to it, and, besides, I do not like it. At the pen- 
sions^ hotels, and restaurants the wine is served 
free at dinner — like water at home. If one wants 
water, one must buy mineral water. I bought at 
a drug-store near here a bottle of Vichy water — 



i 5 o YOUR LOVING NELL 

sixty centimes (about fifteen cents) — the druggist 
giving me change for a ten-franc gold piece. 
Yesterday I had my luncheon down-town and 
near the Louvre, so that I could go easily to the 
gallery afterward. I gave a five-franc piece to 
pay for my lunch (2.50 francs), and the clerk said: 
" Oh, that is Spanish money, and worth only 
3.50 ! " I had to give them other money. When 
I came out I could not remember where I got it, 
but afterward recalled the druggist. I went there, 
and accused him of giving it to me. He coolly 
admitted it, and gave me another five-franc piece. 
Would you not have thought he would have been 
ashamed — cheating a stranger, or any one else, 
like that? But he did not tell a lie about it, and 
that must be set down to his credit. 

I am disappointed in the shops of Paris. I 
expected to go wild with longing for all the pretty 
things, but I have not bought five cents worth, 
nor wished to. 

The celebrated Louvre is just like one of our 
department stores at home, and not so nice-looking 
as Wanamaker's, in New York — at least, / think 
so. The best dressmakers do not display to the 
public. 

So far, I like Brussels much better than Paris. 
The shops are certainly more beautiful, and the 



YOUR LOVING NELL 151 

prices lower. A lady at the pension told me that 
the cost of almost everything is much greater than 
formerly. She ought to know, as she used to live 
here, and this is her sixth trip abroad. She lays 
it all to the " rich Americans." 

The Louvre (entrance free) is wonderful, but 
so big that, in seeing so much, one sees scarcely 
anything. It takes an hour and a half of good 
fast walking merely to go through all the rooms ; 
and when one thinks how each room is full of 
priceless paintings, sculpture, jewels, tapestries, 
carpets, rugs, furniture, antiquities from all nations, 
etc., one can not expect to see all — in a hurry. 
I have been twice now, but it is tiresome, as there 
are not many benches for sitting. I intend mak- 
ing a point of going regularly — about twice a week. 

There are plenty of buses and steam-trams 
running in every direction. All of these have 
seats on top, which are fine for observation and 
very cheap (fifteen centimes). I got on one to- 
day at random, and rode more than an hour 
straight east over the city. I went to the former 
site of the Bastile, now nothing but a square with 
a monument rising from it. 

I will write you the first of the week. 
A world of love to you each. 

Nell. 



i 5 2 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Paris, October 4. 
Dearest : — 

I wrote you in detail (on the 2d) of the word 
from Mexico which seemed to make imperative 
my immediate return. There is nothing here to 
keep me except my piano work, which is, of 
course, out of the question now. Without an 
hour's sleep, I have given two days and nights to 
anxious study of the situation, and have decided 
to sail from Antwerp on the steamer Zeeland^ Red 
Star Line, October 12, arriving in New York the 
2 2d. I go to-morrow to Brussels. Address : 
No. 209 West Forty-fourth Street, New York. 

This has all come upon me so suddenly that I 
think I feel as you did when the typhoon struck 
your ship off the coast of Japan ! Heaven send 
me as safe a landing ! But still I know that, amid 
the seeming wreck of things, the same good Provi- 
dence is taking care of me ! Perhaps the better 
so by giving me the will — and, I trust, the judg- 
ment — to take care of myself. I shall do the 
best I can in the position forced upon me. And 
/ shall see you — you and dear, dear Nonksie ! — 
before I come back again, which, I hope, will not 
be long. 

Say a little prayer for Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 153 

S. S. "Friesland," 

Sunday, July 21, 1902. 
My Dearest : — 

This is our first rough and unpleasant day. 
Nearly every one is ill, so I will take advantage 
of the opportunity to write to you. Since we left 
New York the weather has been perfect, and at 
the captain's table we have a congenial little party 
of six : two well-known portrait-painters (one ac- 
companied by his wife) of New York ; a young 
Englishman, who has a house there for artistic dec- 
orating ; and a Dutch girl, who is a journalist. 

Miss H , the journalist, makes a specialty of 

art criticism. She is quite young and simply fas- 
cinating — a perfect child in some ways, with the 
keen, clear brain of a man. She keeps us in roars 
of laughter. We have formed ourselves into what 
we call "The Modern Laughing and Art Club." 
In the day we play shuffleboard, tell stories, talk 
of art and artists, and in the evenings play chess, 
dominoes, or other games. 

I sometimes play the piano for them. Mr. 

V , the Belgian artist living in New York, 

has asked permission to paint me for the Paris 
Salon. In payment for my posing for him, he 
has agreed to paint a copy for me, and I bind 



i 5 4 YOUR LOVING NELL 

myself not to let any other artist paint me. Miss 

H is the only woman journalist in Holland, 

and she has been in New York for three months. 
Her impressions of our country are very interest- 
ing. In every part of the world she has passes 
to all theaters and concert-halls. At table we 
speak only French. 

* * * * * 

This is our eighth day out. We shall arrive 
day after to-morrow. I wrote you at some length 
the last thing before leaving. Certainly Provi- 
dence has taken care of me and success has at- 
tended me since I crossed, nine months ago. Now 
I mean to see what is in me. Some things are 
more in my favor than when I first went to Eu- 
rope, for I have now good friends there, some 
places that are like home to me, and I have suffi- 
cient means to live comfortably and to study art 
as long as I shall find pleasure in it (which surely 
will be as long as life lasts). Above all, and better 
than all, / have health. I shall spend a few days 
in Brussels with Madame Frere, and then go on 
to Paris and get hard to work at once. 

I am all alone in my stateroom and very com- 
fortable, excepting that to-day, on account of the 
storm, the port-hole has to be closed and the air 
is stuffy. There are but few passengers. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 155 

Good-by, my dearest. You must not feel 
that you are alone, even if I am so far away, for 
always I am with you in spirit, and you know you 
can always count on me, whatever comes. I will 
write you from Antwerp. 
With best love to each, 

Yours, 

Nelly. 



i 5 6 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Antwerp, 39 Rue Peter Benoit, 

July 24, 1902. 
My Dearest: — 

I posted you a letter from Flushing. We ar- 
rived here at 8 p.m. Tuesday evening. It was 
raining, but Mrs. F had kindly sent a car- 
riage for me and a cordial invitation to pass a few 
days with them. I received a hearty welcome 
from all. 

Yesterday morning we went to the picture 
museum, where our little crowd from the ship 
had arranged to meet. I found it interesting and 
instructive — viewing the pictures by the side of 
artists. I do not yet know a good picture from 
a bad one, but I hope to learn. It is in painting 
as in music — unless one has studied music one can 
not know good from bad. How often it hap- 
pens that critics are not competent judges. Miss 

H , the little Dutch girl, the art critic, of 

whom I wrote you, was yesterday standing before 
a certain painting. She said : "I do not like it!" 

Mr. B , the celebrated portrait-painter, 

said: "Why?" 

She answered: "It does not appeal to me. I 
feel nothing for it." 

" My dear young lady," reproved Mr. B , 



YOUR LOVING NELL 157 

"it is not a question of what you 'feeV for a pic- 
ture, but of what you know about it." 

Mr. V has asked permission to present 

me with a painting of violets (his own work) for 
my room in Paris. Is he not kind ? You may 

be sure I accepted. Mr. V is one of the 

first Belgian artists of the day. 

I remain here until Monday, when I go to 
Madame Frere's, in Brussels. It will seem quite 
like home there, and I shall stay, perhaps, a week. 
Madame Frere is such a dear ! You remember 
how she took me in her motherly embrace, weep- 
ing, when I left, last year, and during the months 
of absence what fond and beautiful letters she 
wrote to me. You may continue addressing me 
there until you know where I am to settle in Paris. 

Yesterday we went to the Zoological Gardens. 
They have the largest and finest collection of ani- 
mals in the world. The garden is also very beau- 
tiful. There was a good military band playing, 
and after we had walked all about we sat on the 

veranda and drank tea. Mrs. F , Constant, 

and I went together. She is very kind to me — 
often as tender as tho I were hers instead of 
yours. It is nice to be here again, but I am rest- 
less, and anxious to get to work. 

Always your Nell. 



158 YOUR LOVING NELL 

50, Rue du Monastere, 

Brussels, August 1. 
My dear, dear. Dearest : — 

I came here to Madame Frere's on Monday, 
and found awaiting me your dear letter of July 9. 
It is too bad that you felt so lonely when you 
were writing. I can sympathize with that feeling, 
because I have often had it — the desolation of a 
lost dog ! I suppose every one suffers so at 
times, but it is a dreadful sensation. Still, my 
dearest, you must not feel alone, because, as I 
always tell you, you can count on me ! Tho I am 
far away, you are a part of all my thoughts — of 
all my inmost life. 

It is very cold here, and I am half frozen all 
the time. Shall be glad to get to Paris, where, I 
hope, it will be warmer. I think I even prefer 
the heat of New York to this out-of-season cold. 

I received here a notice from the New York 
post-office of a registered package. I could not 
imagine what it was, but your letter explains it is 
for my birthday. How kind and sweet of you, 
dearest, to send me the amber things ! And how 
I shall love them and be proud to wear them ! I 
am writing to the post-office to deliver package to 
Mr. C , and I shall ask him to call for it and 



YOUR LOVING NELL 159 

forward to Paris when I am settled there. Miss 

M is not in New York now, or she would 

attend to it for me. 

Thank Nonksie for his letter to me. I shall 
certainly follow his advice. Explain to him, 
please, that my reason for going to Paris instead 
of Vienna is, as I wrote you, that I may live with 

Miss M . She does not like Vienna, and I 

can study as well in Paris as anywhere. Besides, 
it is a more cheerful city to live in. I did not 
like it last year, but that is not to say that Paris 
is not delightful. I saw it under the worst cir- 
cumstances. This year I hope to get on better. 

Miss M can not come before October. I 

am very fond of her. I am surprised that when 
you wrote you had not received my letter acknowl- 
edging the receipt of your beautiful gift of the 
gold spoons, cake-knife, and the lovely silk lin- 
gerie made by your own hands. I love them all 
very much, and wrote as soon as I received them 
(the day before sailing). 

Brussels is as beautiful as ever, or would be if 
the sun would show his smiling face ! 

Madame Frere gave me a motherly welcome. 
To-day it rains — rains. We were going for a 
drive, but I do not know now what we can do. 
The Art Gallery closes at 5 p.m. 



160 YOUR LOVING NELL 

I shall go to Paris next week. Thank Nonk- 
sie again for his dear letter, and assure him that 
I am going to do the very things he wishes, and 
that Providence is going to help me. 
With very best love to each, 

Your 

Nelly. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 161 

Brussels, August 6. 

I have two letters ot yours to answer, of the 
17th and 2 2d — the latter received yesterday. 

I am glad that you and Nonksie feel as I do 

about my attitude toward . He is a 

gentleman in every way. In fact, I never met 
any one so refined and delicate as he, and so 
thoughtful and kind; but he has gone through 
great troubles, and their shadow will, I fear, 
always be over him. I, who have had my share 
of sorrow and many a fight to keep my spirits up, 
need some one (if ever I need any one) full of 
hope and animation. I am very well off as it is. 
I am not now, as I was two years ago, a lonely, 
frightened creature, starting out alone in the world 
and shrinking almost from my own shadow, but 
a self-reliant woman, who commands respect and 
makes friends in every direction — friends, too, 
among the very best; and they always remain my 
friends. Mr. is satisfied, or, at least, ac- 
cepts my decision to remain as I am for some 
years and to develop myself — not only in piano- 
playing, but in every direction. I tell him I feel 
I never before had a chance to broaden out. In 
Wien I was too miserable and worried. Now I 
mean to see what is in me. 



162 YOUR LOVING NELL 

On the 13th I leave for Paris. There I shall 
present my letter of introduction to Mr. Toledo, 
who is, I am assured, prominent among musical 
artists there, and see what the prospects for good 
study are. I think I wrote you last week that 
Mr. Swain, with whom I intended to study, is 
not there any longer. Since then I have been 
hesitating whether or not to go to Vienna, where 

my good friend Scottie (Miss S ) is, but now 

I have decided to go first, anyway, to Paris. It 
will be but a trifle more by way of expense to do 
so, and then I can look about and remain if I 
think best. I prefer Paris on account of my 
French (which needs a good deal of polishing), 

but I am sure Miss M would go to Wien, 

if I were there, instead of to Paris. 

Mr. V , the artist of whom I wrote you, 

called yesterday, and introduced me to his father, 
who is also an artist ( Professor at the Royal 
Academy of Belgium), and eighty-three years old. 

His mother is the same age. Mr. V , senior, 

is a distinguished-looking man, straight as the 
proverbial arrow, and bright and jolly as a boy. 
He and his wife are soon to celebrate their 
sixtieth wedding anniversary ! They live in 
Edeghen, a province of Antwerp. To-day a big 
box of flowers came to me from their country 



YOUR LOVING NELL 163 

home — such wonderful roses, and so fragrant. 
The house is sweet with them. Was it not kind 
of the dear old people ! Every one is good to me. 

Mr. V , the younger, is also a delightful 

man. As Mr. B , another New York artist, 

said of him on the ship, " He has all the polish 
of a European and the solidity of an American. " 
He has lived fourteen years in the United States, 
and has quite a reputation in New York and in 
Paris as a portrait-painter. It is he who is to 
paint my portrait for the Salon, but not until next 
year, as he returns to New York next month. 

I enclose a photo taken in the F 's garden 

at a dinner they gave to their family doctor and 
his children. It is not good of any of us, the 
sun would shut our eyes ; but it gives you an 
idea of the group, and allows a peep at the 
grounds, which are lovely. 

This is a long letter, but never too long, I 
know, since you are always, as you say, searching 
every little corner and margin of my letters with 
an Oliverian cry for "more." 

Thank dear Nonksie for his sweet messages, 
and give him my love. With much for yourself, 
Always yours, 

Nell. 



1 64 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Paris, August 14, 1902. 
My Dearest : — 

I arrived here yesterday at 6 p.m., and came at 
once to this boarding-house (Rue Lord Byron), 
as I had a card of introduction to the landlady. 
She seems a kindly disposed little woman, but 
the house and furniture are old. However, I 
have decided to remain here until I look about. 
I have unpacked my valises. The sight of my 
own familiar little things always comforts me. 
They are like loving, faithful little friends. And, 
after all, there is no place like home — like Amer- 
ica, I mean. I am going to-day to present my 
letter to Mr. Toledo, and to learn how he prom- 
ises to treat me. I think you know that he is the 
editor of a musical magazine, and at his house, so 

Mr. C says, one has a chance of meeting all 

the great musicians of the world. I shall make 
an effort to find Mr. Swain. Am going to the 
American Minister and Consul. They may be 
able to tell me. 

Later. — 1 am back from my interview with 
Mr. Toledo. He was very kind. He recom- 
mends Moszkowski. He is a great artist as well 
as composer. Mr. Toledo says he will introduce 
me to all the great artists in the season. He 



Paris, August 14, 1902. 

rjrday at 6 p.m., and came ft 
}g-house (Rue Lord Byron: 
:ard of introduction to the lar 
a kindly disposed little woman, bu 
f "urniture are old. However, 
remain here until I look ; 
1 my valises. The sight 
little things always cor 
zing, faithful little friends. 

1 am ^o-day to pi 

irn how 
nk you know th.> 
id at hr 
has a chance of meef 
the world. I shall 
wain. Am going 
d Consul. The 

ck from my 1 
very kind. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 165 

showed me the beautiful concert-hall in their store 
(they sell iEolian and Steinway pianos). The 
hall is already engaged for one hundred and fifty 
concerts, to which Mr. Toledo will perhaps give 

me tickets. Mr. C thought he would. I 

told him I wished to live comfortably, but cheaply. 
He agreed with me that a select private family 
would suit me better than a boarding-house — at 
which there are always Americans and, conse- 
quently, high prices. Besides, I wish to hear 
only French. Mr. Toledo will get some ad- 
dresses for me, and Saturday he will go about 
with me to see what we can find. With such 
prospects, I think I would better decide to remain 
here. I am so anxious to get settled and to work ! 

In this pension there are some interesting mu- 
sical people — two opera-singers (gentlemen), and 
a lady singing-teacher from Boston. 

I enclose some photos taken on the steamer 
between Vera Cruz and New York, and between 
New York and Antwerp. Continue for the pres- 
ent addressing my letters to Brussels. With very 
much love, and hoping all is well with you, 
Your affectionate 

Nell. 



166 YOUR LOVING NELL 

August 1 6. 

I had a great experience yesterday. After de- 
jeuner I decided to visit the Musee de Luxem- 
bourg, to see some of the paintings of which I 
have read so much. The landlady informed me 
that I must take the bus at the Etoile and trans- 
fer at the Palais Royal. I got safely to the latter 
place, and waited and waited for a bus saying 
" Luxembourg " on it. Finally, becoming dis- 
couraged, I went into the little bus-stand and 
made inquiries. 

" Yes," the man informed me, " the Luxem- 
bourg bus passes this way." 

He gave me a little ticket with a number on it. 
Again I waited. I read in vain the many signs 
on the passing buses. At last I went again to 
consult the man in the little house. He said : 

" The bus has passed a dozen times. It does 
not say c Luxembourg.' There it is now ! " 

I flew out as a yellow bus pulled up. I 
jumped on the steps and darted inside, determined 
not to be left. The conductor yelled at me, and 
came, screaming, inside, and tried to put me out 
by force. It seems I should have waited my 
turn. But I stuck to my position with true 
American spirit. By that time the attention of 



YOUR LOVING NELL 167 

every one in the bus was attracted to me, and 
some man observed that I held a transfer in my 
hand. He and all his family (Jews) began in loud 
tones to inform me that it was a matter of life 
and death that I give that transfer up to some in- 
spector standing outside. As I did not understand, 
the Jew seized my ticket, tore out, and gave it 
away to somebody. At last we were off to the 
Musee ! Atter much bumping around inside the 
bus, and many windings in and out streets, we 
arrived. 

And I found the Musee closed, out of respect 
to the " Assumption of the Virgin ! " 
Your loving 

Nell. 



168 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Paris, August 24. 

I fear that my letter this week is a little late. 
I intended to get it off" for yesterday's steamer, 
but was not feeling well. 

As I am not settled, I have no piano, and, in 
consequence, plenty of leisure, which I have em- 
ployed in studying French. The people here in 
the house have been very good to me. Two 
American ladies are friends of a friend of mine in 
Mexico. They got up a little concert last night 
in the parlor in celebration of my birthday. Mr. 
Redzewski, a Russian opera-singer,* sang some 
big arias in a wonderful way. He is a great art- 
ist, first barytone in the Imperial Theater of St. 
Petersburg, and has received medals and decora- 
tions from the Czar and Czarina. His art seems 
to be all his life. He has been here in Paris 
three months, and during that time, they say in 
the house here, he has never been out a single 
evening. He studies and works all day. He 
takes a lesson each day with a great teacher here, 
and the other day he was kind enough to invite 
me to go with him to his lesson. It was a reve- 
lation to me! The master, La Salle, has a great 
name as artist and teacher, and I am sure he de- 

* The " barytone " referred to in Introduction. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 169 

serves it. The lesson lasted over an hour, begin- 
ning with simple exercises, and ending with the 
big barytone arias in " Damon/' an opera by 
Rubenstein, with which they open the season in 
St. Petersburg two weeks from now, Mr. Red- 
zewski taking the part of Damon. He left this 
morning. Also last night a young American 
tenor, who has been four years studying here, and 
who is to make his debut in New York this win- 
ter in grand opera, sang. (That sentence is quite 
German in construction.) I played all the ac- 
companiments. I am going to move from here 
to-morrow. I found a tolerable room, with 
board, at eight francs a day ($1.60). That price 
does not include light or heat. I wanted to get 
something cheaper, but could not in a clean and 
decent locality. I will not give you the new ad- 
dress until I have been there a week and know if 
I can remain or not. 

I am full of fine resolves about what I am to 
accomplish. I shall work more with my head 
and less physically than I used at the piano — and 
in everything. I am also going to take singing 
lessons for a month or so with this great master, 
La Salle, until I see if it will be worth while for 
me to make the sacrifices it would be necessary 
for me to make in order to afford it. Fortunately 



170 YOUR LOVING NELL 

I have passed that period of life where I long to 
buy the pretty things I see in shop windows. 
There was a time when the beautiful things I 
could not have used to give me a fever. Now, 
for instance, since arriving in Europe I have not 
spent anything except for board and my trip from 
Brussels here (twenty-five francs). I shall take 
two French lessons a week (two francs a lesson), 
read only French books and newspapers, and talk 
as much as I can. I want to make a special study 
of French literature. I am told there are very 
good free lectures given on that subject. 

I am satisfied now that I chose Paris instead 
of Vienna. I believe I am in the right place. I 
am by nature and habit slow and heavy in thought 
and speech — always looking at everything too 
seriously. Here one breathes a lighter, gayer 
atmosphere, and the beauty and art surrounding 
one in every direction makes one feel happy and 
more satisfied with life. It is a sweet thought 
that the spirit of man is the only real part, and it 
is the spirit which produces all works of art. 

Paris is marvelously laid out. Take, for in- 
stance, the Champs-Elysees, which is a broad 
avenue a mile long. The whole distance is a 
gentle ascent, and at the top stands the great 
triumphal arch. One from the arch can look in 



YOUR LOVING NELL 171 

one direction straight down the Champs-Elysees 
and on to the big Place de la Concorde, where 
the guillotine used to be ; straight beyond that is 
the Garden of the Tuilleries, and then another 
smaller arch, and there stands the palace of the 
Louvre ! But the impressive part of all this is 
that it is in an open, straight line, and can all be 
seen in one glance. Another wonderful vista is 
looking down the broad Avenue de l'Opera, at 
the end of which stands the Grand Opera House, 
probably the most beautiful building in the world. 
Then, all about, everywhere, one sees beautiful 
statues, fountains — works of art of every descrip- 
tion. I will send you some photos, which will, 
however, only give you a faint idea of it all. 

Mr. V is to be in Paris some time this 

week, and he has invited me to go with him and a 
small party of his " intimates " to Fontainebleau, 
where Rousseau and Millet and many great paint- 
ers used to live. 

I enclose a letter from Miss H . She is a 

delightful child. The story which she speaks of 
writing is of a little boy who was always dreaming 
beautiful things. One day he, with great labor, 
climbed upon the wall which surrounded his 
house. In the distance he saw a white and mar- 
velously shining city. He longed so to reach it. 



172 YOUR LOVING NELL 

He tried to go, but fell, and every time he tried 
he fell again, until at last he knew he must learn 
to fly before he could reach it. This is as far as 
she had written when she told me of it on the 
steamer. It is symbolic of the struggles one has 
in becoming an artist. The spirit must first learn 
to spread its wings. 

This is a rainy Sunday afternoon, and I would 
like to write on and on to you, and if to you, of 
course to Nonksie, but this letter is far too long 
already, I fear. 

With a thousand tender thoughts and a solici- 
tude that never ceases, I am always 
Lovingly yours, 

Nell. 

P.S. — I expect to lead a quiet, simple life, as I 
have always done. I shall work hard over my 
piano and try to get on in French. These last 
few days I have practised well. I have also 
been memorizing some music according to the 
way taught in Vienna — that is, away from the 
piano. I find it works very well. Yesterday I 
memorized two pages in about an hour, and this 
evening another page in a few minutes. In 
Vienna I could not do it at all. It requires a calm 
and collected mind. N. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 173 



No. 11, Avenue de la Grande Armee, 

Paris, September 1, 1902. 
My Dearest: — 

I wrote you a week ago, and since then have had 
no word from you. I moved to this boarding- 
house a week ago to-morrow. I have had the 
misfortune to lose my keys — five of them. I can 
not imagine how it happened. Some of the ladies 
in the house lent me their keys, with which I got 
into one trunk and one valise. It is very an- 
noying. 

I expect Miss M next month, tho she 

writes she may be delayed a little longer. I have 
given up the idea of renting an apartment and just 
we two having our own little home, as we have 
planned to have, for I find it will be far more ex- 
pensive than living in a pension. I shall remain 
here, I think. I have a comfortable room with a 
couch in it, instead of a bed, and a screen in front 
of the wash-stand. I have put my drapes about, 
and my little pretty things here and there, so it 
looks quite homelike. I pay eight francs a day, 
and that does not include light or heat. The 
table is not anything extra, and the street is in- 
tolerably noisy. 



174 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Since I came here I have been out one evening 

with Mr. G , the tall man in the group I sent 

you from the ship, and his mother and sister. 
We went to several Boulevard cafes and watched 
the crowds — every phase of human life, from the 
rich society people to the crooked old man with 
a stick with bent pins in the end of it, who came 
about reaching under tables for stumps of cigars. 
Then there were several street performers, acro- 
bats, etc. Later we went to the Jardin Paris. It 
is a garden where a band plays. At one side is a 
stage where a variety performance is given while 
people promenade around the garden. The place 
is full of demi-mondaines. I never saw so many 
beautiful women and lovely gowns. Some of 
them danced the cancan, which is simply a vulgar 
display of tights. It is a place, you understand, 
where all Americans and tourists go; it is one of 
the sights. We stayed about half an hour, which 
was quite too long, and I certainly shall never 
go again. Things of that sort make me sick of 
life. 



This is our dear, dear tryst-day! For eleven 
years now we have set it apart from all other days 
as sacred to each other — have we not, my dearest? 



YOUR LOVING NELL 175 

— and I think that even in Paradise I should feel 
sad if I could not write to you on the 1st of every 
month. 

To-morrow we go to Fontainebleau. 

Will tell you all about it afterward. 

Nelly. 



176 YOUR LOVING NELL 

No. ii, Avenue de la Grande Armee, 

Paris, September 7, 1902. 
Dearest : — 

Your long and loving letter of the 1 5th reached 
me a few days ago. How dear it is! 

This last week I have been very gay. As I 
wrote you was our intention, we went on Monday 
to Barbizon, a quaint little town with only one 
street running through it, and into the great and 
beautiful forest of Fontainebleau. This town is 
where Millet and Rousseau and many great art- 
ists worked and lived. Mr. V used also to 

live there, but everything is changed since then. 
The artists are gone away, because too many city 
folk came there, destroying the quiet so essential 
to best work. 

We drove through the forest to Fontainebleau, 
where we went through the Palais. There is no 
use trying to describe it, because it is indescribable 
— room after room of the rarest and most sumptu- 
ous furniture the world has ever seen, and all full 
of historical reminiscences. We saw the table on 
which Napoleon signed his abdication; the room 
where Josephine's sentence of divorce was passed; 
the apartment where Louis XIII. was born; the 
chapel where Louis XX. was married, etc. — all 



YOUR LOVING NELL 177 

doubly interesting to me because, in the dear 
sweet evenings long ago (if we " count time by 
heart-throbs ") Nonksie used to read and talk 
to us of all those epochs of history. And Nonk- 
sie knew just how to put things so we could never 
forget. He was my Encyclopedia (give that book 
a good hug for me right here, and one hundred 
loving kisses!). 

But to resume. Tuesday we went, by boat, 
down the Seine to St. Cloud. The gardens there 
are splendid, and the view over Paris magnifi- 
cent. The Palais was destroyed in 1870 by the 
Germans. 

Thursday afternoon I went to the Luxembourg 
Museum. I enjoy it more than the Louvre be- 
cause the paintings are modern, and I can under- 
stand them better. The best works of living 
painters are in the Luxembourg. After the death 
of an artist his pictures go to the Louvre. At 
the gallery I met Mr. R , a New York law- 
yer who came over on my ship. He knows Mr. 

P and Mr. C . He was pleased to see 

me, and invited me to go to Versailles with him 
on Sunday (yesterday) afternoon on the four-in- 
hand coach from his hotel. There were six of us 
in his party, and we left at 11 a.m. 

The drive was ideal. Up the Champs-Elysees, 



178 YOUR LOVING NELL 

through the Bois de Boulogne, and on through 
charming little towns and the lovely country, 
reaching Versailles at one o'clock. Our guide 
took us first to the Grand Trianon. It is a 
one-story building, horseshoe shaped, and of pink 
marble. It was built by Louis XIV. for his mis- 
tress, Madame Maintenant ; afterward it was oc- 
cupied by Madame Antoinette, and, later, by 
Napoleon. The rooms and furniture are beauti- 
ful and interesting. 

After dinner the guide took us through the 
Palace — or, at least, through some of the rooms. 
There is no furniture, but only paintings. I in- 
tend to go often, since one can learn there, in a 
vivid way, the history of France, as many paint- 
ings are of battles and different historical scenes, 
kings, queens, etc. 

We saw the secret door by which Marie An- 
toinette escaped when that awful mob came out 
from Paris. At four o'clock the fountains in the 
garden all began to play. They play once a 
month in summer. There are one hundred and 
fifty of them, and it costs ten thousand francs to 
play them an hour ! Immense crowds always 
come to see them. It was a beautiful sight. 

We left at five o'clock. The drive home — a 
different route — was delightful, and altogether the 



YOUR LOVING NELL 179 

day was one of the pleasantest of my life. Mr. 
R leaves to-day for London. 

Mr. Toledo helped me choose a piano on Sat- 
urday. It is a very good one, and very cheap 
too, I think — fifteen francs per month. It has 
just come, and I intend now to begin serious 
work. I shall not be so gay any more, as all my 
friends are gone. To-morrow I begin French 
lessons. 

I hear often from Mr. Redzewski, the Russian. 
He is greatly pleased and excited because he has 
sung with great success before the Opera director 
and the Czar and Court, and because the govern- 
ment is going to give him money to travel and 
study for a year. He will be again in Paris by 
the end of the month. 

This is a long letter, but I could go on for 
hours, I have so much to say. You will see by 
the enclosed what a dear girl Scottie is. 
I am always lovingly, 

Nelly. 



180 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Paris, September 14. 
My dear, dear, Dearest : — 

I have just received your loving letter begun 
on my birthday and finished afterward. I thank 
you for the little remembrance, but, indeed, your 
love is, after all, the very best and sweetest gift 
you could send me. 

I have begun my work, and have practised hard 
this last week. Have been memorizing music 
away from the piano, as they require in Vienna, 
and I am delighted to find I can do it ! I learned, 
that way, two pages each day of Schumann's " Car- 
nival." After one works in that way for some 
time the mind becomes trained, and one gets on 
rapidly. 

I make it a point to go to see something beauti- 
ful every afternoon. That keeps me happy. I 
go often to the Louvre. 

Mr. Redzewski, the Russian opera-singer, is 
coming back in two weeks. He is a big man of 
six feet, weighing 200, and is twenty-eight years 
old. His heart and character seem broad and 
poetic. I believe some people are created with a 
talent for feeling, as others are given the gift of 
speech, or color, or sound. I know, when I have 
heard him sing some of his big roles, I have felt 



YOUR LOVING NELL 181 

myself in the presence of a giant spirit — a creature 
capable of unutterable feeling ! I must be careful. 
Passionate men like that are dangerous. I do 
not mean that there is any danger of my losing 
my head over him or any one, but he might become 
desperate over me; for he seems to have fallen 
madly in love with me. I have received some 
very beautiful letters from him — always in French, 
as he knows nothing of English. 

All my silly affairs are very little, I know, beside 
your great and increasingly overwhelming sorrow, 
but I know you like to hear all about me. 

With very fond and sincere love, 
I am always your 

Nell. 



182 YOUR LOVING NELL 

September 22, 1902. 
My Dearest : — 

It seems to me that the weeks come around 
too quickly. This last week I have not done any- 
thing in particular. I have practised a good deal, 
been twice to the Louvre to look at pictures, 
lounged around, and read books on art. 

I have your loving tryst-letter, and by this 
time you have mine. I am sorry you are to lose 
Mori. He has been with you for so many years 
— always faithful, and so good to darling Nonksie ! 
But you will do the best you can, and the Provi- 
dence that is taking care of me will surely help 
my dearest. 

Mr. Redzewski, the Russian, is coming the end 
of the week. In a way, I am sorry he is to be in 
Paris this winter. I can see by his letters that he 
intends to take up as much of my time as possible. 
I shall take a firm stand, and keep him at a dis- 
tance. I wrote him that I am here to study seri- 
ously, and that I shall be unable to see him, or 
any one, often. I shall tell the servants that I 
am not at home to him. Once in a while I may 
go out with him, for, between you and me, dear- 
est, I feel afraid to offend him seriously. He 
wanted to come to live in the same pension with 



YOUR LOVING NELL 183 

me. I wrote him if he did it would be against 
my wishes, and if he came (I have an idea that he 
thinks a woman's wishes are of no account) that 
he would put me to the trouble of moving out. 

I think I am sufficiently up vn my practise to 
begin my lessons next week, I do hope Mosz- 
kowski will like me and be kind to me. I believe 
that he will, because he will see that I am in 
earnest. My technique is improving all the time, 
and I feel well and strong. I am determined to 
succeed. 

With all kinds of best wishes, 

Your loving 

Nell. 



i8 4 YOUR LOVING NELL 

No. II, Avenue de la Grande Armee, 

Paris, October i, 1902. 
Dearest : — 

We are having the most awful weather, rainy 
and cold, and I have just contracted my first win- 
ter cold, which makes me feel miserable indeed. 
My room is chill and dreary. It faces the north. 
Had I known it before I came, I would never 
have taken it. The landlady assured me it was a 
warm room, and that it had the sun in the after- 
noons. As a matter of fact, when the sun shines, 
which is not often at this season of the year, it 
just comes in three-eighths of an inch and stays 
four minutes. If it were not such a terrible 
trouble, I should certainly try to find something 
more satisfactory. The question of heating is go- 
ing to be a great problem. I thought of getting 
a little petroleum-stove, but petroleum is absurd- 
ly dear. There is a tax on it when it enters the 
city, and it is two francs (forty cents) a gallon. 
To-day I have had them make a coal fire in my 
grate, but it does not seem to give out any heat, 
and they ask thirty cents for a small bucket of 

coal. I shall go to consult Mr. T about it ; 

he always seems to know the best thing to do. 
One has not many comforts or conveniences over 



YOUR LOVING NELL 185 

here. For instance, one does not find any bureau 
in a furnished room. There are two wardrobes, 
one with hooks and one with shelves. I keep my 
steamer trunk under the large table and my hat- 
boxes under the small tea-table. In spite of the 
million and one things in it, my room looks quite 
" Americanish! " 

I had quite a satisfactory letter from Mr. 

B a few days ago. He thinks — now that my 

property is entirely by itself, as to electric lights 
and water service — that he will have no more 
trouble, and that expenses will be small. 

!}» •$• »J» »I» «j» 

Of course, all Paris is much excited over Zola's 
peculiar death. Some people think it was suicide, 
but it was really a choked-up chimney, which 
allowed his room to fill with gas. 

My fire will not burn, and I feel so stupid 
from my cold that I will not try to write more 
to-day. 

With much love, as usual, 

Yours, 

Nell. 



i86 YOUR LOVING NELL 

October 10, 1902. 
My Dearest : — 

I wrote you a week ago, but I believe it was 
not much of a letter, I was feeling so ill from a 
cold. Now I am all over it, the weather has 
turned warm, and life seems worth living again ! 
Yes, I know what you will ask, so I answer now : 
Yes, / am ! and good American ones, too ! Kiss 
me, now, because I am reformed. 

The Russian arrived, and his card came up to 
me almost immediately; but he has been very 
well-behaved. We have been once to the theater ; 
but I do not like to be bothered to go about, espe- 
cially when I want to be working. 

Madame G and I were last night talking 

over the music and plot of an opera called 
" Louise." The leading part is taken by an 
American girl, a Miss Garden. She is a very 
good artist. The opera depicts life here in Paris 
in a quarter called Montmartre, where working 

people and artists live. I asked Madame G 

why, when the artist sincerely loved the girl, he 
did not marry her? She assured me that it is 
not the custom here among artists to marry. 
They " fall in love " with a girl, and live with 
her, and are faithful to her for years and years, 



YOUR LOVING NELL 187 

and often for a lifetime, but marriage is never 
thought of. And the strange part (to me, as an 
American) is, that the couples living in that way 
are sometimes respected. 

Well, give me " The Land of the Free " (in a 
loftier sense) and the " Home of the Brave " for- 
ever! 

# # • . * * * 

Yes, I am sure Scottie loves me, and I love 
her, too, dearly. We were always together dur- 
ing the nine months I was in Vienna, and we 
never had a moment's friction or anything ap- 
proaching it. We were always happy together. 

Tell Nonksie that I will not disappoint him. 

I have played for Moszkowski! He has such 
a great reputation that I expected to see a big 
man; but he is a wisp-of-a-man, with faded, 
straw-colored hair. He was very kind. He said 
I had a good touch, but he judged I had not 
played very much Bach. (It is true!) 

Oh, to think I must now wear my soul out over 
Bach fugues when I want to be playing Chopin ! 
He told me to prepare a Tocatto, by Czerney, 
and the 5th Bach fugue for my Tuesday's lesson. 
The Tocatto is an awful thing — thirds and sixths 
in the right hand, with trills and octaves in the 
left. I am working like ten little Austrian dogs, 



188 YOUR LOVING NELL 

and I try to keep as resigned a smile on my face 
as they always wear, no matter how heavy their 
load ; but I will admit, just to Dearest, that I find 
it rather hard sometimes, and no doubt my fore- 
head gets into many a pucker, such as she used 
to smoothe away with the kisses I long for now. 

I wish I could write you in short-hand — I have 
so much to say. But I must get to work. And 
I am prepared to work now as never before. In 
Vienna my poor old brain used often to be in a 
fog. Now it is not exactly scintillating, but it 
will wake up once in a while and condescend to 
learn a few notes of music. You know, I study 
all my music away from the piano. I look well 
at the notes, then shut my eyes and say them 
aloud. Then I think them several times. Then 
I go and play them. One learns quickly in that 
way. As Leschetiszki used to say: "Three- 
fourths of the technique is in the brain, and only 
one-fourth in the fingers. " I begin now to see 
that that is literally true. 

Miss M is to arrive at the end of this 

month. I do not know if she will come here, or 
if I shall go somewhere with her. 
Lovingly, 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 189 

Paris, October 18, 1902. 

I am quite ready to cry ! I was sitting here 
thinking of you and Nonksie and saying to my- 
self, "The 2d of next month is Dearest's birth- 
day," when suddenly it flashed over me " This is 
October ! " I felt as if I had been shot. 

For months I have been thinking of your 
birthday, and planning to send you something 
lovely — with a fat letter for that special occasion. 
Oh, dear! I do feel so bad! But my dearest 
loves me, and she will forgive me because she 
knows I love her awfully hard. Just to think, 
I wrote you on your birthday and never realized 
what day it was ! I have been thinking of it so 
long, too, and always kept saying, " It is a long 
time yet." And when the day was here I never 
knew it! Oh, oh, dear ! Please accept a million 
kisses with my very, very dearest love and con- 
gratulations, and believe me 

Your sorry little girl, 

Nelly. 

I enclose a little kerchief. 



i 9 o YOUR LOVING NELL 



Paris, October 19, 1902. 

I sent you a teary little letter yesterday. 

I have been working very hard this last week. 
On Tuesday I had my lesson with Moszkowski. 
He was very kind and gentle. I am sure I shall 
make rapid progress under his influence. It is 
inspiration. The people here in the house de- 
clare that I practise ten hours a day, but I do not. 
If I do not succeed it shall not be for lack of try- 
ing. But I am sure to succeed. It is the only 
thing I really desire in the world. 

I have been studying the history of France of 
the nineteenth century. I bought a history in 
French, on purpose, the other day. It is good 
practise, outside of the information acquired. 

There is a young Englishman living here in 
the house — an Oxford man, and extremely clever, 
but with the weirdest ideas. He really says 
extraordinary things in a most extraordinary way. 
He is familiar with all the great writers and his- 
torians, and has a thousand illustrations to prove 
any ridiculous theory he starts in on. He is 
much too clever for me. For instance, at table 
last night he said: "A state of nothingness is the 
ideal condition. The Narcissus, hanging over the 



YOUR LOVING NELL 191 

turbulent current in which it is reflected, leads an 
ideal existence. " 

" Oh, now ! " I said. " In the first place, a 
6 turbulent torrent ' does not reflect; and, in the 
second, if the Narcissus is happy because it is re- 
flected, it reveals a spirit of vanity which is not a 
condition of emptiness. " 

He answered : " I said c turbulent torrent' be- 
cause I wished to convey the idea of not one but 
a thousand impressions of the Narcissus buried in 
the bosom of the water, caressingly cherished, and 
carried by the flowing river far, far out to sea." 

" But," I said, " a reflection endures but in the 
presence of the image reflected." 

" Ah ! How do we know that ? I hold that 
an image endures, like a thought, forever." 

" But," I inquired, " was not Narcissus and the 
flower that bears his name in some way associated 
with a fountain rather than with a river ? And 
what a vain, inglorious fellow he was, even tho the 
son of a god, to die for very love of himself! 
Oh ! " Mr. Englishman laughed over my " Oh I " 

c You are severe on poor Narcissus," he re- 
proved, mildly. " But to go back to the image 
that endures. It is well known that we of to-day 
see the light which emanated from the distant 
stars thousands of years ago. If man, in leaving 



i 9 2 YOUR LOVING NELL 

the earth, could travel fast enough, faster than 
light, he would look back and see the events of 
his past life, or lives, all in inverted order — first 
the punishment, then the crime, or sin, and, lastly, 
the temptation, which often, when known, ex- 
cuses the crime. The French, you know, say : 
c Savoir tout c est tout par donner. y ' 

" I think we shall never travel fast enough to 
get ahead of our sins, whether in the body or out," 
I said. cc If that were possible, we might fly up 
to heaven and creep in before our graphs began to 
be on record there." 

Of course it is all nonsense, Dearest, but I 
thought you might like to know somewhat of the 
conversations we have sometimes. But Mr. Eng- 
lishman is far too clever a man for me to cope 
with. He always, " by hook or by crook," comes 
out ahead. 



I was invited to go to the opera last night, but 
did not feel quite able to go and so sent regrets. 

Mrs. F writes that she is planning to come 

to Paris for a little visit this winter. I do hope 
she will. She could stop in this same pension, and 
we could have a fine time going about to see the 
sights. I wrote her that she must tell her hus- 



YOUR LOVING NELL 193 

band that I will be her chaperon, and see that she 
does not get into any mischief! 

The weather is perfect, and if she comes we are 
sure to thoroughly enjoy ourselves. Paris is in- 
deed beautiful, and I love it for its artistic worth. 
It is only seven minutes by the Metropolitan 
from the Louvre. 

Good-by, my two dears. 

Fondly, 

Nell. 



i 9 4 YOUR LOVING NELL 



October 22, 1902. 

I had my second lesson with Moszkowski yes- 
terday. He said I had worked well. I should 
say I had ! If he knew how stupid I am he 
would appreciate the progress I make. He is a 
droll character. He smokes a pipe all through 
the lesson, seeming not to care if it makes me ill 
or not. And he has cages of birds all about the 
room that, when loud passages are played, set up 
an awful chatter. I suppose the little singers 
think that I come there — at a slight cost to my- 
self of twenty-five francs an hour — -just for the 
purpose of entertaining them ! What vain little 
men and women they will make some day ! 

Yes, dearest, I too feel that the appreciation 
and achievement of art is God's great gift to man. 
It is His finger pointing the way toward perfect- 
ness and heaven. It is His sweet and holy balm 
for a bruised and wounded spirit. But they who 
truly love become as gods. They no longer walk 
enchained to earth, but soar to realms of sweet, 
enchanting mysteries. A great passion, because 
of its greatness, must be pure. What is purer 
than a great fire ? It burns without smoke. A 



YOUR LOVING NELL 195 

little fire sends up clouds of black, soiling all 
within its range. There shall be no such in my 
life. And still I think that the only enduring 
part of love is friendship and companionship. 
Lovingly, 

Nell. 



i 9 6 YOUR LOVING NELL 

Avenue de la Grande Armee, No. ii, 

Paris, October 28. 
My Dearest : — 

My letter is several days late, and I am sorry. 
I have intended to write from day to day, but 
every day is a race with me from morning until 
night. I feel so much the responsibility of hav- 
ing lessons with a great man like Moszkowski 
that I work, and work, and work! In fact, evi- 
dently I have sat too long at the piano, for I 
have been suffering this last week with that old 
pain in my back, and it is very discouraging. I 
see that I must be cautious or I shall be down, as 
I was in Vienna. I had my lesson yesterday. 
Moszkowski was pleased with me ; he said I had 
made great progress. This week I have a long 
and difficult thing, by Mendelssohn, to learn. I 
have also three French lessons a week. The 
master seems very good. 

I do not know where, but I have lost my 
French grammar that used to be yours. I have 
always carried it about with me; had it in Mexico 
and in New York, I think, but when I unpacked 
my trunk here it was not in it. I miss it very 
much. It is the best grammar I ever saw. I 
must buy some other one. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 197 

I have only been out once this last week in the 
evening. Mr. T took me to the opera. 

I have your dear letter of the 8th. Thanks 

for the clipping about Mrs. C -. I also always 

thought that she was very sweet and charming. 

I enclose a letter from Miss H . Mr. 

B -, of whom she speaks, is the New York artist, 

who, with his wife, came over on the steamer with 
us. They are of the party of six in the photo I 
sent you. I have lately been studying a book by 
Van Dyck — " How to Judge a Picture." In it 

he mentions Mr. B as one of our best 

American artists. 

Almost every afternoon I go down-town by the 
underground railroad — the Metropolitan. The 
stations, like everything in Paris, are artistic. 
They are of rough pale yellow glass, in the shape 
of a flattened dome. One goes down about 
twenty steps, and finds one's self in another 
world — long galleries leading in various direc- 
tions to the different lines. All the walls and 
ceilings are in white glazed tiles lit up by hun- 
dreds of electric lights. The trains are made up 
of five or six long cars of the first and second 
class — first class, twenty-five centimes (five cents); 
second class, fifteen centimes. The force is elec- 
tric, so there is no smoke, but for some reason 



iq8 YOUR LOVING NELL 

there is an awful noise. Along about six o'clock 
the crowd is terrible. The lines are not yet fin- 
ished all over the city, but the company already 
pays its dividends. 

The winter seems to have begun in earnest 
here. I have now a nice fire of coke in my grate. 
I arranged to pay two hundred and sixty francs a 
month, and that is to include heat and light, tho 
as far as light goes I have a miserable little lamp 
that gives about as much light as a candle. I 
will write again on the ist. 

With lots of love from 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 199 

Avenue de la Grande Armee, No. ii, 

Paris, November 1. 
My Dearest : — 

I wrote you a couple of days ago, but this is 
our dear tryst-day. I hope all is well with you. 

As for me, I am in a rush, as usual. The days 
seem to fly by ! 

Tho I am well, I am not very strong, and, in 
order to stand the strain of hard work at the piano, 
I require a good deal of rest. I always get to bed 
by 9.30. I very seldom go out anywhere even- 
ings, and no one comes to see me. Once in bed, 
undressed, I feel somewhat rested, and often read 
until after eleven. I read a French daily paper 
and some French book. I read French easily 
enough now to find pleasure in it. It is no longer 
a task. I get up at eight ; take a sponge bath ; 
the maid brings in on a tray a little pot of coffee, 
another of hot milk, a piece of bread-and-butter. 
That is the custom here, and it is the only break- 
fast one gets. It is invariably served in the bed- 
room. I get at the piano at nine, and before de- 
jeuner — twelve o'clock — I get in two good hours 
of practise and also study my French lesson. 
After luncheon I take my half-hour's siesta, prac- 
tise another hour, then go out for a walk. Every 



2oo YOUR LOVING NELL 

other day I have a French lesson at four. I get 
home in time to practise another hour before din- 
ner, at seven o'clock. One day is just like the 
other, excepting some days I do good work and on 
other days my brain seems all in a fog ! But, peg- 
ging along that way, I seem to get on. You see, 
it does not leave me much time for anything out- 
side. Lots of little things I have wanted to do 
for a month now, and I never find a moment. I 
make it a rule to neglect anything and everybody 
before my piano. 

I will write soon again. 

Accept lots of love for each of you from 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 201 

No. ii 5 Avenue de la Grande Armee, 

November 7, 1902. 
My Dearest: — 

You know that always news from you gives me 
the greatest pleasure. Your dear letter of the 
20th arrived yesterday, just as I was starting to 
the matinee. They gave " Les Huguenots/' but 
I did not enjoy it. I would rather have spent 
the hours at the Louvre, where I always go for 
meditation and strength. The pictures never dis- 
appoint me ! I am beginning to understand, and 
to interpret, somewhat, the meaning behind the 

tint. 

■* # * * * 

My French teacher is really very good. For 
every lesson I have to write a little essay, making 
use of the different modes of the verbs. To-day 
I had to use the Imparfait and the Subjouctif. 
Just for fun, I enclose my exercise as corrected by 
my teacher. 

Next matinee I am going to the Odeon, where 
Tolstoy's " Resurrection" is to be given. I have 
read the book, but to see the play will be a deep 
tho sad enjoyment. It is a profound psycho- 
logical study. It is the story of a pure and sweet 
young girl's perversion through a young officer, 



202 YOUR LOVING NELL 

who, later, sees the awful result of his sin. He 
renounces all (his family, his fiancee, his comfort) 
to follow, in exile to Siberia, this poor wretch 
— not because he loves her, but because of his 
conscience, and to do his duty as he sees it. 

After many discouragements, he saves her, 
spiritually. It is full of noble sentiments, and is 
said to be splendidly played. 

Miss M is still in New York, detained by 

matters of importance in a business way ; but she 
will soon be here now, and we shall be ever so 
happy together. I am fond of her. Sometimes 
I am very lonely. 

7T w W w vT 

Good-night, my dearest. Every night, before 
I fall asleep, I say a little prayer for you and 
darling Nonksie. I think I sleep better because 
of it, but always I am thinking of you and of 
your great sorrow, beside which my own seems 
infinitesimal. Never mind, my dears ! After a 
time we shall be together again, and, meanwhile, 
Providence is taking care of us. 

Good-night. With very loving kisses for you 
both, I remain 

Your affectionate 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 203 

November 9. 

This last week I have been out one evening. 
It was to the opening of the new iEolian concert- 
hall, in the rear of Mr. T 's store. It was an 

invitation affair. Mr. T gave me permis- 
sion to bring a friend with me, so I asked a lady 
here in the house. We enjoyed it much. There 
were scores of celebrities there, and many beauti- 
fully gowned women. The hall is the prettiest I 
have seen. Refreshments of sandwiches, cakes, 
coffee, and champagne followed the program, 
which was interesting. 

Yesterday I went to the Colonne orchestral 
concert. It began at 2.15 and did not finish until 
5.30 — and without intermission. The theater 
was packed, and it was hot and stuffy. I was 
very tired before it was over, and last night I 
could not sleep at all. Every little noise went 
through my body like an electric shock, and 
caused the greatest pain. 

This last week I have made some new laws for 
myself. One is, not to get up in the morning 
until I feel like it. Another is to allow myself 
some amusements. Until now I have not allowed 
myself to go to the theater or anywhere evenings, 
always saving my strength for work, work, work. 



204 YOUR LOVING NELL 

I wore myself completely out, and at last was un- 
able to accomplish anything. I felt stupid and 
distressed. As we say, "All work and no play 
makes Jack a dull boy." I am too intense and 
serious. 

Recently I have read "Manon Lescaut" in 
French. It is beautifully written, but I think 
Abbe Prevost, the author, is wrong in thinking 
to reform his readers by revealing the misery of 
vice. I think that preaching against an evil never 
did any particular good. I believe the way to re- 
form people is by showing the beauty of goodness. 
A loving kiss from your 

Nell. 



YOUR LOVING NELL 205 

Avenue de la Grande Armee, No. ii, 

Paris, November 17, 1902. 
My Dearest : — 

Your tryst-letter came yesterday. I was be- 
ginning to worry about you, as I had not heard 
for almost two weeks. And it seems there were 
plenty of reasons for my feeling uneasy. Poor 
Nonksie and poor you ! It is certainly terrible. 
But let us hope for the best, my dearest, and that 
will help to bring it to us. 

This last week has been a very dark one for 
me. Tt began by my being horribly depressed — 
not personally, but for all mankind. All our 
efforts, our endless striving, seemed so petty and 
vain. I came to doubt even the existence of a 
soul — an immortal spirit in man. Doubting that, 
everything in life, for me, was worse than useless. 
I spent two days in a dreadful torment of doubt, 
until I realized that my own salvation lay in an 
absolute faith in our immortality. I went to the 
Louvre, and, little by little, I found consolation 
before the great and inspired paintings to be 
found there. All my doubts (or, were they but 
shadows of doubts ?) flew away and lost them- 
selves, as mists in the light of the sunrise. All 
this may seem extraordinary to you, and quite 



206 YOUR LOVING NELL 

foolish and unnatural, but I can assure you it has 
been very real and painful to me, and has, I feel, 
marked an epoch in my life. It is the first time 
I was ever so troubled, and, I believe, it was all 
the fault of our clever Englishman, whose doc- 
trines are most depressing. How often I have 
cried for you I You see, I need you, Dearest. 

Perhaps your prediction of an utter collapse for 
me from overwork came true. 

7T 7T 7T 7S" TV 

Mexican money keeps going lower and lower. 
A dollar is now worth only two francs instead of 
five, as it should be. My living, lessons, piano 
rent, car fare, and et ceteras — including what little 
recreation I feel I must have — take my entire 
income. I have had nothing new by way of 
clothes since I was in Vienna. However, I am 
satisfied. I believe the expression in one's face, 
and what one has in one's head, is of more im- 
portance than anything else. But I often feel, 
Dearest, that after a few months of hard work, 
lessons and concerts, that it will be the best and 
wisest thing for you and for me that I return to 
Mexico to remain. I could then administer my 
own property, and, living at small expense, be 
quite independent, and able to be with you often. 

I have been feeling a little discouraged about 



YOUR LOVING NELL 207 

my music, and I had a talk with Moszowski 
about it. He is satisfied with me and encourages 
me, but I am disappointed in myself — physically 
and mentally. Physically I am not so strong as 
I supposed. The piano work exhausts me, and 
often brings on that old pain in my back. Then 
I get big, dark rings under my eyes, and feel 
utterly weary of life. Mentally I lack in concen- 
tration, and my nerves are not steady enough. 

Oh, the great art of piano-playing is so difficult 
that one who does not study it (I do not mean 
ordinary piano-playing) can have no conception of 
what it means ! It means an absolute mastery of 
one's self. It means broad thoughts, charity 
toward all mankind, a firm faith in one's own 
divinity ; and all expressed with absolute accuracy, 
and with the exquisite shadings one sees on the 
canvas of the great old masters. 

I suppose I demand too much, all of a sudden, 
of myself. 

Good-by, my dear. 

With all tender and affectionate good wishes, 
Your 

Nell. 



APPENDIX 
PIANO EXERCISES 



PIANO EXERCISES 

[Note. — Whoever glances at the following 
exercises will be impressed with the truth of an 
assertion once made by Jan Kubelik, the famous 
violin virtuoso : 

" Only those who long intensely to be great 
musicians ever become such. It must be some- 
thing more than a mere desire. Many people 
say, c Oh, I should like to be a great musician/ 
That is nothing. They will not amount to any- 
thing. But the man who is possessed with such 
a yearning that it hurts him, and haunts him, and 
keeps him awake nights, and makes him forget 
his meals — he will succeed." 

Only the " yearning " that " hurts " could im- 
pel one to follow faithfully these Leschetiszky ex- 
ercises after one has already worked many years 
and attained supposed proficiency. Two months 
at these and at nothing else is the minimum time 
even the most advanced artists are required to 
work with an under teacher before Leschetiszky 
himself will give a lesson. Players already suc- 
cessful before the public and well-known, one 
and all, must knuckle down very literally to this 

211 



212 APPENDIX 

minute work before the master will receive them. 
But the majority must keep at it many months, 
and always shadowed by the uncertainty of ulti- 
mate success. This ever-recurring doubt would 
cause them to give up were it not for that per- 
petual "yearning" that "hurts." — M. W.] 



EXERCISES GIVEN BY FRAU BREE * 



FIRST EXERCISE 

A . Five notes pressed down at once. 

B. Play one finger at a time, holding the other 
four down. 



$ 



& <2- 



Move wrist up and down, to see if it is loose. 
C. Strike each finger five times legato, with 
round, full tone, and five times staccato. 



# 



SECOND EXERCISE 
B 






— i — s — — * — \— * — 

A. Holding the third, fourth, and fifth notes 
down. 

B. Hold four notes down — all but the one being 
struck. Play each two notes many times. 



n 


THIRD EXERCISE 










\) | 




ffo trj ' " \ II 1 1 II 


WJJ ^ J J ' J \ J 1 ! J 


t) -<Sh * * * * 


9 w 


-&- 


# 




y i 








i 


S\ i 


, ! 


1 J 


J 


1 


fu\ J 


1 | 




a 


! J 1 


Xs\) J B 




J s 


m 




# 


^ , 


r) * 


a + 


^•^ 








^ 







Hold all notes down but the one being played. 

* See page 85. 



213 



214 APPENDIX 

FOURTH EXERCISE 






Hold all notes down but the one being played. 



I 



^=3=4 



1 ^_*_Jff — *_j_l__, — m — 9. 



-\—a — i — \—& — \-& — i — \—j — i — j-i ^ 

Hold all notes down but the one being played. 

Place the hands on the keyboard, three con- 
secutive notes pressed down with first (thumb), 
second, and third fingers. This is for position. 
The first and second finger form almost a broken 
circle. The thumb must be bent, and placed on 
the key only to the root, or side, of the nail. First 
two fingers well curved. The knuckle-joints must 
be somewhat elevated, so that the space under the 
hand, to the keys, is deep. The fourth finger raised 
as high as possible, and well curved. The little 
finger must be only slightly curved. This is the 
correct position, and very important. Place the 
hands in this position many times a day — on a 
table, or anything — until it becomes natural to 
them. 



APPENDIX 215 

FIFTH EXERCISE 



i 



3 



-^- 



(Third and fourth fingers raised very high and 
curved ; fifth finger not quite so high.) 



2 



-0 — * — e — € — m — *-& — = f — * 9 = — ■ 



m 



The fingers not playing raised high. These 
are what I call " props/' Each finger has a prop 
before it plays. Keep wrist flexible. 

After playing this carefully and slowly several 
times with each hand in turn, repeat the exercise 
again, and, instead of raising high the finger which 
is playing the note, place it on the key, and each 
time press quickly and firmly down to the full 
depth of the key and raise quickly to the level of 
the key. Do not play rapidly, but make the fin- 
gers move quickly. It is a good idea to count 
two while holding the note down, and while the 
finger rests on the key before pressing. 

This is very important practise. The difference 
in touch in this exercise and the above is applied 



216 APPENDIX 

in everything one plays — the first for brilliant 
work, and the latter for legato. 

Next a slow trill with each two fingers in turn. 
(Practise with the left hand as much as the right 
hand, but never together.) In playing a trill with 
second and third fingers, or fourth and fifth fin- 
gers, place the thumb under the hand, not tightly 
but comfortably — just escaping the keys. This 
is a great help. Fingers not trilling held high 
and curved (except fifth). 

Next play three notes, beginning with each 
finger in turn up to third finger. 

Next play four notes, beginning with each finger 
in turn up to second finger. 

Next play five notes, beginning with each finger 
in turn. 

Play exercises with legato and staccato move- 
ment. When the thumb is not in use, place it 
under the hand 



LESSONS GIVEN BY LESCHETISZKI 

LESSON I 

ist. Thumb and first finger pressed together, 
forming circle — joints out. Play up and down 
two octaves with stiff arm, moving arm and hand 
from key to key with slight jerk. 

2d. Same position of fingers, but played from 
wrist, with arm held low. The hand drops on i, 
and comes well back and remains motionless while 
counting 2 — falling suddenly, sometimes p. and 
then ff. Play two octaves. 

3d. Same, with short staccato. 

\th. Place thumb and first finger as in ist; in 
addition, place second finger firmly on first. Play 
as in i j/, id \ and 3d. 

$th. Same as Ath y with third finger joined also. 

LESSON II 

ist. Hand placed on five keys — knuckles out, 
thumb joints out. Three middle fingers in cen- 
ter of keys and on a line. Small finger on edge 
of key. All keys pressed down. Play one finger 
at a time. Count i, 2. Raise finger to level of 
key (i, 2); press down (1, 2). Many times each 
finger, always sustaining arched position of hand. 

2d. Five notes pressed down. Fingers only 

217 



218 APPENDIX 

clinging on to keys from below. Hand pressing 
woodwork toward thumb. Play as in \st. 

3d. Same as id> only with thumb bent in palm, 
supporting hand on woodwork. 

LESSON III 

ist. Arched position of hand, fingers only rest- 
ing on top of keys, each finger over its key. Play 
as in Lesson II., ist. 

id. Same as in Lesson II., id> only fingers rest- 
ing on keys. 

^d. Position on keys pressed down. Arm 
pressure, wrist pressure, finger pressure, and re- 
laxation. 

\th. Play each finger, alternating arm, wrist, 
and finger pressure ; also p. and f. with each pres- 
sure. 

$th. Same as 3d. Using each pressure with 
flexible wrist, first high and then low. 

6th. Play ^th with flexible wrist. 

LESSON IV 

ist Five keys pressed down. Raise each finger 
separately, slowly, and with great force ; lower in 
same way. 

ad. " Props. " Thumb pressed down, first finger 
resting on key, other fingers elevated ; play first 



APPENDIX 219 

finger, counting 1, 2, with it pressed down; then 
I) 2, resting on key. Each finger in same way. 
The finger playing always rests on key ; the 
"prop" is pressed down. The thumb always re- 
mains on key when not a "prop." 

3d. Five keys pressed down. Raise each finger 
separately as high as possible, holding very* quiet 
while counting 1, 2. Strike quick, firm blow, 
sometimes finger pressure, sometimes arm or 
wrist; also f. and p. Count 1, 2, holding note 
down. Also raise and depress wrist. 

4M. Same as 3^/, using staccato blow. 

LESSON V 
1st. Chord practise. Notes, right hand, i 7 , G, 
By D, F. Thumb and first finger pressed to- 
gether, forming circle ; third and fourth finger 
lying on side ; fifth finger straight, with knuckle- 
joint out. Notes pressed down, play one finger 
at a time, counting. Two fingers together. Use 
little finger for pivot. Raise free part of hand 
with great force. Lower slowly with force. 
Strike chord. Pass hand in same position, close 
to keys, to different octaves. Strike chord from 
arm raised from elbow ; raise high, maintaining 
position of fingers. Strike octaves with quick 
side-motion of arm. 



220 APPENDIX 

id. Rosenthal's exercise, middle finger (E) held 
down. Play 

D , c 
F* nd G 

with various accents, using different pressures and 
p. and f. 

3d. Roll fingers, one at a time, in firm arched 
position on hard wood, slowly from side to side, 
also quickly. 

Roll with force on top of nail. 

A^th. Exercise for stretching ligaments. Place 
thumb and finger together in circle ; place 3d fin- 
ger on top of first joint of 2d finger, 4th on 3d, 
and 5th on 4th ; maintain position but an instant. 
Rest hand, palm up, and arm on table, fingers ex- 
tended ; move slowly, one finger at a time, first 
joint, then second joint, finally curving finger. 
Slowly put back again in same order. Use mus- 
cular force of arm. 

^th. Same position. Bend all the fingers at 
once ; when still curved, turn hand over in arched 
position. 

6th. Roll fingers on hard wood from side to 
side and on nail to toughen them. 

yth. Play as in 3d, striking each finger several 
times rapidly, 4th finger more especially. 



APPENDIX 221 

LESSON VI 

ist. Scale in blocks. All fingers resting on 
keys. Press thumb, count i, 2 ; strike 2d and 
3d together, counting 1 ; draw thumb over keys, 
counting 2. Strike thumb, still holding down 2d 
and 3d ; hold while counting 1 ; bring over quick- 
ly, after counting 2. Strike 2d, 3d, 4th fingers to- 
gether, count 1 ; slide thumb on 2, etc. 

2d. Same as 1st ; but, instead of pressing fin- 
gers down together, they are pressed one at a time 
and held down, while thumb is drawn under. 

3d. All fingers resting on keys. Press down 
thumb, then 2d finger ; as soon as the 2d fin- 
ger is struck, the thumb goes quickly under hand, 
close to keyboard, and remains resting on its key. 
Take hand over with side-arm motion when play- 
ing thumb. 

\th. Thumb exercise. Second and 3d fingers 
pressed down ; play thumb on C and F. 

$th. Second, 3d, 4th fingers held down. Play 
thumb as quickly as possible, keeping arm and 
hand quiet. 

LESSON VII 

1st. Prepared touch. Thumb resting on key ; 
other fingers elevated, well curved. Press thumb, 
and immediately let 2d finger fall to position on 
key. Press 2d, let 3d fall in same way. Press 



222 APPENDIX 

3d, bring 4th down, letting 2d rise. Press 4th. 
Fifth finger strikes from above. Thumb always 
remains on key. 

id. Scale with prepared touch. 

3d. Staccato thumb. Fingers pressed down. 
Raise thumb high, strike with sharp blow ; pass 
under hand, high from keys, strike staccato. Play 
back and forth with quiet hand. 

\th. Forcible chords. Fingers over notes of 
chord press by sudden depression of wrist, recoil- 
ing quickly, as if with strong spring. When the 
thumb and 5th finger come on black key, the 
wrist rises instead of lowers. 

LESSON Fill 

1st. Brilliant touch. Thumb on keys, fingers 
raised and curved. Strike each finger with force, 
letting it recoil immediately to full height on 
striking next note. Play scale, keeping thumb on 
its key 

GYMNASTIC EXERCISES 

Either on the piano (wood) or on the keys press 
firmly with the end of the fingers, turning hand 
slowly on one side with arm pressure and then on 
the other. Repeat quickly, counting 3. Keep 
the fingers well curved, and throw out the elbow 
when the hand is turned in. Bend thumb on 



APPENDIX 223 

point. Depress the wrist, with the fingers firmly 
on the keys ; raise slowly, pressing the fingers flat 
to the first joint, then lower. Repeat, moving 
rapidly. 

With the thumb pressed on the key, raise the 
wrist until the thumb stands on end ; strike many 
times in this position. Do the same with the 
fifth finger, keeping the knuckle out well. Strike 
with force without bending joint, letting the 
thumb hang meanwhile. With the wrist de- 
pressed and the thumb and 5th finger pressed on 
the keys, raise until the fingers are straight. De- 
press slowly. Repeat quickly. 

Fold thumb in palm ; draw 2d, 3d, and 4th 
fingers down over it. 

# * # # # 

In playing chords, where an interval of a second 
or third comes between the thumb and 2d finger, 
the hand is turned. With greater intervals, it is 
straight. Move the hand an octave, and take 
chord without looking. Play same chord, struck 
from high arm, semi-staccato and staccato. 

# # x * # 

There are six kinds of touch : 

1 st. The very legato, for broken chords and 
the most rapid scale passages. Fingers rest on 
keys and merely press down. 



224 APPENDIX 

id. The legato, also for very rapid work. The 
fingers rest on keys until pressed to play, then 
rise. 

3d. The legato, for slower passages. Thumb 
touches key after having pressed it. All the other 
fingers raised; but each in turn covers its key 
before pressing it, just as the preceding key plays. 
(Prepared touch.) 

\th. All the fingers play from over, but remain 
on the keys after striking. 

5M. Like 4M, but the fingers rise immediately 
after playing, or as the next key plays. Thumb 
resting on key, raised and under hand. Called 
" half staccato. " 

6th. Short staccato. Finger rises immediately 
after striking the key with a blow. 

Practise all touches with low wrist. Practise 
taking octaves with 2, 5, and 1, 2. 

Raise and depress hand with great resistance, 
for strengthening wrist. 

Play scale with the six touches in turn, slowly 
and forte. 

LESSON IX 

Exercise for passing the thumb under. Play 
C, jD, E> F y thumb on C, and F. Practise p. and 
f. legato and half staccato in all rhythms, beginning 
on each tone in turn. 



APPENDIX 225 

Practise same with 1, 2, 3, 4, 1 ; 1, 3, 2, 3 ; 2, 

4> 3> 4; 3> 5> 4, 5 ; 5> 3> 43 3. etc -> and > when un- 
even, practise opposite the defect. 



RAPID SCALE-WORK 

Play i, 2 fast, and 3 after a pause, letting it 
drop on the key first, also playing from above. 
Continue in the same way, taking a new tone 
each time, and playing legato and half legato. 

Put the thumb under immediately, and play it 
after each end tone. Begin the new octave on the 
4th finger, and, when completed, play two to- 
gether. When practising the scale in groups, 
practise both with the hand in the scale position 
and straight. 

Repeat the scale practise, descending with the 
hand in scale position, but the wrist raised and 
lowered in ascending (right hand). 

Then play ascending and descending three and 
four octaves by contrasts — forte and piano, cres., 
dim. 

ARPEGGIO 

Pressing firmly with the fingers on the keys 
and the hand very much turned on the side, play 
1, 2, 3 separately and as a chord; take the next 
note with the thumb and play as a chord. 



226 APPENDIX 

Thumb under, change fingers and slide to the 
next note of the arpeggio ; change again, return- 
ing to first note, counting i, 2, 3. Repeat play- 
ing the thumb in return. (The hand sinks when 
the 5th finger plays, and the thumb is under 
the hand if the first interval is a third. If a 
fourth, the hand is straight, and all the keys are 
held.) 

Returning. Five and 3 play with the hand low; 
on 2 it rises and turns. Play the thumb and 
change fingers, taking the new note and back, as 
in ascending, but with the wrist raised. 

In rapid work, do as in scales. On the black 
notes as well as the white — first up, then down, 
then both together. 

LESSON X 

CHROMATIC SCALE 

One, 2 on C and Ctt. One against the black 
note. Practise each separately and together in the 
six touches. Thumb near and raised. Same with 
thumb on D. Moving arm, play Ctj, DjJL with 
2 and 3. 

With 2 on CjJ play C, and D with 1, without 
moving arm. 



APPENDIX 227 

When 2d comes to a white note, play in the 
middle of the key, moving arm. 

Holding 2 and 3 on white and black note, play 
thumb back and forth. Descending, raise the 
wrist, and let the 2d finger hang close to the keys 
while 3 plays, so as to be in readiness for its note. 
End with 3, 1, 2, 1. 

TRILL 

Preparatory exercise with all fingers down. 
Repeat each in turn as rapidly as possible with- 
out moving hand. Both with the hand up and 
pressed against the wood. Repeat the same with 
one finger for a prop and finally without support, 
the note being repeated in all rhythms. 

Test the trill for evenness in time and tone, 
and correct by playing the opposite of the error, 
the loud piano and the slow quickly. 

Play on white, black and white, and white and 
black. 

Repeat with the following fingering: 1, 2, 2, 3, 
etc.; 1, 2, 1,3; i, 3, 2, 3, holding the thumb and 
3d, and playing the other two staccato, legato, p., 
and f. 

Same with the other groups: 1, 2, 3, 4; 2, 4, 
3, 5; also, 1, 3, 2, 4, 3, 5. 



228 APPENDIX 

LESSON XI 

OCTAVES 

Fingers stiff, thumb and fifth curved for white 
notes, straight for octaves, on black keys. With 
the wrist and arm stiff, holding the thumb, play 
the 5th finger, first slowly, then rapidly, near the 
key. 

Turn the hand as high as possible, holding the 
thumb. Same exercise, holding 5th finger and 
playing thumb. Then both together, near and 
from on high, half staccato and staccato. 

Finally two, three notes, etc., until the octave. 

For legato chromatic scales, with the wrist high. 
Hold the thumb, play the 4th and 5th. 

Later, practise the same from the wrist. 

Play right hand in bass for heavy action. 

To help the ear, play a melody in different keys, 
using the 4th finger alone, so as to strengthen it. 

THIRDS 

Play each part alone, then together, fingers 
firm and wrist loose, moving it to avoid stiffness. 

Legato thirds are an illusion. The secret of 
playing them is to keep the fingers firm and the 
wrist loose. 

Turn the hand at the wrist without moving the 
arm to assist the fingers. 



TECHNICAL EXERCISES 

I 

i. Hollow hand, sound thumb and forefinger 
pressed tightly together on thumb as a founda- 
tion. Stiff arm and wrist. 

At one, strike key; two, slide, without raising 
more than necessary, to next key. 

2. Wrist exercise, semi-staccato. Piano and 
forte. First on one key, then two octaves. 

3. Short staccato. Rising and falling sudden- 
ly. Piano and forte. Fingers always pressed 
tightly together. 

II 
Repeat the same, with the middle finger press- 
ing tightly against the forefinger, and perfectly 
even with it at the nail, but apart at other points. 
Other fingers arched and separate. It is most 
important that the knuckles should be firm as 
rocks and the muscles like iron. 

Ill 
Repeat the same, with three fingers pressed 
tightly together without slipping at the end, but 
otherwise apart. Little finger curved and higher. 
Arm always straight and level, wrist higher than 
keyboard, fingers curved high. Piano and forte. 

229 



2 3 o APPENDIX 

Gymnastic exercises to be practised three times 
a day — morning, noon, and night. Curve the 
middle finger slowly and with great power, and 
then straighten in the same manner. Lay the 
hand, back down, on table, and repeat same exer- 
cise with the fingers and thumb together, being 
careful not to curve too far in. 

Repeat with each finger. 

Exercise for the forearm, wrist, and finger 
power, forte-mezzo, forte, and piano : 

Press down the five keys with power from arm, 
keeping hollow-arched palm. Then press with 
power from wrist and fingers, returning to wrist 
and forearm. 

Repeat the above, moving the wrist slowly up 
and down as far as possible — first, with forearm ; 
second, with wrist ; third, with finger power. 

Slowly at first, repeat, moving wrist quickly. 

Then go from first to second and from second 
to third at each wrist-motion, and from the third 
to relaxation. Rest the hand frequently. Always 
feel fresh. 

LEGATO TOUCH 

With the hand in the position just described — 
viz., knuckles out, thumb curved, fingers arched 
and separate, and in a straight line in the middle 



APPENDIX 231 

of each key, the thumb pressed on the side and 
as far on the key as the root of the nail — raise and 
depress the fingers without leaving the keys, play- 
ing pp., p., and f. from arm, hand, and finger. 

Later, do same with two, three, four, and five 
fingers. Drawing the fingers to the edge of keys, 
depress wrist and press the thumb side of hand 
(the outside free) tightly against the wood, keep- 
ing the joints arched as much as possible. 

Repeat the above exercise. 



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